Difference between revisions of "Suikoden III cast"

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Revision as of 19:55, 19 February 2015

Characters in each section are listed in order of recap appearance.

Major characters

Hugo

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tensyo
	Age:	15
	First Appearance:	Part 1

A happy-go-lucky lad of the Karaya Clan. He has really horrifying taste in friends, but we can forgive that due to his hilariously flamboyant clothing, his cool griffon and his hot mom. He's always out on quests and expeditions--hmm, I wonder if his sense of adventure will be fulfilled at some later point. Nah, couldn't be.

Sergeant Joe

	Nickname(s):	Sarge, Duckman
	Star:	Tenko
	Age:	29
	First Appearance:	Part 1

The one source of military power of the Duck Clan and Hugo's right-hand...er...duck. As if his appearance weren't enough of a reminder, he constantly says "Quack" just to make sure we're aware that HE'S A GODDAMN DUCK. He exists to keep his young'un charges in their places. Like they'd listen to a guy that keeps quacking.

Fubar

	Nickname(s):	Fubie
	Star:	Tenku
	Age:	15
	First Appearance:	Part 1

Hugo's loyal griffin. His name apparently stands for "fucked up beyond all repair," which pisses off fanboys for no apparent reason. I just think it makes him cooler. Fubar's also easily the strongest member of Hugo's main party, which means I'll often be deprived of his services when I need him most. I hate you, game designers.

Chris Lightfellow

	Nickname(s):	Chris the Ice Queen
	Star:	Tenbi
	Age:	22
	First Appearance:	Part 1

The Captain of the Knights of Zexen, also known as the "Silver Maiden." Or the "White Maiden." Or something. All the people and her fellow knights love her to pieces and revere her as a hero, for no apparent reason. She's kind of an icy bitch, and I suppose I would be too, if I had several hot knights pining for me. Or not.

Louis Keeferson

	Nickname(s):	Boy
	Star:	Chisyu
	Age:	15
	First Appearance:	Part 1

Louis is Chris' servant boy. Apparently he's a knight's apprentice, and in training to be a knight because of his famous knight father (whoever that is), but I was under the impression that knights-in-training got to train in FIGHTING, not making tea. Poor kid.

Salome Harras

	Nickname(s):	Tootie
	Star:	Tenki
	Age:	32
	First Appearance:	Part 1

Another of the Six Knights, Salome acts as the Zexen Knights' strategist. Meaning he gets to do a lot of talking in "important scenes" and is essentially worthless in battle. Not that I'd expect a guy with that mushroom cut to be a good fighter.

Geddoe

	Nickname(s):	Geddy
	Star:	Tenjyu
	Age:	?
	First Appearance:	Part 1

He's the strong-and-silent badass type, and no one knows very much about him, except he's a mercenary and that he probably needs to shower more often. He may or may not have a hideous scar under his eyepatch.

Aila

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Teni
	Age:	16
	First Appearance:	Part 1

A Karayan girl about Hugo's age who's very much into the "bloodthirsty" aspect of being in the Karaya Clan. She's constantly seen checking out new weapons and babbling about "Karayan warrior honor" and the like. She's an honorable warrior, even though she's female! Get it?!

Jimba

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tenfu
	Age:	?
	First Appearance:	Part 1

Luce's other "son," despite the fact that he looks way too old to be any offspring of hers and he looks nothing like her or Lulu. Jimba has a mysterious past and has something to do with the Lightfellow family. Try to look surprised when you find out what it is.

Roland Lesaurus

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiin
	Age:	26
	First Appearance:	Part 1

One of the Six Knights of Zexen and the game's resident snotty elf asshole. He's quite possibly the only member of Chris' posse who isn't hot for her. I don't think that's any fault of Chris', if you follow me.

Leo Gallen

	Nickname(s):	Bubba
	Star:	Chisyu
	Age:	37
	First Appearance:	Part 3

Another of Chris' famous Six Knights of Zexen. Leo is the muscle of the group, which is conveyed by his giant axe, his gruff attitude, and his utter lack of prettiness. But he's really a big softie on the inside, like all ugly, mean people. Or something. Also, he has a thing for Chris. I know, so shocking, isn't it?

