Contents
Major characters
Stahn Aileron
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Nickname(s): | Aslan, the Slovenly Lion |
| Age: | 19 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Four things you need to know about Stahn, the country-boy hero of the tale -- he has a huge talking sword, huge shoulder pads, huge hair which makes his sprite resemble a lion, and is a stowaway on the Draconis, whatever that is. Oh, and he's quite possibly gay. Yes, I know I can't count. Stahn seems to alternate between being very funny and very annoying, meaning that I'm never quite sure if I love him or hate him.
Dymlos
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Nickname(s): | Sword of Snark |
| Age: | Ancient | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Dymlos is discovered by Stahn hidden in the storeroom of the Draconis, and the sword soon claims Stahn as his master. Yes, Dymlos can talk. Accept it now, because Stahn sure won't. Dymlos is a Swordian, magical swords imbued with great power. He's also a snarky, irritable god among swords who rags on Stahn at every opportunity. How can you not love that?
Garr Kelvin
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Nickname(s): | Kelvin, Silver-Haired Depressive |
| Age: | 23 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
In the words of the instruction manual, Garr is "a good-looking fellow". Really, that's all there is to him at the moment -- not a lot is known about him, you see. Yep, another mysterious silver-haired bishounen-type. Is there a production line or something? Garr rescues Stahn from a freezing lake and...ahem...puts him to bed before travelling with him for a while. What happens later remains to be seen, although it's safe to say he'll be flicking his fabulous silver locks all the way.
Chelsea Torn
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 14 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Aaah, she's cute and adorable because she's always getting lost, yet seems to be wise beyond her years! Dontcha just love kooky child prodigies? Actually, Chelsea is a damn sight less annoying than most of her ilk, and is also pretty handy with a bow, so I can't dislike her. The poor girl is always running into the woods to escape the clutches of her creepy grandfather.
Mary Argent
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Nickname(s): | Scary |
| Age: | 24 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
According to the instruction manual, "it's really hard to tell if she has amnesia or is just plain dense". Says it all really, doesn't it? Mary is a scarily masculine woman who can't remember anything about herself but her name. She doesn't say much, but transforms into a screaming hellcat during battle. The woman clearly has some kind of mental disorder, and it scares me.
Rutee Kaltrea
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 18 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
A Yuffie clone (although arguably wearing more clothes) who would sell her own mother into slavery if a few Lens were at hand. The light-fingered, gald-grabbing little minx is almost as snarky as SoS himself, but since her bitchiness is directed towards Aslan I can't help but love her, bless her thieving li'l heart.
Leon Magnus
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 16 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
This patronizing, rude, snobbish swordsman serves the Kingdom of Seinegald and captures the party when they cause a ruckus in Harmentz. What I don't understand is why Aslan and the others allow this jumped-up, pink-caped 16-year old to repeatedly speak to them as if they're shit on his shoes.
Philia Felice
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 19 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
A trainee priestess who was petrified by her master, Lydon, when he stole the Eye of Atamoni. She's described as having a kind, gentle and naïve personality, completely unlike any other healer character in RPG history.
Other characters
Alba
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
A kindly old man living in the woods, whose house serves as a recuperation place for Stahn after his plunge into the lake. Alba is very fond of his granddaughter Chelsea and is forever pleading with her to "fix his pants". Hmmm.
John
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Nickname(s): | Grid's Bitch |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
John is one of the three Black Wings, an obnoxiously self-important trio of Lens Hunters. He's the least annoying of the three (probably because he doesn't say much) and clearly has a major crush on his leader, Grid. Oh, and his viking helmet sucks.
Milly
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Nickname(s): | Milly the Desperate |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
Milly, the token vagina of the Black Wings and bad pun-maker extraordinaire, follows the tradition set by previous RPG females when she practically molests Aslan as soon as she sets eyes on him. Shall you tell her or shall I?
Grid
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Nickname(s): | Grid the Impotent |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
Grid loves Grid. So far, that's the only facet of his 'character', and it alone makes me want to do illegal things with my controller cord. But for now I'll have to settle with making Aslan piss him off as much as possible. Small things amuse small minds, you know.
Atwight
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
A Swordian carried by Rutee, Atwight is basically a female version of Dymlos, but without the snarkiness. In other words, she's about as interesting as watching Tidus painting a wall, which makes me wonder why Rutee has let her stick around for so long. Supposedly super-intelligent and with healing powers, just think of her as the Swordian equivalent of a Mary Sue.
Chaltier
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
Leon's Swordian, nothing much is known about Chaltier yet, other than the fact that the other Swordians think he's sold out by serving an obnoxious noble like Leon.
King of Seinegald
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
King Seinegald is a monarch straight from the Generic Kingly Character production line. He seems to be having a secret affair with his "trusted vassal", which makes him a little more interesting than most of his kind.
Hugo Gilchrist
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Nickname(s): | Bill |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
Hugo is the President of the Oberon Corporation, the biggest Lens manufacturer in the world, making him pretty much the richest guy around. Naturally, he acts like a twat because he shits gold. He's also excessively creepy.
Otto
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
A crazy old scientist who appears to be running a secret drug factory in the king's front yard. He's probably a completely inconsequential character, but I had to include him here in case he's, like, the big bad of the game or something.
Rembrandt
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
Hugo's creepy housekeeper who, beneath a kindly and genial façade, harbours an unhealthy interest in serving girls young enough to be his granddaughters.
Marian
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
A maid in Hugo's service who seems to have a thing for Leon. She even knows his real name and everything. Despite this, the poor sap's clearly going to have her heart broken.