Yuiri hands the floor over to Yun, who says, “Chris, I am a child of the Alma Kinan with an unusual gift that sometimes allows me to see…into the future.” I imagine the ellipsis is a pause for effect, but this is the least surprising “reveal” ever. I’m genuinely curious, is there anyone out there who had not guessed this in advance of this scene? Anyway, Fred, who actually is in the room but isn’t important enough to get a chair, asks if she’s a “fortune-teller.” Yun replies, “You can think of it that way, if it helps you.” The “YOU DAFT IGNORAMUS” at the end is implied. “There is one vision that has haunted me since my birth,” she goes on. “This is the destruction of the true rune…and the resurrection of the Flame Champion.” Just in case we needed any further hints that he’s totally dead. Nash finds this “destruction of the true rune” bit interesting, which leads Yun to unnecessarily explain what the True Runes are, and add, “There are people who seek to destroy one of the runes. The man in black whom we just encountered is probably one of them…” It’s funny that we’re learning more about the Mask’s ambitions from one big contrived infodump than we have in the entire game from the Mask himself. That’s good storytelling, right? Of course it is.

THERE WAS?!?!

Chris, though, wants to know what would happen if a True Rune were destroyed, and why the Mask wants to do so. In response, Yuiri infodumps some more about the Flame Champion. “We, the people of Alma Kinan, joined the battle under his leadership against the Harmonian army. During the second major battle, the Flame Champion, Isaac, and his followers, the Fire Bringer, were surrounded by the Harmonian forces…” Predictably, Yuiri trailing off is the cue for another sepia-toned Isaac flashback. This one opens on a rainbow coalition of Grasslanders, all of them wondering where Isaac is. It’s a little too “Where’s Poochie?” But unlike Poochie, we’re gonna get to the fireworks factory. While they’re all wondering where Isaac is, one Alma Kinan woman goes, “What’s that?” and the screen goes white in time with a whoosh sound effect, that is likely from a gargantuan True Fire Rune mushroom cloud. Yuiri confirms, looking sick about it, “The Fire Bringer, the Harmonian forces and the Grassland troops…were all engulfed in a firestorm and perished. They say the fire burned for ten days. The only survivor was the Flame Champion himself. He did not speak of it, but the force behind it was the power of the true rune… It must have been a rune power out of control. Isaac repented for his horrible deed which took many lives of both ally and foe.” Yeah, but none of that is related to destroying the True Fire Rune, though I imagine that just means destroying it would be even worse. Yuiri’s rank speculation is, “Everyone could perish. From the Grasslands to Zexen, Holy Harmonia to [Yaoi], to the south and northern Outlands…” This turned into “This Land Is Your Land” so quickly.

Chris thinks all of this is “nonsense,” because, she says through gritted teeth that must be worn-down nubs by now, “Just think about it. What is the purpose of doing this? There’s nothing to gain. It sounds like a fantasy to me.” Clearly Chris has never caught The Dark Knight. Some people just want to watch the world burn! Literally! Yun takes from this that Chris doesn’t believe her. “Zexen Knights don’t fight for fantasy,” Chris says. “We’re bound by loyalty and reason.” And juicy, spicy wieners! Can’t forget those. Chris asks to be left alone to think for a while, so I guess that means all six other people in someone else’s house have to get out, instead of Chris going back to her room at the inn. Have it your way, princess.

Of course a moment later Chris is outside again, so I’m just an asshole. Nash follows her out and asks, “Hey, have you cooled down? I don’t think they’ve finished with their chat.” Chris totally does need to cool down, and yet I’m still annoyed Nash is talking to her like he’s calming her menstrual rage with the soothing power of cool male logic. He also asks if she has “had enough of the barbarian superstitions,” so everybody in this scene is being super cool and not awful. “You know something?” Chris asks. “I don’t like you.” Ha! Okay, Chris, you win this round. She tells Nash she needs more time to herself. In his case, the rest of her life should about do it.

