According to the 20 people who have played it, Suikoden II is one of the best JRPGs ever made. It is truly unfortunate, then, that the same care was not put into translating it for English-speaking audiences, who were presented with linguistic gems like "bracing tincture" and "a scum." But if you can ignore all the typos and have
$100 or so $10 to burn (finally, thanks, PSN!), be sure to check this one out.
|North Window Castle
- Barry/Jowy: The true romance around which this whole saga revolves. Two social outcasts who have been together their whole lives, torn apart by The Cold Truth of War™ and Jowy's pathological need to switch sides so often that no one even knows who he's working for anymore. Barry and Jowy inherit True Runes that represent their star-crossed love and the magnetic pull of their penises.
- Bear/Flik: After their largely untold adventures in between Suikoden and Suikoden II, the more mature Bear and Flik have more or less turned into the most boring married couple ever.
- Flik/Nina: Okay, I don't actually think Flik wants anything to do with Nina, but her slavish devotion to him and his horrified reaction to it are hilarious and life-affirming.
- Barry/Shu/Klaus: Yes, Jowy is Barry's one true love and everything--their buttsex runes say so!--but that doesn't mean Barry is so out of touch with his current, Jowy-less reality that he can't engage with some other truly foxy men in his more immediate orbit.
- Jowy/Richard/Julia: Similarly, Jowy has moved on, but since he was the dumper rather than the dumpee, he just looks like a dick for carrying on with his hot sidekicks.
- Yuber/Pesmerga: I mean, obviously.
- The Asylum King: Adolf Hitler, if his nickname doesn't make it obvious, is firmly in mass murderer territory, and he manages to pile on the overpunctuated, maniacal laughing as well.
- Born and Raised in Bumfuck Egypt: Barry, Jowy, and Nanami are from Kyaro Village in Highland, which is portrayed as a tiny idyllic burg in the middle of nowhere, which was also conveniently the village the City-States and Highland fought over in their last war.
- But You're Just a Kid!: This persists much longer than it should, given that Barry is the leader of a whole army and all. Even his closest allies and confidants more or less treat him like a child, and Nanami, who's been traveling and fighting with him the entire way, is totally and unapologetically treated like one.
- The Cold Truth of War™: Two burned villages, a burned shitty fort, lost love and friendship, hideous outfits, and a castle full of freeloaders. Such is The Cold Truth of War™.
- Cutscene Filler: There are almost no FMVs in this game, which makes the few times they do pop up all the more jarring.
- The Full Moon Means They're Screwing: Barry and Jowy, while they're trapped in jail, look up at the moon together through the bars. Yeah, Nanami and Lassie are asleep in the same cell, but it's SO ROMANTIC. Flik and Nina also have several nighttime chats of this sort, though maybe not under a full moon specifically.
- Mini-games of the Damned: The Game That Shall Not Be Named returns from Suikoden. There's also a fishing game with Yam Koo that sucks. But both pale in comparison to the actually amazing Iron Chef HoYay.
- PENIS: Jowy is the bearer of the Black Sword (Penis) Rune, partner to Barry's Bright (Bottom) Shield Rune.
- Poisonously Poisonous Poison: Jowy hatches a plan to kill King Agares Blight by drinking antitoxin to make himself immune and then poisoning himself and dripping his
blood semen into Agares's wine glass. It will be his undoing!
- The Silent Hero: Barry is very, very silent. His doe eyes cut daggers into Jowy every time he's betrayed, though.
- The Unsinkable Ship: Barry and Jowy's love is so pure, it overcomes physical separation, Jowy's betrayal, Barry's assload of cuter men at his castle, and Jowy getting fucking married. To a lady.
- Holy fuckballs, the translation is so horrendously bad. The problems with it, however, do not extend to the massive overuse of punctuation, because I'm pretty sure the game was originally like that.