Contents
Major characters
Squall Leonhart
|
Nickname(s): | Squally |
| Age: | 17 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
The main character, a student at a military school. Wears a short leather coat with a fur collar, leather pants, jewelry, and eyeliner. Uses a gunblade, the most phallic weapon ever. Squall is obviously gay, although the game's script would argue otherwise.
Seifer Almasy
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 18 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Squall's rival, and the only other guy at Garden who uses a gunblade. Seifer and Squall have more chemistry than Squall and Rinoa, which leads one to the inevitable conclusion that Squall and Seifer want each other badly. Plus, they're both hot.
Quistis Trepe
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 18 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Squall's instructor, who wants him badly. I know, it's hard to believe that a female character in an RPG would fall in love with the hero. Quistis lends herself well to "naughty teacher" fanfiction, since she is young and hot, and most importantly, uses a whip. Her love for Squall is destined to remain unrequited, since he is gay.
Zell Dincht
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 17 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
Yet another Garden student. He's spazzy, but has a heart of gold. And a giant tattoo on his face. That's gotta hurt. He doesn't understand the..."interactions"...between Squally and Seifer, but he does seem to feel left out.
Selphie Tilmitt
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 17 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
She is a student at Balamb Garden, and is the requisite spastic perky female character. She likes blowing stuff up. Also, she's the only female character that hasn't obviously thrown herself at Squall. Maybe she knows the truth.
Laguna Loire
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 27 (flashbacks) | |
| First Appearance: | Part 4 |
A soldier in the Galbadian Army, encountered in the "dream world." He's a complete buffoon, and he has the hots for a pianist/singer. A female, surprisingly.
Ward Zabac
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 25 (flashbacks) | |
| First Appearance: | Part 4 |
One of Laguna's friends, another soldier in the Galbadian Army. He's the only male playable character in the game who isn't pretty or girly. I felt that was worth noting for some reason.
Kiros Seagill
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 23 (flashbacks) | |
| First Appearance: | Part 4 |
Yet another of Laguna's friends and a fellow G-Army soldier. If the immense amount of fanfiction featuring him and Laguna is any indicator, the two are screwing like rabbits. However, the game hasn't made their relationship super clear yet, so I'll withhold judgement. Oh, who am I kidding? They're totally doing it.
Rinoa Heartilly
|
Nickname(s): | Rinhoa |
| Age: | 17 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 4 |
The most useless Final Fantasy heroine ever. Not only is she completely helpless, but she's also not much of a love interest, seeing as how Squall is gay. She never quite catches on to that fact, happy to remain a beard forever.
Irvine Kinneas
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 17 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 6 |
Okay. Dude. He wears a cowboy outfit. With a low-cut vest and necklace. Oh, and he "loves chicks." His whole life revolves around shooting off his rifle. Are we noticing a pattern here? Gay gay gay gay GAY.
Edea Kramer
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 7 |
Finally, we put a name to our mysterious sorceress. Since she is an important female character, she is inevitably gorgeous and wears revealing clothes. Since she is a sorceress, she wears a bizarre headdress and make-up. Her hobbies include death, destruction, and surrounding herself with homosexual men. Like that's tough in this game.
Ellone
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 9 |
Some little kid who had the misfortune of acquiring Laguna as a father figure after her parents died. We're supposed to melt into gooey puddles of wankery over the kyoot widdle kid who can't speek proper Engwish, but fuck that shit -- it's annoying.
Other characters
Raijin
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 18 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
One of Seifer's cohorts and a member of the "disciplinary committee". He is supposed to be a comic relief character because he says "ya know" at the end of every sentence, ya know.
Fujin
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 17 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
The third member of the disciplinary committee. She is also a comic relief character because she speaks in SHORT SENTENCES. ALL CAPS.
Cid Kramer
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 40 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
In this incarnation, Cid is the headmaster of Balamb Garden. He appears to like sweater vests and the sound of his own voice. He also really, really wants to have a "gunblade master" in SeeD. Take that how you will.
Biggs
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 17 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
The leader of the comic relief Galbadian Army duo. He's constantly pissed off at those meddling kids for ruining his career.
Wedge
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | 17 | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
Biggs' underling, the other half of the Galbadian Army comic relief duo. He bears the brunt of Biggs' anger. No, not like that, although I'm sure there's a fanfiction about it somewhere.
Julia Heartilly
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Nickname(s): | MarySulia |
| Age: | 22 (flashbacks) | |
| First Appearance: | Part 4 |
She's the hot young pianist/singer-wannabe that Laguna and a bunch of random soldiers have a crush on. For some reason she seems to like Laguna back. Must be his raging girl hair.
Watts
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Nickname(s): | Marty McFly |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 4 |
One of the Timber Owls. He's obsessed with gathering information and calling people "sir." Oddly, he seems to respect and fear Rinoa. The hell?
Zone
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Nickname(s): | Pregnant Guy |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 4 |
Another of the Forest Owls. He has stomach issues, which I can certainly identify with, particularly if I had to be around Rinoa on a regular basis. Sadly, he's a total wanker.
Vinzer Deling
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Nickname(s): | Squally |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 5 |
He's the meanie president of Galbadia and Rinhoa's lifelong enemy. That actually doesn't make him seem too bad.
General Caraway
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 7 |
He is half responsible for creating the horror that is Rinoa. That's bad. But he wants to keep Rinoa far, far away from the other characters. That's good. Plus, he kind of looks like Auron. Seriously, in spite of his contribution to my high blood pressure, I can't really hate the guy. Probably because I don't want to be like Rinoa.
Raine
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Nickname(s): | none |
| Age: | ? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 9 |
A woman living in a Podunk town who appears to be Little Orphan Ellone's mother figure. She runs the local pub, much like Tifa in FFVII, but that's where the difference ends. Because this lady, veering sharply away from RPG tradition, actually wears a nice, sensible sweater and jeans. But don't think she breaks with all convention -- she's still a total oblivious beard. Not in this game!