(→Kairi) |
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| − | Duuuuuh, this is Mickey's woman. She's also the Queen of Mickey's little world. She's the same as she's always been, but I just noticed how unholy huge her head is. Goddamn, look at it. | + | Duuuuuh, this is Mickey's woman. She's also the Queen of Mickey's little world. She's the same as she's always been, but I just noticed how unholy huge her head is. Goddamn, ''look at it''. |
==== Daisy Duck ==== | ==== Daisy Duck ==== | ||
Revision as of 23:24, 7 February 2013
Characters in each section are listed in order of recap appearance.
Contents
- 1 Major characters
- 2 Other characters
- 2.1 Selphie
- 2.2 Wakka
- 2.3 Tidus
- 2.4 Pluto
- 2.5 Minnie Mouse
- 2.6 Daisy Duck
- 2.7 Jiminy Cricket
- 2.8 Chip and Dale
- 2.9 Leon
- 2.10 Yuffie
- 2.11 Aerith
- 2.12 Cid
- 2.13 Huey, Dewey, and Louie
- 2.14 Pongo and Perdita
- 2.15 The White Rabbit
- 2.16 Alice
- 2.17 The Queen of Hearts
- 2.18 The Cheshire Cat
- 2.19 Tarzan
- 2.20 Jane
- 2.21 Philoctetes
- 2.22 Hades
- 2.23 Cloud
- 2.24 Hercules
- 2.25 Maleficent
- 2.26 Pinocchio
- 2.27 Jafar
- 2.28 Jasmine
- 2.29 Aladdin
- 2.30 The Genie
- 2.31 Geppetto
- 2.32 Ariel
- 2.33 King Triton
- 2.34 Flounder
- 2.35 Sebastian
- 2.36 Ursula
- 2.37 Flotsam and Jetsam
- 2.38 Jack Skellington
- 2.39 The Mayor
- 2.40 Sally
- 2.41 Dr. Finkelstein
- 2.42 Zero
- 2.43 Lock, Shock, and Barrel
- 2.44 Oogie Boogie
- 2.45 Captain Hook
- 2.46 Mr. Smee
- 2.47 Peter Pan
- 2.48 Wendy
- 2.49 Tinker Bell
- 2.50 The Crocodile
- 2.51 Pooh
- 2.52 Piglet
- 2.53 Eeyore
- 2.54 Rabbit
- 2.55 Tigger
- 2.56 Owl
- 2.57 Roo
Major characters
Sora
|
Nickname(s): | Tidus Junior |
| Home world: | Destiny Islands | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
The Keyblade Master and hero of the story. Since this is a Square game, the latter should be apparent, as he has spiky hair, wears a bulky silver chain necklace that can be sold for hundreds of dollars to dumbass fanboys, and is a complete wanker. He apparently has feelings for Kairi, but I shouldn't even have to tell you that.
Kairi
|
Nickname(s): | Token |
| Home world: | Destiny Islands | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
The requisite perky, brunette love interest, but surprise!--she doesn't use white magic. Since she's not playable and all. Kairi uses her pre-pubescent cleavage and her exposed bellybutton to lure the likes of Sora and Riku into her clutches. She also has a Mysterious Past She Can't Remember™. Bet you didn't see that coming.
Riku
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Destiny Islands | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
The third in the Stereotypical Square Character package, Riku is a white-haired bishounen who ends up working for the baddies. Whoops, spoiler. More importantly, Riku is a million times cooler than Sora, and if there were any justice in the world, he would be the main character.
Donald Duck
|
Nickname(s): | @%$#!!! |
| Home world: | Disney Castle | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Is this really necessary? If you don't know who Donald Duck is, you've spent your life under a rock. For those people, he's a duck with a severe attitude problem as well as a tendency for high blood pressure. In KH he's a mage, which means we'll get to see him take severe beatings throughout the game. Yay!
Goofy
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Disney Castle | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Again, you all know who Goofy is. A kind, doofy, naïve guy who likes to say "Gawrsh." He takes Donald's verbal and physical abuse with good humor, which is more than anyone else in the universe could say. In this game, he's a defensive tank, but still a cowardly one--he covers his eyes as he charges into enemies with his shield.