Percival Fraulein

	Nickname(s):	Percy
	Star:	Chiki
	Age:	26
	First Appearance:	Part 3

Yet another of the Six Knights of Zexen. Percy is the prettyboy in a group chock full of prettyboys, and he knows it. Despite his looks, he's also the down-to-earth knight, from a humble farming village background. And--you guessed it--he's in love with Chris. Poor bastard's got a lot of competition.

Borus Redrum

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chimou
	Age:	25
	First Appearance:	Part 3

One more famous Knight of Zexen, this one is the real Swordsman of Wank/Rage. Borus has a hot temper and a lot of pent-up anger, which he shows by repeatedly punching walls. It's possible that most of his pent-up anger stems from getting rejected by Chris.

Ace

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tenhei
	Age:	35
	First Appearance:	Part 5

The financial guru of the 12th Unit, Ace spends most of his time bitching at his colleagues because of their booze expenditures. But he himself spends money on women. He likes chicks. A lot. CHICKS CHICKS CHICKS CHICKS CHICKS. CHICKS!!!

Queen

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tenson
	Age:	31
	First Appearance:	Part 5

The one female member of Geddoe's 12th Unit. She keeps up the collective cool cred of the women of Suikoden III by being intelligent, competent and fierce in battle. Then again, she's very threatened by chicks with bigger boobs than her. She should get over that.

Joker

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chitai
	Age:	46
	First Appearance:	Part 5

Joker is the mage of the 12th Unit, at least until Geddoe shows off his spoilery runic powers. He's also the "old man" of the group, and I'd say he's actually old for a change, but I think my mom would kill me for calling 46 "old."

Jacques

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chisin
	Age:	22
	First Appearance:	Part 5

Guess what, it's one more member of the 12th Unit. Jacques is a mysterious fellow, partly because he's always disappearing and doesn't talk much, partly because he actually likes Aila, and partly because he manages to stash a crossbow bigger than his whole body in his anal cavity. Ow.

Sarah

	Nickname(s):	Whitney
	Star:	Chizen
	Age:	19
	First Appearance:	Part 5

It's a good thing all the other chicks in this game are cool and interesting, because Sarah alone tips the scales back the other way. She's beautiful, mysterious, soopah-powerful, and above all, a spineless wimp. And a servant girl for three men. Do I have to say it? Okay: MARY SUE!!!

Cecile

	Nickname(s):	Samwise Gamgee
	Star:	Tentai
	Age:	13
	First Appearance:	Part 6

Cecile is the captain of the castle guard at Lake Castle. The place must really be dirt poor, because the captain can't even get full armor, and has to galavant around in a plaid skirt and kneesocks with her metal breastplate. In her shoes, I'd be circulating my resume around the area, but Cecile isn't bitter and unfulfilled like me. Probably a good thing.

Thomas

	Nickname(s):	Frodo Baggins
	Star:	Tenkai
	Age:	16
	First Appearance:	Part 6

Thomas, given that he is the Tenkai Star, is arguably the true hero of this story. Not that the heroes of Suikoden have ever been beacons of masculinity, but that's pretty laughable. Unless he's going to be charged with a quest to throw the One Ring into the fires of Mount Doom, I can't see meek little Thomas doing anything that would make anyone cry out, "Hail, Sir Thomas, Hero of the Grasslands!" Seriously. The guy wears flood pants and knee socks.

The Flame Champion

	Nickname(s):	Isaac Hayes
	Star:	none
	Age:	?
	First Appearance:	Part 9

The Flame Champion was a legendary hero from 50 years ago who went from leading a gang of bandits to uniting the Grassland clans to fight against Harmonia. He had the True Fire Rune, so it wasn't just a clever name.

Nash Clovis

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tensoku
	Age:	37
	First Appearance:	Part 10

This smirking old man was the hero of the two Japan-only Suikogaiden games, and as a result he seems to have a bit of a swollen head (not like that) and loves the sound of his own voice. In truth he doesn't stand out that much, since he's only yet another gay man who feels the need to hit on Chris and follow her around.

