Now that he’s properly wallowed in Chris Lightfellow-related angst, Hugo is finally free to explore Chisha Village. The town seems unnaturally small–it’s literally five single-room buildings, two of which Hugo can’t even enter–but Hugo soon discovers that a significant portion of the town is hidden underground, in what appears to be a basement shopping mall food court. I don’t know what sort of calamity this region is prone to that would make them build their town this way (though I could hazard a guess that it’s–spoiler–True Fire Rune nukes) but it’s sure makes getting around a pain in the ass. I am embarrassed to report that I get lost in Chisha’s Nazi bunker more than once.
This man. This man gets it.
At the center of the Nazi bunker, Hugo finds himself in a cavernous tavern space with a low ceiling and wine barrels lining one wall. The Chishans inside are all very nice, and the non-Chishans are all very drunk on Chishan wine. The only person who doesn’t seem to be drinking is a young redhead lady alone at a table, resting her head on her arms. Without any explanation, the girl, named Emily, tells Hugo she is bored and wants to know if he will “challenge” her. Ew, no. But Hugo agrees, not even knowing what she means, and thank god, it turns out to be an arm wrestling match. My imagination was getting the better of me. A black screen and a thump of flesh on wood follow, and Hugo announces that he is the winner. But Emily is not a poor sport. “Wow! That’s incredible!!!” she shouts in Hugo’s face. “I thought only my mother was stronger than me!” Okay, despite her tiny stature, she is clearly the child of one Ronnie Bell. But where it gets crazy is that an investigation later on by Kidd reveals that she is the child of Ronnie and Mose the blacksmith. I would be speechless, but I have so many questions. Is this a sperm donor situation? Did she use a fire spear like a turkey baster? Or–Christ–did Ronnie actually get with Mose? How drunk were they both? Are they married? Did she have to marry all five blacksmiths in a mass ceremony? Or did she have to marry them in turn, PUGGY!!!-style, and now she’s married to Mase? Does Emily have five dads?
I’m not sure I can process this. For now, Hugo has seen how STRONG Emily is, and wants her STRENGTH in some capacity at Buttfuck Castle. What is she even going to do there? Arm wrestle people for money? Marry Peggi, because she has daddy issues? Beat up people on Frodo’s command, starting with Juan a few times? Anyway, Emily agrees to go there, though she says she has to ask her mom first. I hope she’s not going all the way back to Toran just to ask Ronnie to sign her permission slip. Flik and Bear said that journey is impossible, except for all the people who have done it! Aaaaand Emily just says she’ll run away if Ronnie says no. Then why even ask her? Jesus. She runs off, and only after she’s gone does Hugo say in his best impersonation of his mother, “You shouldn’t run away from home.” Shut up, Hugo.
Well, like the name implies, there is only one way inside.
Elsewhere in the labyrinthine stone dungeon beneath Chisha, Hugo winds up in the village larder, and finds a half-naked man face-down on the floor. Well, he is mostly naked, since he is only wearing a loincloth, but he has a massive tattoo of a phoenix covering his entire back, so it makes him look like he’s wearing more than he actually is. Point is, somebody looks like he was having a good time in here. The man, a muttonchopped pile of exposed muscles named Wan Fu (which I will forever read as Wong Foo), groans that he cannot move, and Hugo asks if he’s all right. No, dingus, he just said he can’t move. Does that sound all right? Wan Fu goes on, with his face still planted in the stone, “They’ve been after me so long…. I can’t run any more.” Just when I am wondering if he literally ran all the way from some distant location to this very larder, the Calerian mafia in hot pursuit, and then fell down, the owner of the tavern enters the room. “There he is!” the man says. “He ate all we had and ran away! How dare you try to pull an eat-and-run on me!” Okay, first of all, I don’t know why he’s expositing to Hugo about Wan Fu’s crime. Second, Wan Fu didn’t exactly run far–he’s still technically in the fucking tavern. Third, assuming he’s keeping his money in the only obvious place on his person, I’m not sure why the tavern keeper would even want it.