Other characters
Selphie
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Destiny Islands | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
You guys know her from FFVIII as the fan-service sugar-sweet girl who likes trains. Now she's sugar-sweet without so much of the fan service, with a perky voice to match her erstwhile perky breasts. Needless to say, she's still annoying. And if she had seen trains before on the Destiny Islands, she would probably like them.
Wakka
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Destiny Islands | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Wakka remains largely unchanged in the transition from FFX to KH--he still has a thing for Tidus, he still loves his balls, and he still needs a new hairstyle. But his voice actor sounds really stoned. Yes, even by Wakka standards.
Tidus
|
Nickname(s): | Tightass |
| Home world: | Destiny Islands | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Because one wanker per game just wasn't enough. Tidus is back in Mini-Wank form, and no one has yet bothered to fix his pant legs. I'm grateful for two things concerning him: I get to kick his ass as many times as I please, and he is no longer voiced by JAT. Thank God for small favors.
Pluto
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Disney Castle | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
He's Mickey's dog. What else did you want?
Minnie Mouse
|
Nickname(s): | Queen Bighead |
| Home world: | Disney Castle | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Duuuuuh, this is Mickey's woman. She's also the Queen of Mickey's little world. She's the same as she's always been, but I just noticed how unholy huge her head is. Goddamn, look at it.
Daisy Duck
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Disney Castle | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Donald's lady. Not much to say about her, except that she must have more patience than a mother at a Pokémon convention. She's probably at least willing to give Donald the beat-downs he deserves, unlike Goofy.
Jiminy Cricket
|
Nickname(s): | Beelzebub |
| Home world: | ??? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
You all remember him as Pinocchio's conscience; I remember him as a smarmy little bastard with a gay top hat. He accompanies Donald and Goofy as a chronicler, which means I have to deal with him throughout the game AND I'll eventually have to meet Pinocchio. Kill me.
Chip and Dale
|
Nickname(s): | The Rescue Rangers |
| Home world: | Disney Castle | |
| First Appearance: | Part 1 |
Our, uh, favorite chipmunks are in charge of the gummi garage and its variety of nauseatingly stupid and pointless gummi ships. Which means these two are vehicles for the hatred I want to direct at the game designers for this tacked-on POS mini-game. Die.
Leon
|
Nickname(s): | Squally |
| Home world: | Traverse Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
A Squall is a Squall is a Squally. Folks, we all know that this is what happened when our favorite goth-boy stopped his moping and ate some red meat for a change. He's buff, he's sexy, and he's still got the jacket, not to mention the seratonin imbalance. Oh, and he has Angel's voice. Drop dead of lust now, ladies.
Yuffie
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Traverse Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
The "great ninja" from FFVII returns with more polygons than you can shake a stick at. She's not as annoying as Tifa, and she's not voiced by Mandy Moore, thank God. Fanboys the world over are clutching their official action figure with glee. That's an image no one should have to face after eating a heavy meal. Er…let's forget I said it. Moving on.
Aerith
|
Nickname(s): | Aeris |
| Home world: | Traverse Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
The geeks howled; Square listened. Everyone's favorite airhead is back for a return engagement and seeking her long-lost pointy haired mental case. I'm going into sugar shock, and my ears are offended by a Britney wanna-be with ten seconds of fame. Kill me, please.
Cid
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Traverse Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
He's rough, he's tough, and he's always got something in his mouth. (ew!) Good old Grampy Cid is there to help our chipmunk friends when it's time to trade up to a new Gummi-ship and make a load off your shiney lovin' ass in the bargain. Hey, no one ever said he was old and dumb, did they?
Huey, Dewey, and Louie
| File:Khcast-hueydeweylouie.jpg | Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Traverse Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
They're Donald Duck's nephews, what else do you need to know? But, unlike their Unca Donald, these boys know when to keep their mouths shut and hand over the goods (for a price). They must take after Daisy's side of the family.
Pongo and Perdita
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Traverse Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 2 |
These mopey dalmatians have lost all 99 of their natural and adopted puppies, and require the expertise of Sora to find them again. This makes them the universe's worst parents.
The White Rabbit
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Wonderland | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
The neurotic, nasally rabbit who leads both Alice and Sora down his tight little hole into a land of drug fantasies and frustrating puzzle dungeons. Fuck this guy.
Alice
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Wonderland | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
She's the proper English girl who poked her head into a hole because she was looking for a white rabbit. Is everyone in this game a drug addict?