Sasarai

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tengou
	Age:	32
	First Appearance:	Part 11

Our favorite twinky Harmonian bishop returns 15 years later, still looking very twinky but missing his amazing giant blue hat. He is leading the Harmonian army to war against Grassland, so obviously he will be a villain for the rest of the game. Yup, no chance of this guy joining up with the forces of good!

Albert Silverberg

	Nickname(s):	Man in Coat, Man with Eyebrows
	Star:	Chikai
	Age:	24
	First Appearance:	Part 11

This man with the famous name is mysteriously palling around with The Mask’s obviously villainous crew and with another Harmonian bishop. What is his deal? And has he never heard of eyebrow sculpting?

Caesar Silverberg

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tenki
	Age:	17
	First Appearance:	Part 12

The latest in a line of super genius strategists in the Silverberg family. Caesar is Leon’s grandson, and thank God the resemblance is not obvious.

Yuber

	Nickname(s):	Man in Black (uh, uh)
	Star:	Tenyu
	Age:	?
	First Appearance:	Part 13

Yuber may have moved out of his black plate armor phase and into his white Michael Jackson phase, but he's still the same guy who loves chaos and destruction and anarchy, man. I wonder if he and Pesmerga broke up and that's what inspired the wardrobe change, How Stella Got Her Groove Back-style.

Stars of Destiny

Lucia

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Teni
	Age:	37
	First Appearance:	Part 1

In the 15 years since Suikoden II, Lucia has taken over leadership of the Karaya Clan and had a son. Oh yeah, and she's no longer a psycho. She enjoys giving Hugo lots of hugs in public and embarrassing him as much as possible. Mothers.

Anne

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chisou
	Age:	27
	First Appearance:	Part 1

An extremely vapid-looking Karayan woman who wants to open her own inn and bar. Gee, maybe Hugo can help her find a place to start her business! Wouldn't that be an amazing coincidence?

Beecham

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiziku
	Age:	42
	First Appearance:	Part 1

Some of you may remember Lucia's passing reference to someone named "Beechum" in Suikoden II. Well, he apparently changed the spelling of his name since we heard of him last. And if you were expecting him to be important, don't be too disappointed, because...he isn't. At all. He's just this guy, you know?

Luce

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiin
	Age:	46
	First Appearance:	Part 1

Lulu's mom. That fact alone makes me resent her existence. Fortunately, she makes it her business to constantly rag on him and embarrass him, almost--but not quite--making up for her bringing him into the world in the first place. To add insult to injury, she has a mustache.

Fred

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chii
	Age:	23
	First Appearance:	Part 1

His grandfather Max somehow convinced him to take on his old gig, so now Fred wanders the lands as a Maximillian Knight, smiting evil (not really) and generally being a dickhead to everyone he meets. How endearing.

Rico

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiei
	Age:	14
	First Appearance:	Part 1

Max had Sancho, thus Fred must have Rico. Despite Fred's many glaring personality flaws, Rico worships the ground he walks on. She's probably in love with him on some level. God help her.

Guillaume

	Nickname(s):	Guillaume the Pedophile
	Star:	Chizoku
	Age:	45
	First Appearance:	Part 2

Let's not mince words--this guy likes children. I mean, really likes them. Konami simply abandoned all pretense and decided he should chase little girls and try to poke their behinds with a spear. ...Yeah, exactly.

Melville

	Nickname(s):	Bizarro Tidus, Sudit
	Star:	Tenken
	Age:	12
	First Appearance:	Part 2

The Swordsman of Rage of the Saint Loa Knights, Melville is the super-serious kid, the one with something to prove. Unfortunately, that something is "my dad rules," and he "proves" it by constantly talking about the guy, so needless to say he's a smidgen irritating.

Alanis

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tenzai
	Age:	12
	First Appearance:	Part 2

The Silver Maiden of the Saint Loa Knights. Alanis has always had trouble making friends due to her father's business travel, but she finally found two best friends in Melville and Elliot. I wonder if she's just not aware that she can do better.

Elliot

	Nickname(s):	Ralphie
	Star:	Tenpai
	Age:	12
	First Appearance:	Part 2

Elliot is the Swordsman of Wind of the, you guessed it, Saint Loa Knights. His worth to the group is...being able to smell stuff. Wow, how did the Saint Loa Knights ever get along without him?

