Xenosaga II

Part 1

"A song of ice and fire (and homoeroticism)."

I spend how many months grinding my teeth over the prospect of recapping this game, knowing I’ll have to spend my free time with Shion Uzuki again, and what happens? The prologue doesn’t even have her in it. Very occasionally, I can have nice things. Join me for one sexy stormy night in a VERY BUSY YEAR, and help me figure out what the hell happened to the Wang.

Posted on 02.17.15 by Sam

Part 2

"Who the hell are you people?"

Fourteen years after part 1, and maybe 14 seconds after the end of the last game, we catch up with our heroes, and also Shion. And let’s just say everybody got a lot taller during summer vacation. But the more things change, the more they stay the same–meaning we also get endless cutscenes and massive exposition dumps. Welcome back, gang!

Posted on 02.17.15 by Sam

Part 3

"From hell’s heart I whine at thee."

The new-and-“improved” Shion Uzuki (now with extra salt) spends her sequel debut angsting over KOS-MOS, angsting over Kevin, and angsting over her brother Jin. But thankfully the universe will soon see fit to provide Shion distractions from her “troubles,” in the form of solving other people’s problems and playing mini-games. YAY.

Posted on 11.18.15 by Sam

Part 4

"And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon…"

It’s the holidays, the most magical time of the year! And even in the futuristic (and probably insufferably secular) world of 60xx, happy families are coming together. Siblings are bonding over hot bowls of curry. Brothers are reminiscing about boyhood shenanigans. Mothers and daughters are drawing comfort from one another during a harrowing doctor’s office visit. Perfect, happy families. Everyone is happy.

Posted on 11.18.15 by Sam

Part 5

"Gaignun Kukai, Jr. and the Cursed Child, Part 1"

To save MOMO from whatever Machiavellian scheme Albedo has planned–supposedly–the gang must commence an Encephalon dive into her mind. Which turns out to be the mind of Sakura Mizrahi. Which turns out to really be Jailbait’s memories of Sakura. Which turns into a maudlin romance between a terminally ill girl and a little boy with terminal daddy issues, with Albedo angrily jackin’ it in the corner. It’s like The Notebook and Inception had the world’s most unwatchable baby.

Posted on 12.22.16 by Sam

Part 6

"Gaignun Kukai, Jr. and the Cursed Child, Part 2"

The team continues their Encephalon mission into the mind of–let’s call a spade a spade–three tween brains nested inside each other like Matroyshka dolls. The focus in the back half is less on Rubedo and Sakura’s doomed and nonexistent romance, and more on the transformation of one U.R.T.V. Number 667 from garden-variety child sociopath into full-fledged murderous opera villain. Yes, that means there’s a lot of Albedo in this recap. I’m here for you afterward, if you need me.

Posted on 12.01.17 by Sam

Part 7

"Thanks, I hate it."

Remember part 1, which had a relatively focused story, a generous helping of hot men crossing swords, and no Shion of any kind? You guys, I’m so sorry. We cannot go back there. Instead, we get its spiritual opposite: All Shion, All the Time, Featuring Corey, on a mission that makes little sense, and is mostly an excuse for half-assed dungeon puzzles and pretext for keeping Shion at the center of the action. Exactly where she belongs, as we all agree!

Posted on 12.28.18 by Sam

Part 8

"Fuckin’ elevators, how do they work?!"

Okay, so the gang is on their way to Old Miltia and get stopped by a space station that blocks their path. Whatever, who cares: I think I figured out why the Suikoden series has so many people who “invented” the elevator. They were abducted across space-time, specifically from this universe, which now has no one in it who understands how elevators work. It all makes sense now.

Posted on 03.03.20 by Sam