Characters in each section are listed in order of recap appearance.
Contents
- 1 Major characters
- 2 Other characters
- 2.1 Winston Payne
- 2.2 Cindy Stone
- 2.3 Frank Sahwit
- 2.4 April May
- 2.5 Marvin Grossberg
- 2.6 Misty Fey
- 2.7 Bellboy
- 2.8 Redd White
- 2.9 Will Powers
- 2.10 Jack Hammer
- 2.11 Wendy Oldbag
- 2.12 Penny Nichols
- 2.13 Sal Manella
- 2.14 Cody Hackins
- 2.15 Dee Vasquez
- 2.16 Lotta Hart
- 2.17 Robert Hammond
- 2.18 Manfred von Karma
- 2.19 Gregory Edgeworth
- 2.20 Yanni Yogi
- 2.21 Polly
Major characters
Phoenix Wright
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 24 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Our protagonist, a homosexual defense attorney with overly spiked hair and a pink tie. He has a penchant for taking on cases that seem like lost causes, but he always manages to turn them around using his brilliant lawyering skills. How he accomplishes this when the game designers made him dumber than a box of Tidus hair, I don't know. And I don't really care, because his real purpose is to have hot gay buttsex with other hot gay male characters in the game.
Mia Fey
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 27 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Phoenix's boss, and another supposedly brilliant defense attorney. She also, sad to say, wants in Phoenix's cheap blue pants. While most guys would be all over her -- with her revealing outfit and porn star hooters -- that's just not going to happen in this game. Also, it must be noted that at the advanced age of 27, she plays the role of the older, wiser mentor. And we know what always happens to them, don't we?
Larry Butz
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 23 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Phoenix's childhood friend and current boyfriend. Sure, the boyfriend thing isn't actually supported in canon, but the guy's last name is BUTZ. Do the math, people. Unfortunately for Phoenix, Larry is a giant, melodramatic douchebag who also plays the obligatory role of the "CHICKS CHICKS CHIIIIIIIIIIIICKS!!!!" guy in this game. On top of all those charming character traits, he manages to get himself arrested for murder. And it's up to his sexy boyfriend Phoenix to defend him. Oh, he'd SO better put out tonight.
The Judge
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | Ageless | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
He's powerful, ever-present, and unchanging -- kind of like God. If God has a below-zero IQ, that is. I'm not sure if he's senile or just really, really, really dumb and gullible. It could be both. Either way, he holds the power of life and death in his incompetent, gavel-banging hands. That should scare the everloving shit out of you.
Maya Fey
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 17 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
Accused of the murder of her older sister Mia, Maya is another defendant who was really just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Speaking of that, as the main female presence in the series, just by the virtue of her presence she has a knack for finding herself in absurd pairings with Phoenix, Edgeworth and any number of other clearly gay men.
Dick Gumshoe
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 30 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
Because any game about crime and punishment has to have one, Dick Gumshoe is our token inept detective with the general disposition of a braindead labrador. Detective Gumshoe usually manages to screw up even the most basic crime scene investigations and tends to make the prosecution look stupid whenever he takes the witness stand, which means he's invaluable to Phoenix.
Miles Edgeworth
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 24 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
Undefeated prosecutor, connoisseur of fuchsia and frills, purchaser of Just For Men Touch of Gray, and totally obvious lover of Phoenix Wright. I'm saying this up front in his character profile because, well, if you can't handle the idea of Phoenix and Edgeworth having sweaty buttsex at every possible opportunity between (and maybe during!) courtroom sessions, these recaps might not be for you.
Other characters
Winston Payne
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 52 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
The sad, unremarkable prosecutor who handles the first case of every game in the series. Sure, he has some mildly interesting character traits and an extremely minor backstory that we find out in future games. But in this one, the only trait worth noting is his spastic falsetto voice that sounds like the mating of Michael Jackson and a muppet. You're welcome!
Cindy Stone
|
Nickname(s): | ButzEx |
| Age: | 22 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
The victim in the first case. She was a supermodel with a terrible haircut and a habit of dating gay guys and sugar daddies until she was cut down in her prime by a really ugly dude in a flamboyant suit. Shit happens.
Frank Sahwit
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 36 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
The real murderer. I'm not spoiling anything for you here, because we see him murdering the victim in the very first scene. The majority of the first case involves wading through his blatantly false testimony in an attempt to coerce a confession out of him. Even the hilarity of his bright fuchsia suit doesn't make up for the tediousness of this.
April May
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 23 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
April wears pink, has obcenely large boobs and functions as a sad, thinly-veiled anvil to our heads that all men love women, and are not at all gay. What, did you think there were gay men in this game? How silly.
Marvin Grossberg
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 64 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
Mia's former mentor, a man who loves gay oil paintings, stretchy elastic in the waist of his pants, and tiny pairs of glasses. Wouldn't represent Maya in court because it would have cut down on his time trying to patent the Manzier.
Misty Fey
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 46 (at time of disappearance) | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
Mia and Maya's mother, who was a famous spirit medium. She was called on to channel a murder victim and name the killer, a fantastically great strategy that amazingly has not spread to police departments worldwide. When Redd White leaked this information to the press, she was ruined, and not, say, the idiotic police department who hired her.