Dupa

	Nickname(s):	Well Endowed Dupa
	Star:	Tenyu
	Age:	35
	First Appearance:	Part 4

Dupa starts out as one of the most respected fighters in the Lizard Clan, but due to tragedy and all that he becomes the new Chief. He's supposed to be fearsome and intimidating, but he wears a pink headdress. Fortunately, he still has a gigantic...tail.

Shiba

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tenmou
	Age:	27
	First Appearance:	Part 5

Another Lizard that's packin' heat between his legs. Shiba shows Geddoe around the Aptly-Named Great Hollow, before fading into obscurity as One of Those Lizards That's Not Dupa. He also wears a white man-dress.

Martha

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chizen
	Age:	65
	First Appearance:	Part 6

Martha is the withered hag who runs the lottery ticket booth at Thomas's castle. Though I have won many zillions of potch from her, I still think she's a nasty old battleaxe and I make sure to shoot her dirty looks through the TV screen whenever possible. For what it's worth, she probably wouldn't like me, either.

Piccolo

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiken
	Age:	62
	First Appearance:	Part 6

Piccolo is the castle's categorically useless fortune teller. He makes up for it by being a decent mage, but counteracts that by having the lamest non-removable rune in the entire game. Just to get back to even on the scale of worthfulness, he needs to have naked ladies in his tent at all times.

Mike

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chisu
	Age:	26
	First Appearance:	Part 6

The good news: Mike is not Tai Ho. The further good news: Tai Ho is not in this game. The bad news: while Mike's Kabu is not on an equal level of mind-blowing pain as The Game That Shall Not Be Named, it still makes me pull chunks of hair out of my scalp as I watch Mike shamelessly cheat his way into Geddoe's pocketbook. Fucker.

Duke

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chikatsu
	Age:	33
	First Appearance:	Part 6

Sexy redhead Duke is the captain of the 14th Unit, rival to Geddoe's 12th Unit, where rival means "they're never actually equal but they like to fight each other anyway." Duke has a staggering inferiority complex about Geddoe beating his ass all the time, so he makes up for it by having a girl with gigantic tits on his arm at all times. Yeah, take that, Geddoe.

Elaine

	Nickname(s):	Gazongas
	Star:	Chimei
	Age:	32
	First Appearance:	Part 6

Elaine, I'm sure, has a lot of interesting personality traits, and if someone were so inclined, they could write her as a fascinating and colorful character. I am not so inclined, and am instead choosing to concentrate on her watermelon-sized chi-chis. BOOBIES!

Nicolas

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiri
	Age:	39
	First Appearance:	Part 6

Nicolas is the resident tank of the 14th Unit, between his stocky constitution and his big circular shield. Like his canine friend Gau, he's not the talkative type, but he says just enough for us to know that he and Geddoe were probably friends at some point and that he's not an asshole. He just hangs out with assholes.

Gau

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chikai
	Age:	26
	First Appearance:	Part 6

He's a Kobold with an eyepatch. That's pretty much it.

Sebastian

	Nickname(s):	Cogsworth
	Star:	Chihi
	Age:	46
	First Appearance:	Part 7

Sebastian is the plump, fussy, worrying butler of Thomas's heart castle. He is simultaneously Budehuc's accountant, cook, maître'd and Hobbit pimp daddy. He and Thomas clearly have a "special" relationship which I hope I never see immortalized in fanfiction.

Eike

	Nickname(s):	Lurch
	Star:	Chisui
	Age:	35
	First Appearance:	Part 7

Every castle needs a creepy guy with bags under his eyes who never talks to anyone, and at Budehuc Eike is that guy. Everyone at the castle obviously suspects him of being a child-molesting psycho, when in fact he's hiding out in his secret cave to get away from children. Dude just wants to read in a quiet place and everyone thinks he's unhinged. Poor guy.

Muto

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chison
	Age:	22
	First Appearance:	Part 7

I said that Suikoden II's Ridley is the only smart Kobold ever, and I am sticking by that one hundred percent. Even if Muto didn't dress like a mentally challenged five year old, even without his lobotomy scar, Muto himself even tells you that he's not very smart. He almost makes Gengen look intelligent, people.