The Queen of Hearts
| File:Khcast-queen.jpg | Nickname(s): | Queen Rosie |
| Home world: | Wonderland | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
She puts Alice on trial for the attempted theft of her heart. This may or may not be an excuse to hit on her.
The Cheshire Cat
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Wonderland | |
| First Appearance: | Part 3 |
He's a purple cat with a creepy smile who can teleport. All in a normal day in Wonderland.
Tarzan
|
Nickname(s): | Bob |
| Home world: | Deep Jungle | |
| First Appearance: | Part 4 |
What is there to say? It's Tarzan, as envisioned by Disney artists on crack. I mean, look at him! The only thing we can be thankful for is that he doesn't go around grabbing Bo Derek's boobs, like some of the movie Tarzans have done. And for a man supposedly raised by gorillas, he has an amazing grasp of the English tongue - and I've just realized how wrong that sounds. I'm stopping now.
Jane
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Deep Jungle | |
| First Appearance: | Part 4 |
She Jane. Actually, she Jane as pictured by animators in love with Jane Seymour. It's Dr. Quinn meets Jane Goodall in a skirt split up to her crotch. Yeah, that's tasteful upper-class British decorum for you.
Philoctetes
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Olympus Coliseum | |
| First Appearance: | Part 5 |
A satyr (half-man, half-goat) who trains up-and-coming heroes. Phil trained the "great" Hercules, which he apparently thinks makes his shit not stink. He's voiced by Danny DeVito, and nothing says "Greek mythological creature" like an Italian accent.
Hades
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Olympus Coliseum | |
| First Appearance: | Part 5 |
Duh, it's the god of the underworld. And James Woods. Rolled into one! Hades enlists the help of the Heartless and of Angst-Boy Cloud to eliminate his arch nemesis, Hercules. Yes, that means he's one of those villains who can't do anything on his own. And he's a GOD. How sad is that?
Cloud
|
Nickname(s): | Bitch |
| Home world: | ??? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 5 |
Hey, it's everyone's favorite psychotic transvestite! Cloud is hired by Hades to dispatch both Hercules and Sora, in exchange for help in finding his erstwhile-but-not-really pink-clad honey, Aeris. But this time he doesn't LIKE what he's doing, because he's all noble and stuff. Whatever.
Hercules
|
Nickname(s): | Samcules |
| Home world: | Olympus Coliseum | |
| First Appearance: | Part 5 |
In the gang-raped Disney version of Greek mythology, he's the completely legitimate son of Zeus and Hera, robbed of full divinity by Hades. Now he spends his time at Olympus Coliseum, acting like he's the Man and giving lame hero advice to other losers like himself. He's voiced by Sean Astin, aka Rudy, so at least we know why he's so damn annoying.
Maleficent
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | ??? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 6 |
Every good game needs an evil mastermind. But this ain’t her. Oh, Melly has all the moves, she struts, she cackles, she looks good in black and she even turns into a bad-ass dragon, but the poor old dear’s the Susan Lucci of gaming. Always the bad guy’s tool, never the bad guy. I said "tool". Heh.
Pinocchio
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | ??? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 7 |
A wooden boy severely lacking in conscience. This could be because his father is clearly a raging pedophile. He has to have a good example somewhere, doesn't he?
Jafar
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Agrabah | |
| First Appearance: | Part 7 |
Yet another Disney villain who chose to go along with this Rule the World with Heartless nonsense. His particular obsession is "street rats," and God only knows what he likes to do with them.
Jasmine
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Agrabah | |
| First Appearance: | Part 7 |
Jasmine is one of the seven Princesses of Heart, a group of Mary Sues destined to rule the universe with their soopah-doopah Sue powers. On the other hand, it means she gets kidnapped and has to wear revealing clothing. It's a double-edged sword.
Aladdin
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Agrabah | |
| First Appearance: | Part 7 |
Jafar's favorite little street rat. Aww. He's in love with Jasmine and wants to become a prince for her, but he doesn't realize he's already a prince in Jafar's eyes. It's all about that bare chest.
The Genie
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Agrabah | |
| First Appearance: | Part 7 |
A crappy version of the Genie from the movie, even though objectively the better voice actor got the job in the game. I'd take Dan Castellaneta 9 times out of 10 over Robin Williams, wouldn't you?