The tavern keeper gloats over Wan Fu’s bloated, cramped body, and demands 3000 potch of his captive. Again, that is potch I’d rather not handle. And anyway, he doesn’t actually have any money. To Hugo, Wan Fu says, “I’m sorry…. But as you can see, I can’t work to pay it off. You think you can cover me?” I enjoy how he says outright that he has no intention of paying it back. But Hugo is loaded at the moment and peels off a few bills to make the tavern keeper shut up. In my imagination he tucks them into the man’s front pocket, tells him to keep the change, and pats him on the ass.
“Thank you,” Wan Fu says after a black screen, and he is now smiling and standing up with no trouble. Couldn’t move, huh, dickhead? “I’m Wan Fu. I’m indebted to you for your kindness. Feel free to use the undefeated Fu style of martial arts.” Well, thank god I have his permission! I can only imagine what would have happened if Hugo had done so without the express written consent of a naked man he found passed out in a larder, covered in bacon grease and melted ice cream. In response to this, and to Wan Fu joining up (presumably to help Emily cross names off Frodo’s enemies list), Hugo simply says, “You have a lot of tattoos on your back.” No, Hugo, he has one large tattoo. And Wan Fu, surprised, takes a look over his shoulder and sputters, “When did you…?” Yup! You nailed it, buddy–Hugo opened that tattoo parlor like I suggested in that earlier poll, dragged you there while you were unconscious, and covered your entire back with Fawkes. For fun! That’ll be 3000 potch.
Hugo needs glasses.
Once Wan Fu has toddled off to eat Frodo out of house and home, Hugo comes back outside, hoping to talk with Sana. But before he can, he notices one last person obviously in need of his help. Why, it’s our extravagantly attired pharaoh friend, Hortez VII! And sure enough, he has traveled the exact opposite direction than was indicated by Frodo’s admittedly awful guidance. “So this is Buttfuck,” Hortez says, staring at a wall. “It’s almost too quiet around here. Free traders should be swarming everywhere!” Aww, it’s so cute that he thinks that. Hugo steps up to correct him on the location and offer a new set of directions for Hortez to fuck up: “Go down the mountain, past two plains. Buttfuck is right before the third plain.” Jesus, he’s even worse at this than Frodo, and at least Frodo had the excuse of not being a local. Hortez thanks him, and walks off to the east, once again somehow not understanding what Hugo outlined with pinpoint accuracy. I wish someone would just hand this guy a Garmin.
Finally, Hugo talks to Sana. He wants to know why she, as village chief, would let Chris fight on Chisha’s behalf. He shakes his head, as if wondering how this lady old enough to be his grandma could be such a naïve child. Shut up, Hugo. Sana tries the same reasoning Sarge did–“She wanted to defend us. Is that not reason enough?”–but Hugo is still not having it. I wonder if it would help if someone told him that he and Luce are literally the only people in the universe who cared about Lulu at all, and that’s why nobody is exactly running after Lady Chris with torches and pitchforks for killing him.
That makes one of us.
Hugo has taken care of his shopping, his recruiting, and his heart-to-heart talks with older and wiser people who want to shake him until sense comes out, so now the plot can move forward. He returns to the village entrance, where Caesar and Apple are meeting with Yuber (aka the Man in Black) and sexy Albert (the Man with Eyebrows). More accurately, Albert and Caesar are talking while everyone else stands around being awkward. Albert basically says he could sense that Caesar was here, to which I make a hearty dismissive wanking motion, and greets “Miss Apple” as well. I don’t even remember if or when the game gets to revealing this, but Albert and Caesar are brothers, and are Leon Silverberg’s grandkids. And Apple was/is their dowdy schoolmarm. I’m jumping the gun now just so nobody thinks their hostile banter and semi-matching hair colors mean that they’re fucking.