Juan

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tenman
	Age:	?
	First Appearance:	Part 7

Budehuc's Bujutsu teacher, Juan spends more time sleeping and being a butthole than actually doing any skill training. And somehow, despite the fact that he is almost always sleeping, the aroused hedgehog growing out of his scalp is never mussed at all. Amazing!

Koroku

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chima
	Age:	2
	First Appearance:	Part 8

Koroku is the leader of the Canine Mafia at Budehuc and is also Cecile's second-in-command in the castle guards. As if all of that isn't cool enough, he gets to live in a very awesome castle-shaped doghouse. I think he might even get to see Jeane naked.

Peggi

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiko
	Age:	24
	First Appearance:	Part 8

Easily the coolest blacksmith in the Suikoden series, now and forever. Between his beady-eyed Lizard countenance and his bellowing cries of "Peggi can sharpen that!" there is no finer anywhere. All bow at the altar of Peggi.

Twaikin

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chibun
	Age:	41
	First Appearance:	Part 8

Twaikin the Dwarf compensates for his lack of stature by making prolific use of his long, hard shovel in public places. After the Lizards kick him out of the Great Hollow for trying to out-penis them, he spends the rest of the game in Budehuc's basement, digging in the same spot day and night with no visible progress.

Scott

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tenbou
	Age:	19
	First Appearance:	Part 8

The completely fashion-retarded trader of Budehuc Castle. He seems like a nice enough guy, if a little dumb, but that outfit of his is a crime against humanity. My corneas will never be the same.

Jeane

	Nickname(s):	Jeanne
	Star:	Chiketsu
	Age:	?
	First Appearance:	Part 8

The same Jeane that's in every Suikoden game. She's hot, she staples runes to people's hands and foreheads (ow), and she's Very Mysterious™, though she doesn't have a True Rune, a revelation that probably ruined tens of thousands of "MY VERSION OF SUIKO 5!!!!11" fanfics.

Ernie

	Nickname(s):	Apple Jr.
	Star:	Tenkoku
	Age:	13
	First Appearance:	Part 8

I really have nothing against Ernie--she's actually fairly useful, unlike 75 percent of the recruits in the Suikoden series. And she's certainly a fair sight better than her namesake, but it can't be avoided that they look a lot alike. I call 'em like I see 'em.

Dominic

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiyu
	Age:	52
	First Appearance:	Part 8

The castle armorer who's obsessed with Mole Armor. I can't think of much else to say about him, because I'm stuck on how completely sad it is that a professional armorer would think the Mole Armor was at all cool.

Augustine Nabor

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chichin
	Age:	34
	First Appearance:	Part 8

Apparently a she-male who loves his "Rose Broach" and has the most amazing fucking aura ever. Naturally, his supernova-level flamingness makes him the darling golden boy of Budehuc Castle.

Nei

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiraku
	Age:	19
	First Appearance:	Part 8

An Elf musician with silly turquoise anime hair. Because she and Roland are both Elves, they must be in love. Nevermind that Roland is totally gay.

Toppo

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chian
	Age:	33
	First Appearance:	Part 8

Toppo plays the fiddle in the musicians' trio. Since he never talks and is basically a surplus character, all I can tell you about him is that he has the most phallic nose ever. Check that thing out.

Shabon

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiyu
	Age:	6
	First Appearance:	Part 8

In the musical power trio that is Nei, Toppo and Shabon, Shabon is a good stereotypical youngster and plays the tambourine. Guillaume attempts to fondle her ass, surprising no one.

Goro

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiretsu
	Age:	19
	First Appearance:	Part 8

The son of Suikoden II's bathmeister, Tetsu. Goro has an unhealthy fixation on his dad's baths, and has made it his mission in life to bring his dad to orgasm through a pleasurable bathing experience. Oh, and he has a great ass.

Mel

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiku
	Age:	15
	First Appearance:	Part 8

Mel looks like a perfectly normal 15-year-old girl, but she's actually a ventriloquist. A bugfuck crazy, self-mutilating, rabid-dog-fetishing ventriloquist. Just what the army needs.