The most isolated spot in Alma Kinan is their “sacred ground,” so Chris heads there to get some precious alone time. But after a black screen, one that I imagine only covered about 30 seconds, Nash is strolling down the path toward her. DUDE, GIVE HER SOME FUCKING SPACE. She didn’t agree to this journey of self-discovery just so some tryhard fake paramour could be up her ass the entire time. If she wanted that she would have stayed home. Chris figures he’s here looking for her, but he also is in search of “a quiet spot” for himself. Well, that makes no sense, until he explains, “To talk with you alone. I must be lucky; I found both.” Groan. But I guess Chris has had enough alone time to not chase him off sight unseen, and asks what he wants. “To seduce you…” he replies. GROAN. “Just kidding. My missus would find me out in a heartbeat. I can’t risk it today.” I like how he just takes it as a given that Chris would be up for some homewrecking. He’s so irresistible!

CHICKS!!!

The banter regarding Nash’s totally earnest desire for Chris’s vag thankfully cuts off as Nash tells her he’s not comfortable with this whole situation in Alma Kinan. Chris rolls her eyes at this since coming here was his suggestion and he hasn’t seemed all that surprised by anything they’ve learned. “To some extent, yes,” he tells her. “I was sent by Bishop Sasarai of the Holy Harmonia to sneak into the Grasslands.” DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN. I mean, this is not a surprise. We already knew Nash was Harmonian. And a smarmy liar. And he clearly had ulterior motives in following Chris around, which just as clearly have nothing to do with him wanting to bed her. But Chris doesn’t know all of that. She backs away from Nash, eyes narrowed. She calls him a spy, which he doesn’t shy from. “The alleged reason for our current invasion is to eliminate the rest of the Fire Bringer band,” he explains. “But they think there’s someone else pulling the strings, so to speak. It’s my job to look into this. A secret mission directly from the bishop. I couldn’t refuse.” Oh, I bet he couldn’t. I wonder what Nash’s missus would say to that.

So this shouldn’t even need to be said, but Nash suspects that the destructive force of Yun’s visions, i.e., the Mask and Friends, are the ones pulling said strings. “I didn’t want to believe that,” he says. “But it does seem to fit, doesn’t it? On the brink of the cease fire, Zexen and the Grasslands rebounded with a full-scale battle. At the same time, the Holy Harmonian army invaded.” I’m not at all sure “rebounded” is the word he wants, but I get where he’s going with this. Chris–who, remember, just found out the Grasslanders think she murdered the Lizard Clan Chief–is still skeptical. “It all seems unreal to me… It has to be just a complication in the conflict between us and the Grasslands.” I’m sure it’s not an easy thing to admit that your own actions have been influenced by some sinister cabal without you being aware of it, but girl, come the fuck on. But she goes on, “I only came to the Grasslands to find out about my father, with no other intention whatsoever.” Maybe her dad is the one the Alma Kinan Femputer sentenced to a lifetime of snoo snoo.

Of course, this is the cue for Yun to butt in again. She’s probably been eavesdropping this entire time. “I will tell you about your father,” she tells Chris. “Will you listen to me?” Chris hasn’t believed a goddamn word out of Yun’s mouth on any other subject, but now she’s all “Of course I will!” Yun gives Chris another total non-reveal: that her dad is still alive. “There lived a hero, Isaac, the Flame Champion, in the Grasslands,” Yun says. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WE KNOW. “He and his band of comrades were called ‘the Fire Bringer’.” It’s not like I need this info because I can play the chapters in any order and might have missed it. We literally just heard all this. This triggers another Isaac flashback, and our third visit to the Bonfire of Sad Farewells. Isaac says goodbye to his two companions once again. One of them replies, “I’m sure our paths will cross again,” and the other says, “We’ve always trusted your decisions. We still do.” All three of them are clearly visible now, albeit from the back, and the third man in this sexy trio is so obviously Jimba in different clothing that I am insulted we’re not just showing his face at this point. Out of the flashback, Yun duhs for Chris’s benefit, “The Flame Champion had two close comrades [NICE], and your father was one of them.” We never hear about Chris’s mother, so now I wonder if Chris had a My Three Dads kind of childhood. I bet Geddy let her sip from his beer.

“Hold it right there!” Nash says, eyes wide. So he’s squinting slightly less. “The Flame Champion lived more than fifty years ago. If Chris’ father was his close friend, he must be over…no, that can’t be true.” Nash is from Harmonia, has to be aware of how True Runes work, and has been in a room with Sasarai, who will never not look like the sixth member of One Direction. This is not hard. Yun clues in Chris, who looks lost: “Just as the Flame Champion was bearer of the True Fire Rune, your father was bearer of the True Water Rune.” You mean the True Water Rune that’s sealed here? And Chris was brought here with promises of revelations about her father? And the two things are related? WOW.

