Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker

Recapper(s): Jeanne and Sam
Begun: 8.21.03
Completed: 1.22.06
Total recaps: 12
See also: Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker cast


The game that introduced a more cartoonish, cel-shaded look to the Zelda franchise, either taking it in a bold new artistic direction or ruining it forever, depending on what flavor of Internet tough guy you are. In Wind Wanker our gay hero Twink travels the seas with a talking boat who hates Alex Trebek. There's other stuff, but that is like 90 percent of the game.

Recap terminology
Game term Recap term
Hyoi Pear Orgasm Pear
Forsaken Fortress Forsaken Fucking Fortress
Piece of Heart Piece of Ass
Windfall Island NPC Island
Dragon Roost Island Dragon Phallus Island
Compass Comp Ass
Wind Waker Wind Wanker
Forest Haven Phallus Haven
Deku Leaf Dicku Shit
Boomerang Boomerwang
Tower of the Gods Phallus of the Gods
Master Sword Masturbator Sword
Skull Hammer Hammer of Recapper Revenge
Miniblins Shiggyblins
Floor Master Floor Masturbator
Wizzrobe Jizzrobe
Hookshot Moneyshot
Darknut Dicknut


  • Twink/pretty much every male on the Great Sea: The Twink of Wind Wanker is not what one would call discerning. He's at least considered getting down with any and all of the Big Gay Beedles, any and all of the Tingles, Makar and his oppressed Korok brothers, Prince Gollus, and at least a third of the NPCs on NPC Island. This is not an all-inclusive list.


  • Born and Raised in Bumfuck Egypt: The creatively named Outset Island, though it is large and has one of the largest populations of any of the inhabited islands, is still treated like a boring backwater shithole by Tetra and her pirate crew.
  • But You're Just a Kid!: Obviously, Twink is. Never mind that Tetra calls him "kid" all the time and looks to be his age or maybe younger.
  • Evil Vagina Flowers: There's an entire dungeon full of these, spreading their pollen dangerously close to Phallus Haven. But they are not to be confused with the kindly and lovely flowers Twink buys from the Gorons and plants all over NPC Island.
  • Mary Sue: Even for your average Princess Zelda iteration, Tetra is a mighty big Mary Sue. Not only is her royal identity a secret, and not only does she have her father, also in a secret identity, wandering around with the hero, but once Twink knows who she is, she has abandon her pirate ways and stay at the bottom of the ocean and do nothing.
  • PENIS: At least 50 percent of the islands on the Great Sea are natural phallic rock formations. It's uncanny. And then there are the manmade structures, like the Phallus of the Gods and (shudder) the Tingle Penis.
  • She's Been Acting Weird Lately!: Valoo, the tubby dragon guardian of Dragon Phallus Island, has been acting weird, according to his caretaker Medli. Having a massive One-Eyed Monster playing with his tail is bound to do that.
  • The Silent Hero: Oh my God, Twink is such a blab! Can't get that guy to shut up.
  • Wow, What a Cute Ocarina!: Twink's musical instrument in this installment is actually a conductor's baton, but he plays the wind itself, putting Twink in the running for being a big old Mary Sue too. His friends Makar and Medli each have their own musical instruments that they play at Twink's direction, but Makar's phallic bow for his violin has little testicle cherries on it.

Misc. Notes

  • Treasure Charts are basically a weary completionist's worst nightmare. Add in getting the full two bars of ass containers and filling out the Nintendo Gallery, and this game is fucking exhausting.