Geppetto
|
Nickname(s): | Geppedo |
| Home world: | ??? | |
| First Appearance: | Part 8 |
Geppetto is a toymaker who created Pinocchio, and because of his horny illegal fatherly desires, Pinocchio was brought to life. Geppetto was thrilled, since he never dreamed that his sex toy would be interactive. In Kingdom Hearts he gives Junior gummi ship blueprints. Gee, thanks.
Ariel
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Atlantica | |
| First Appearance: | Part 9 |
King Triton's youngest daughter and typical Disney heroine. She simpers, she preens, she whines about how her Daddy won't let her grow up! She does an admirable job of the traditional mermaid's purpose -- i.e. luring people (read: me) to their deaths, namely from alcohol poisoning.
King Triton
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Atlantica | |
| First Appearance: | Part 9 |
The Big Kahuna, Supreme Mugawump of Atlantica and all 'round Head Boss Guy. King Triton was blessed with three lovely daughters, two of which have some goddamned common sense. He's also got a long-running feud with Ursula the Sea Witch. Oh, you know what they say, Chief. Hell hath no fury like an octo-woman scorned.
Flounder
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Atlantica | |
| First Appearance: | Part 9 |
Ariel's bestest friend in the whole wide ocean! Flounder is a gentle, delicate sort of fishy who has the horrible misfortune of teaching Sora the ways of the Atlantica ocean. I think seeing Merman!Sora is punishment enough for any sentient creature, let alone a poor fish who never did anything to hurt anyone.
Sebastian
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Atlantica | |
| First Appearance: | Part 9 |
King Triton's lackey and reluctant duenna for Ariel and Flounder. He tries in vain to get Ariel to behave herself and be a good daughter. It's a wonder he's not begging for the cook pot by now, just to end his misery.
Ursula
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Atlantica | |
| First Appearance: | Part 9 |
The Sea Witch, looking like a terrible cross of Mama Cass, Don King, and sounding like Selma from Night Court. She's our token evil fat chick who wants to rule Atlantica with iron tentacles (no, not testicles - Jesus, people!). She's got her own matching set of eel henchmen and a rather unpleasant method of disposing her enemies. Look out, Kingy!
Flotsam and Jetsam
| File:Khcast-flotsamjetsam.jpg | Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Atlantica | |
| First Appearance: | Part 9 |
Ursula's eel henchmen. Jetsam snickers a lot.
Jack Skellington
| File:Khcast-jack.jpg | Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Halloween Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 10 |
The biggest celebrity in Halloween Town and Grand Master of the annual Halloween Parade, Jack's a long tall drink of water with dapper fashion sense and some kick-ass magic tricks up those bony, pin-striped sleeves.
The Mayor
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Halloween Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 10 |
The Mayor of Halloween Town. He's got his regular happy face and an angry sad face that he can change at will. Man, I wish I had that option.
Sally
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Halloween Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 10 |
A lady of many parts, Sally is the creation of Dr. Finkelstein, and Jack's love interest. This bio reflects the amount of interest Sally will hold for the gamer while we're in Halloween Town, i.e. very little.
Dr. Finkelstein
| File:Khcast-doctor.jpg | Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Halloween Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 10 |
Your standard issue mad scientist who looks like a white duck in an ill-fitting lab coat. He's also got a groovy metal wheelchair.
Zero
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Halloween Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 10 |
Jack's little ghost-doggie. Who's a good little hanky? Who's a good little hanky? You are!
Lock, Shock, and Barrel
| File:Khcast-lockshockbarrel.jpg | Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Halloween Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 10 |
Three annoying kids in Halloween costumes. Yeah, you guessed it. I don't like kids at all much. Leave me alone.
Oogie Boogie
| File:Khcast-oogie.jpg | Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Halloween Town | |
| First Appearance: | Part 10 |
Baby! Our Oogie Boogie's a down-home, big-boned ghost-shaped burlap bag full of bugs? The fuck? Who the hell came up with this guy, and what drugs were they on? Oh, it was Tim Burton. Congratulations Timmy-boy, you're an honorary game designer. Your mother would be so proud.
Captain Hook
| File:Khcast-captainhook.jpg | Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Neverland | |
| First Appearance: | Part 11 |
Yeah, the guy that, by coincidence, shares a voice actor with Tromell Guado. The guy with the Snidley Whiplash mustache, the pointy rapier, and, of course, the penchant for underage booty. When the Cap'n's not obsessing over his jailbait nemesis Peter Pan, he's enjoying a refreshing Diet Cherry 7up.