Tuta

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chijyu
	Age:	26
	First Appearance:	Part 8

Tuta...well, Tuta got hot in the fifteen years since we last saw his bug-eyed, girly self. He even picked up a woman on the way who seems to have no qualms about being his beard. Unfortunately, being one of the few returning characters in this game has given him massive delusions of grandeur considering his role in the Yaoi Army.

Mio

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chirei
	Age:	27
	First Appearance:	Part 8

Nurse Mio is Tuta's sidekick and obviously a cover for his gay lifestyle. She does pretty well at it too--who would guess that any man would spend so much time with a cute girl in a nurse outfit and not tap it?

Watari

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chikou
	Age:	24
	First Appearance:	Part 8

If you like your ninjas with angst, and lots of it, then you'll love Watari. He comes expensive--100,000 potch is a big chunk of change even for a lottery gazillionaire--but for the price he comes with brooding expression, bad Hot Topic-purchased hair dye, mysterious past and diary of badly written death poetry. Get yours now!

Gordon

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chikou
	Age:	35
	First Appearance:	Part 8

Budehuc's item shop owner might be even gayer than Augustine, if only for the fact that he thinks Augustine is the finest-looking man he's ever laid eyes on. That, and he looks like a Victorian parlor room threw up on him.

Shizu

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chisou
	Age:	21
	First Appearance:	Part 8

Another name-drop recruit: Shizu is the young, nubile assistant of Adlai, one of three guys in the series to "invent" the elevator. And there I have to give Shizu credit: she's the only elevator person in the series thus far who doesn't claim to have invented the thing. But maybe that's because she's just a dumb girl, hee!

Ayame

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chikyou
	Age:	25
	First Appearance:	Part 8

Another brooding ninja. But she's a girl and wears purple instead of all black. For some reason, she doesn't like Watari. Even though he's got such a cheery personality.

Wilder

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chitan
	Age:	21
	First Appearance:	Part 9

The thin, prissy duck of the Duck Comedic Duo. He even has glasses--that's how we're supposed to figure out his personality! Both he and Rhett hero-worship Sergeant Joe, which is unspeakably sad.

Rhett

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chikaku
	Age:	22
	First Appearance:	Part 9

Where Wilder is the thin one, you guessed it: Rhett is the fat one! How do they do it? Though both of them are bumbling buffoons, Rhett--'cause he's fat, get it?--seems to be the more bumbling one.

Lilly Pendragon

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chikyu
	Age:	22
	First Appearance:	Part 9

Lilly is the daughter of Gustav, the leader of the City-State of Tinto from Suikoden II. Lilly was just a little girl when Neclord tried to do unspeakable things to her, and now she's grown into an entitled, bitchy, hilarious woman who dresses like d'Artagnan. She and Chris don't get along, because all women secretly hate each other.

Reed

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chisa
	Age:	27
	First Appearance:	Part 9

One of Lilly's pussywhipped attendants. Has no personality to speak of, but may be getting it on with Samus. I'm just making stuff up at this point.

Samus

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiyu
	Age:	26
	First Appearance:	Part 9

Lilly's other lickspittle. Really, it makes sense that Reed and Samus are doing it, both because this is a Suikoden game and because getting laid on the regular is the only explanation for how these two could deal with Lilly so long without snapping and killing her.

Bazba

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tenritsu
	Age:	29
	First Appearance:	Part 10

Another warrior of the Lizard Clan. Bazba, one of Dupa's right-hand Lizards, is apparently considered to be "the cute one"--I guess narrow snouts must be really in right now. Other than his good looks, Bazba distinguishes himself from his clansmen by using magic and wearing a phallic spike on his head.

Barts

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chitou
	Age:	23
	First Appearance:	Part 10

Barts is a farmer from nearby Iksay Village who has his fields burned to ash by the awesome power of The Cold Truth of War™. He starts his farming life anew at Buttfuck Castle, where everyone will appreciate his award-winning zucchinis and the stylish fur trim on his jacket.

Nadir

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chisei
	Age:	?
	First Appearance:	Part 11

A theater enthusiast, Nadir sits around Caleria’s inn, waiting for some benevolent soul to bring him an entire, perfectly cast, six-person ensemble for his play. It’s sad that someone will eventually end up doing this and validate his laziness. He looks like Edgeworth auditioning for Phantom of the Opera.