Bellboy
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 26 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
He's...a bellboy. His creepiness, and the fact that he's a grown man with a profession that involves the word "boy," tend to downplay his attractiveness.
Redd White
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 39 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
The real murderer of Mia Fey, continuing our trend of murderers who love pink suits. White has blackmail material on pretty much every member of the local law enforcement system, but has more notoreity for owning the gayest set of office furniture known to man.
Will Powers
|
Nickname(s): | WP |
| Age: | 23 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
Phoenix's client in Case 3. He plays the Steel Samurai in the popular kids' show of the same name. Although he's huge, ugly, and terrifying, he also carries around a lace handkerchief and cries a lot. Supposedly, he murdered his coworker with a giant spear, but it's much more likely that he's the one on the receiving end of the spear thrusts, if you follow me.
Jack Hammer
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 37 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
The victim. Once upon a time, he was a huge action star, but now he's reduced to playing the part of the villain on a kids' TV show. Something terrible happened in the past to ruin him, but his reputation is definitely not helped by his more recent disturbing hobbies (hint: it rhymes with 'floofies').
Wendy Oldbag
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | fucking old | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
Her name sounds like "windy old bag," because she is a windy old bag. GET IT?! If you don't, you will after the twenty billion times other characters point out her name pun. She's the security guard at Global Studios, and goes out of her way to make everyone's life miserable, including mine. Her only redeeming quality is that she wants Edgeworth in a bad way, which makes for some hilariously disturbing courtroom moments.
Penny Nichols
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 18 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
She's a part-time assistant at Global Studios, and the one person who doesn't think that Will Powers is a murderous douchebag. There's not a lot to say about her, but she does appear to be one of the only female characters who doesn't hit on Phoenix. Therefore, Phoenix can't hate her.
Sal Manella
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 32 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 4 |
The director of The Steel Samurai, Sal is a walking otaku stereotype, defined by horrible leetspeak, a sweaty complexion, Cheetos-stained fingers, and an obsession with cosplaying girls. Though in his defense, he has a good job and it’s at least possible he doesn’t live in his mother’s basement.
Cody Hackins
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 7 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 4 |
Other than Maya, possibly the biggest Steel Samurai fan ever. He takes his camera with him wherever he goes, which mostly means restricted areas of television studios, apparently. Nemesis of Oldbag, since he has the audacity to not pay attention to “Keep off the Grass” signs.
Dee Vasquez
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 34 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 4 |
The producer of The Steel Samurai, and the person who’s actually responsible for its quality and popularity. Despite her drab attire and lack of any pink accessories, she is the true murderer in this case, but she makes up for the brown clothing with an eccentric attitude and a bunch of phallic, long-stemmed tobacco pipes.
Lotta Hart
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 22 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 5 |
Every case must have at least one annoying female witness, and Lotta Hart fills that role for Case 4. Not only does she have an awful southern accent, but she also owns a camera that is set to take automatic photos. The latter is a crime worthy of a death sentence.
Robert Hammond
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 48 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 5 |
The murder victim in the fourth case. He was a defense attorney who managed to get a not guilty verdict for the supposed murderer of Edgeworth's dad. More importantly to Phoenix, this totally not-hot guy was on a boat with Edgeworth in the middle of the night. At least he ended up dead before Phoenix could get to him.
Manfred von Karma
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 65 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 5 |
Von Karma is the ruthless, annoying prosecutor in Edgeworth's murder trial. Apparently he hasn't lost a case in 40 years, which I'm sure has nothing to do with illegal activities such as forging evidence. Based on his appearance, von Karma owns at least one windowless van and has a fully equipped sex dungeon in his basement. According to Edgeworth, von Karma talk him everything he knows. For Phoenix's sake, I hope he's referring exclusively to courtroom tactics.
Gregory Edgeworth
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 35 (deceased) | |
| First Appearance: | Part 7 |
Edgeworth's late father, a famous defense attorney and the victim in the notorious DL-6 Incident. We're probably supposed to look at him like he was Atticus Finch, World's Greatest Lawyer Dad, but he looks like he'd just disapprove of his son's lifestyle. But he's a hypocrite because his spirit flew into Misty Fey's body, which means he briefly dressed in drag and had fake boobs.
Yanni Yogi
|
Nickname(s): | Grandpa |
| Age: | 50 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 7 |
The suspect from the DL-6 case, who received a not guilty verdict but everyone thought he did it anyway. He was actually innocent in that case, but ended up becoming a murderer in his later years. The pink sweater made that pretty much inevitable. Most notably, he pretends he's senile through most of the case, ending up causing a ton of anguish for us recappers. Death penalty!
Polly
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 7 |
This stereotypically-named parrot was named after Yanni Yogi's dead fiancee, which is all sorts of weird. The bird wouldn't be worth including here, except that Phoenix brilliantly calls her as a witness. And she's the least aggravating witness in the history of the series, as it turns out, mostly because she knows only a few words.