Albert says he is here for reconnaissance purposes, and adds, weirdly, “By the way, I’m with someone else today who doesn’t like to listen to me.” I guess this is supposed to be shade at Caesar? Is he trying to make him jealous? No. NO. I am not going down that rabbit hole. Anyway, he gestures at Yuber, who also likes saying weird shit out of nowhere. “There was a woman in the battle with exquisite prowess,” he says. “I want to test her. Where is she!” His gaze passes over Caesar, Apple, the other people who don’t matter, and then Hugo. Finally, he says, “I don’t see her. Maybe the cowardice in Grassland was contagious.” Oh, you know Hugo is not going to stand for that shit, after having to hold in his teenage murder impulses earlier. He has to prove that he’s a MAN!
To Sarge’s chagrin, Hugo announces, “If you’re looking for a fight, I’ll take you on.” God dammit, Hugo. Remember that this is the same guy who earlier beat up Hugo plus four other people, plus a griffin. Yuber thinks so little of Hugo that he turns down the opportunity to spank him in front of all his friends, because he’s too busy whining about Chris not being here. Hugo asks him, “Even if I am the son of Lucia the Karaya Clan Chief?” Jesus, man. Name-dropping your mom so another man will think you’re important enough to fight? Freud would have a field day. Yuber indulges us in some Suikoden II fan-pandering, admitting that he has “heard” the name (right) but still doesn’t give a shit. “Although,” he says, “I’m always open to new experiences…” I like that he treats the prospect of fighting the teenage son of an old acquaintance like it’s having a gay straight experience in college. Once more, Sarge tries to talk Hugo out of this, warning him that he is about to get his ass kicked, but Hugo’s basically turned into Half-Blood Prince-era Harry Potter and just wants to fight and fuck and satiate his inner carnal beast until he passes out. To the duel!
As far as I know, it’s not possible to win this duel–it mostly serves as a reminder that Yuber is a BAMF and Hugo is a reckless idiot who has a lot of maturing to do by the end of this chapter. (And he will. Prepare to suspend your disbelief!) Yuber asks Hugo not to waste his time, and I oblige him by having Hugo immediately choose the wrong stance and get KO’d from a single deathblow. But we of course know Hugo is not dead, since I just told you he would be maturing by the end of the chapter. And I did not mean “maturing” as in “decomposing in an early grave, next to Lulu.”
Hugo wakes up in a bed in the inn, with Sarge watching over him like a creep. “Good, you’re awake,” he says. He notes that Yuber wasn’t exactly interested in going easy on him, and adds, “Be grateful Chief Lucia’s offspring are born strong.” Does Lucia have a bunch of other kids we haven’t met? I am intrigued by the possibility that she has like 17 bastard children by 17 different fathers, the Robert Baratheon of the Grasslands. Anyway, Sarge lectures Hugo once more for being such an astounding dumbfuck, but the brooding music lets us know that it might be sinking in this time, because this is a low point for our hero. “I can’t forget how Lulu died,” he tells Sarge. “I couldn’t even defend him! It’s driving me crazy!” Christ. ONE MORE FUCKING TIME, for good measure: Lulu wasn’t your responsibility, and jumped an armed knight of his own accord! Stop with the goddamn chivalry, kid.
Hugo looks like he’s ready to break down crying, and I wish he would because it would do him some good to drop the macho façade for once. Sarge is at a loss, and looks like he’s considering wrapping Hugo in his wings and pressing his moist beak tenderly to his forehead, but Sana chooses this moment to come in and ruin my fun. “Sergeant Jordi, may I?” she asks, and Sarge leaves the two of them alone, confident that Hugo is not about to cheat on him with Mrs. Claus. I swear I did not come into this recap intending to become a cheerleader for the Hugo/Sarge OTP. These things sneak up on me.
ANYWAY. Sana breaks it to Hugo that she is “eternally grateful” to Chris for defending the village. That’s bad. “As I am to you,” she adds. That’s good! Hugo goes, “…Me?” as if he can’t even fathom anyone being grateful to him and some ironhead slag for the same exact thing. Then Sana gets to the point of her visit: to plant the seed of heroism, and of meeting Isaac, in Hugo’s conveniently emptied head. “Long ago, I knew a boy like you: rash, wild, always stubborn,” she tells him. “Despite his faults, he became known as the Flame Champion. You know this story?” Who?! Nobody has mentioned this guy before!