Yun is still talking. Like she does. “You see, the 27 True Runes that exist in this world are thought to be part of a central force which moves the world. The bearers of the runes are said to be granted great power and immortality. The seal that hides the power of the rune and its whereabouts is in Alma Kinan.” Chris still doesn’t know how one could hide the True Water Rune, but muses, “That’s why the man told me to follow the Flame Champion.” Yes. “The man.” She is going to feel like such a fucking idiot when she figures this out.

I’m almost embarrassed of the number of inappropriate comments this inspired in me.

But now Chris has all the information Yun has about her father, and it doesn’t seem like she’s any closer to finding him than she was before. She just knows more about him and her two “uncles.” Yun takes off, after Chris starts to stammer god knows what at her before stopping herself. Who even cares. Chris watches Yun walk off for a moment before closing her eyes and clenching her fists in icy repose.

Back at the great aunt’s house (I should just call it Yuiri’s house, because we are never going to meet this great aunt), Fred and Rico are waiting outside. “They said they’d get our accommodations ready now,” Fred tells Chris. “Everyone wanted to keep talking, but Yun dismissed us for today. They seemed preoccupied with something else.” I assume the “something else” was “getting away from Fred and his dumb questions for five minutes.” I do enjoy that they all kept discussing this after Chris flounced, instead of sitting around awkwardly until she came back. When Chris is ready for the nap she sorely needs, she tells Rico it’s time to rest.

That night, Chris wakes up in the inn and decides to go for a walk instead of pacing around next to her bed. But in the village square, she finds what looks to be the entire population of Alma Kinan, most of them holding torches, with Yuiri and Yumi at their head. Yuiri non-answers Chris’s query of what they’re doing with, “Getting ready for the ritual.” Well, that’s that, then. “Ritual of soul-sending,” Yuiri adds tersely, like even giving out this tiny morsel of non-information is physically painful to her. Chris is still Shioning this conversation, and I don’t actually blame her, so Yuiri explains that too: “We offer a soul to the spirits in order to receive their blessings on the Grasslands.” In case there is a single person out there who didn’t immediately realize that the soul being sent (!!!!) is Yun’s, we are treated to some flashbacks of the cryptic shit Yun’s said foreshadowing this. And suddenly I feel really bad for Yun that her final hours have been dedicated to talking to Chris and Chris not believing anything she says. I hope she at least got a good last meal out of this.

Okay, now I also feel bad for characterizing Yuiri as withholding, because now she’s vomiting up the whole deal for Chris: “She is a special child. She lives for today. There’s a destructive force which aims to destroy the true runes, and people who intend to obtain Grasslands by taking advantage of the present turmoil. [Cough. NASH.] We need the blessings of the spirits to block them. Tonight, Yun will offer her soul to the spirits.” This will also save them 15 percent on their car insurance.

So, they were just planning to do this while the outsiders slept, and then tell them the next morning Yun had died, weren’t they? That’s…kind of awesome. Too bad nobody in this series is capable of sleeping all the way through the night. There are full moons to stare at!

‘Those men are well cared for, and we make sure to keep them hydrated!’

Chris, obviously, is furious about them sacrificing Yun “just like that,” and I’m just happy we didn’t have to wait around for Chris to figure out that “offering her soul” means dying. But Yuiri asks her, “Do you not make sacrifices for Zexen?” Boy howdy. Peace of mind, privacy, being allowed to literally let her hair down once in a while? Take your pick. “No!” Chris snaps back, her Righteous Icy Fury Face on. “I mean, yes! I mean… Losing one’s life in battle is a lot different than killing for some spiritual mumbo-jumbo.” Says the lady whose nation worships a goddess named Sadie. In other words, Chris is not winning this argument. Yuiri is basically like, “Hey, fuck you.” But Chris doesn’t give a damn that she’s shitting all over their religion. “I… Is this why you brought us here,” she asks, “to witness this atrocity?” Yeah, that must be it, given how they were trying to do it while you were sleeping.