Mr. Smee
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Neverland | |
| First Appearance: | Part 11 |
Smee is Captain Hook's meek, roly-poly first mate aboard the Jolly Roger. Since he's a midget of a man, maybe Hookie keeps him around when no actual youngsters are available. He basically does nothing in Kingdom Hearts, but he's there, so here's a bio. You're welcome.
Peter Pan
| File:Khcast-peterpan.jpg | Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Neverland | |
| First Appearance: | Part 11 |
The prototype for heroic gay youngsters from Legolas to Link. Peter hangs out with fairies and little boys who hero-worship him, enjoys engaging in "battle" with pirates, and likes wearing a lot of tight, bright green clothing. Despite all this, he tries to convince the world and himself that he loves girls. Whoo, girls. Love 'em. Chicks.
Wendy
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Neverland | |
| First Appearance: | Part 11 |
Peter's Beard #1. Wendy Darling likes to think that Peter is in love with her, and comes to Neverland with him to mack and drink tea or whatever. Too bad she gets kidnapped by pirates and that her non-boyfriend is gayer than ten thousand Tingles.
Tinker Bell
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Homeworld: | Neverland | |
| First Appearance: | Part 11 |
Tink would be Peter's Beard #2. Tink gets double-fooled by Peter's mastery of denial--she knows Pete's not in love with her, but rather than thinking it's due to Peter's raging homosexuality, she thinks it's that he's in love with Wendy! Finally fed up with her lack of lovin' from anybody, she accompanies the Mouseketeers as a summon. Maybe Simba or that dragon from Mulan will want to do her.
The Crocodile
| File:Khcast-croc.jpg | Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Neverland | |
| First Appearance: | Part 11 |
Worth a mention because he swallowed Captain Hook's hand, and a ticking clock with it. Really a pretty harmless creature, since it seems like everyone in Neverland save Hook and his men can fly, but for about five seconds in the game we're supposed to be afraid of him. Tick tick tick.
Pooh
| File:Khcast-pooh.jpg | Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Hundred Acre Wood | |
| First Appearance: | Part 12 |
Winnie the Pooh, the beloved friend of young and old alike. Though when taken in a certain light, Pooh-bear is rude, selfish, and completely unrestrained. He's like your two-year-old niece without the ratty tutu or sticky cereal encrusted tiara. And, when you get tired of him, you can shut him up in the toy box without someone calling CPS on you.
Piglet
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Hundred Acre Wood | |
| First Appearance: | Part 12 |
Piglet is Pooh's best friend, though I think Pooh would be anyone's best friend if they carried enough honey with them. Piglet's main role is to be small, shy, and a complete dupe when it comes to Pooh's less-than-brilliant plans.
Eeyore
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Hundred Acre Wood | |
| First Appearance: | Part 12 |
Eeyore is the most realistic of anyone in the Hundred Acre Wood. It's as if someone took a bitter, cynical, and depressed old man and shut him up in a donkey suit, which led him to kill himself and haunt the world forever in the aforementioned donkey suit, which when you think of it, is kinda creepy. He's a favorite character of AG's. Shocker.
Rabbit
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Hundred Acre Wood | |
| First Appearance: | Part 12 |
Every group needs a Rabbit. He's the fussy, fuddy-duddy stiff who sets a huge store by manners, decorum, and their vegetable garden. You get the feeling that Rabbit would be more than happy to feed Pooh, Tigger and the others to Cthulhu if only it would keep those heathens out of his carrot patch, but he's too passive-aggressive to say so and prefers to just stand around and sigh meaningfully. Oh, grow a set, Rabbit.
Tigger
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Hundred Acre Wood | |
| First Appearance: | Part 12 |
Ah, Tigger. No one's happier to see Tigger than Tigger himself, and it shows. Tigger is our Prima Donna, our conceited asshole who tries to continually slide by on charm. Unfortunately for Tigger, he's not charming.
Owl
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Hundred Acre Wood | |
| First Appearance: | Part 12 |
Owl, the blowhard know-it-all who in many ways is really quite dense. Owl is like your droning Uncle Albert after a three-day 'lude bender.
Roo
|
Nickname(s): | none |
| Home world: | Hundred Acre Wood | |
| First Appearance: | Part 12 |
Roo, a baby kangaroo. He hangs out with Tigger a lot and "bounces." I think someone should inform Mama Roo.