Belle

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chikei
	Age:	13
	First Appearance:	Part 11

Of all the people from Suikoden II to have a child, of course the game designers would choose the unaccompanied legal minor who would probably be attracted to any van with a colorful enough paint job. It’s really better not to think too much about Belle’s origins--it’s easy enough to make fun of her for wandering around half the game begging for a screw.

Gadget Z

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chisyun
	Age:	2
	First Appearance:	Part 11

Meg had Gadget, so her daughter obviously must have Gadget Z. This iteration of high-tech barrelbot technology looks slightly more menacing than the prototype, thanks to some well-placed spikes and rivets. If Belle added a racing stripe, some flames at the base, and welded some sunglasses to the back of his frame, she’d have accidentally invented Guy Fieri.

Billy

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chisyu
	Age:	36
	First Appearance:	Part 11

Billy is Melville’s father, so it should not stretch one’s imagination for me to label him a weapons-grade douchebag. He makes his living as a thief, or treasure hunter, or whatever, and on the side suckers poor saps like Geddy into playing a terrible card game for money. And unsurprisingly, he is a deadbeat dad and now his kid is a douchebag too. He is a terrible person and I hope he dies.

Franz

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tenrou
	Age:	26
	First Appearance:	Part 11

Franz is a member of Le Buque’s Mantor trainer corps, a group of skinny young men in puffy pants who ride vibrating flying locusts at the behest of their Harmonian masters. Even though he is one of many of these soldiers, he alone seems to be labeled an Uncle Tom for working for the village’s oppressors. If this makes me sound sympathetic toward Franz, I’m not, mostly because he is a breathtaking dickhead.

Ruby

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chihei
	Age:	5
	First Appearance:	Part 11

Franz’s terrifying bug mount. Given a pretty girl’s name because that’s what women look like to men in this universe.

Iku

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tensui
	Age:	25
	First Appearance:	Part 11

Franz’s girlfriend. Ha! Good one, game designers. More accurately, Iku is a citizen of Le Buque who feels the need for some reason to defend Franz and his shitty behavior and attitude to all the people in the village who hate him, even though she admits she agrees with basically everything they say and thinks he’s an asshole trying to fuck his way up the Harmonian society ladder. But no, they’re in love. Let’s go with that.

Edge

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tenan
	Age:	19
	First Appearance:	Part 11

Edge is the ultimately boring and disappointing new guardian of the Star Dragon Sword, given to him by Viktor as a punishment for being such a tool. He wears horrible, horrible clothing.

Arthur

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiyou
	Age:	15
	First Appearance:	Part 12

Another poor sod trying to enlighten the gay masses of Suikoland with hard-hitting journalism. Naturally all Buttfuck Castle can offer him is an unpaid internship.

Kathy

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chisatsu
	Age:	18
	First Appearance:	Part 12

Kathy is a horse wrangler and firmly in the demographic of ladies who want--no, need--pink Dallas Cowboys hats and "Cowgirl Up" stickers for their Ford F-150s. Frodo stashes her girl parts as far away from the main castle as possible.

Mamie

	Nickname(s):	Mei Mi
	Star:	Chizou
	Age:	15
	First Appearance:	Part 12

A cook in desperate need of a crab...rice bowl. Mamie is actually Mei Mi, Bashok’s daughter from Suikoden II, so she’d barely even been born before she was used as a plot device located entirely within a mini-game.

Hortez VII

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chikou
	Age:	22
	First Appearance:	Part 12

Hortez is our requisite space cadet scrollmaker in a red headdress, but this time they were considerate enough to make him a hot dude. Still waiting for the Edgeworth-esque silver fox male version of Jeane.

Sanae Yamamoto

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chikei
	Age:	14
	First Appearance:	Part 12

At some point after Freed was dragged home from the war by Yoshino, he despaired of ever being surrounded by horny studs again and agreed to get down to procreating with his--gulp--wife. We know this really happened, because Sanae looks like Yoshino but with her father’s poor vision and off-putting personality.

Kidd

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiyu
	Age:	12
	First Appearance:	Part 12

The love child of Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth--and a delusional "ace detective" no doubt raised by his unpaid but enthusiastic au pair, Dick Gumshoe--Kidd digs up gossip on other people at Buttfuck Castle, a talent he demonstrated early in life by spying on other attorneys for his dads in the courthouse men’s room.

Kenji

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chihi
	Age:	35
	First Appearance:	Part 12

A nymphomaniac who justifies his insatiable lust for exhibitionist, vigorous, outdoor sex as a passion for exercise. He nearly kills Thomas and dooms me to the bad ending.

Apple

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chifuku
	Age:	33
	First Appearance:	Part 12

It’s fucking Apple again. I’m so excited. This time around she’s doing her best Miss Honey impression, with Caesar as Matilda. Since she’s not a teenager anymore she is less annoying than she used to be, but I’m not sure that’s much of a compliment.

Mua

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chisatsu
	Age:	45
	First Appearance:	Part 13

A member of the Alliance of Free Knights or the Free Knights of Kamaro (or Camaro, possibly), which might be the same thing, or might be two completely separate orders, or might both be totally made up because somebody just likes carrying a big lance around. The important thing is that he and Hallec are codependents, and he is the Han Solo to Hallec's Chewbacca, if Han Solo had a ludicrously tragic hipster mustache.

Hallec

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tensatsu
	Age:	36
	First Appearance:	Part 13

Hallec is presumably from the same tribe as fellow furry Fu Su Lu, unless there are multiple tribes or communities in this series where half-naked muscular dudes walk around wearing dead animal pelts over their heads. Hallec enjoys screaming, which his companions surmise either from the battlefield or the noises coming from his and Mua's tent every evening.

Landis

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chido
	Age:	21
	First Appearance:	Part 13

Landis is a winger, so I should loathe him on general principle, but he seems both less annoying than Chaco and less unhinged than Sid, and he dresses better than both of them. That said, he would have been around six years old during the battle of Two River, which means he probably views Chaco as a--gulp--hero.

Dios

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Tenkou
	Age:	29
	First Appearance:	Part 13

What? No fucking way is this guy 29 years old. He looks old enough to be Sasarai's dad.

Emily

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiaku
	Age:	16
	First Appearance:	Part 13

Emily is the daughter of Ronnie Bell and Mose the blacksmith. I swear to God I am not making that up. Emily escaped from her My Five Dads sitcom life and is traveling Suikoland in search of people to arm wrestle. I want a fanfic where she meets up with Oulan's daughter and they are just the best of friends.

Wan Fu

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	Chiman
	Age:	35
	First Appearance:	Part 13

A man who likes food way more than he likes clothing. He is a broke ass who does nothing but eat, so naturally he's a perfect fit for Buttfuck Castle.

Other characters

Lulu

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	none
	Age:	?
	First Appearance:	Part 1

Another Karaya kid, but this one is a wanker. A big one. And there's no forgiving him, because his mom isn't at all hot. Lulu's purpose is to make everyone else look bad by saying embarrassing stereotypical things in public. Think of Wakka as a little kid, without all the bong action to mellow him out. There you go.

Sana

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	none
	Age:	?
	First Appearance:	Part 4

Sana is a kindly older woman who leads the people of Chisha, one of the tribes of Grassland. Incidentally, we find out she was quite the looker as a young lady. But she wasn't anyone's love interest. No. Really.

Waurenhyte

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	none
	Age:	?
	First Appearance:	Part 8

He's Scott's pet parrot and kind of a smart-ass. And that's it. I only included him here so I wouldn't invite the wrath of some furry feathery Waurenhyte fangirl.

Branky

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	none
	Age:	?
	First Appearance:	Part 8

It's much easier to think of Branky as a puppet controlled by crazy-ass Mel, and not to even consider the possibility that he is a real, sentient being. For starters, that would mean he spends all his time with Mel's hand up his ass.

Star Dragon Sword

	Nickname(s):	none
	Star:	none
	Age:	?
	First Appearance:	Part 11

He’s still a smart-ass talking sword. Unfortunately he is now carried by someone who is too boring to even make fun of.