After a black screen clears up the details, and Sudit comes to understand why his dad and Buttfuck are now inextricably linked (hint: it’s the corset jacket), he mopes that this must be such a “great opportunity” for his amazing father. Geddy senses Sudit’s pathetic need for a father-son reunion, but this does not excuse him creepily asking, “Wanna come to [Buttfuck]?” Come on, dude. I know you don’t have a windowless van parked outside the alley, but that still doesn’t look good. Sudit considers his options, and after a moment starts apologizing to Ralphie for making like Alanis and fracturing their stupid little club further. But wait! Sudit has the perfect solution! “Maybe if we tell your mother that my father’s there, she’ll want to come with us to [Buttfuck].” Does Ralphie’s mom have some (obviously doomed) crush on Billy? He probably hid in her attic from the long arm of the Zexen Knights once, and she’s now convinced they’re destined to be together.
Lamely, Ralphie introduces himself to Geddy as “[Sudit]’s friend,” and asks permission to get in on this Buttfuck party as well, as long as his mom also comes along. Just what Buttfuck Castle needs: lonely single moms. Geddy’s like, “Why the fuck would I care?” and the two boys’ faces light up like it’s Christmas morning and they were both given brand-new pairs of purple paisley knee socks. Sudit insists they will get Ralphie’s mom to go along with this abrupt relocation, and two seconds later, after they’ve run out of the alley, they’ve officially joined the 108 Stars. That was awfully fast–Geddy’s starting to think they didn’t even ask Ralphie’s mom! Next time he needs to draft some permission slips.
Well, that was a wildly successful round of recruiting! A clown girl and her barrel, two-thirds of the Saint Loa Wankers, and Sudit’s deadbeat dad. Surely they will be essential to…doing whatever it is that this united army will eventually be doing. Now, though, it’s time for the Geddy Gang to make another trip through the mountain pass, fight another iteration of the Cock Golem, and press onward to Le Buque.
Le Buque turns out to be a tiny village built into a towering cliff face and strung together with metal cabling and rickety catwalks. Each building in town appears to have a large boulder perched on its roof. “So, this is Le Buque,” Ace says. “It’s the village of the Mantor trainers, right?” We established this in Caleria–in fact, Ace established this in Caleria–but who’s counting, other than me? “That’s right,” Joker says, indulging his boyfriend. “The ability to train those insects allowed this tribe to survive.” To tie this back to The Cold Truth of War™, when Aila asks Queen for more info, she pointedly refers to the people here as the “Carna tribe” and explains that they have long had the ability to control the mantors. “So, even after they were conquered by Harmonia,” Queen exposits, “they were allowed to live.” Aila doesn’t get what that means, either, because apparently history lessons for children were not a high priority in Karaya Village.
EEEEEEEEEK (again)
But before anyone can elaborate for her, it’s time to meet some of these mantors and their trainers. Joker did call them insects so I can’t pretend to be entirely surprised, but you never know! The people of Le Buque might have been beekeepers! But nooooooooo. Mantors, it turns out, are gigantic, horse-sized locusts that carry their human masters through the air with an unsettling buzzing noise. Three such pairs of mantors and trainers show up now in a cloud of dust and boss battle music, ready to expel these intruders.
The mantor trainers are led by a skinny, dark-haired douchebag named Franz, who is mounted atop a mantor incongruously named Ruby. Well, it’s incongruous until you realize that men in this game picture women as ravenous giant insects with horrifying pincers. Anyway, though Ruby and her brood scare the bejesus out of me, after dealing with the Cock Golem and raiding its treasure hoard twice, the mantors and trainers are really no match for the might of the 12th Unit.
Once the battle is over, Ace and Queen demand to know why they just got ambushed. Franz–who, it should be noted, has a constant expression like he smells a rancid fart–evenly replies, “We have orders from the regular army not to let any unidentified people in.” Joker assumes he means the Harmonian army and asks, “What are you, a guard dog?” Franz takes huge offense to this because, as we’ll learn shortly, that is pretty much precisely what he is, and he knows it.
Before this argument can really boil over–Franz might stomp off in a huff!–our old pal the Mask shows up to ask what is going on. Here, though, he is labeled as “Bishop,” which makes him the equal of Sasarai. Hmm, who else do we know who resembles Sasarai, but wears green instead of blue? No one, I’m sure. “Greetings, Bishop,” Franz says in a voice likely dripping with sycophantic deference. “I spotted these suspicious-looking characters and was about to run them off.” Franz is basically Samwise, but with even less self-awareness.
Since Geddy apparently knows every Harmonian bishop in existence, he wonders aloud who this dude is. The Mask wonders likewise. Nobody knows who anybody is! Pandemonium! But unlike the Mask, Geddy properly introduces himself as a member of the Frontier Defense Force, and cites their mission to find the True Fire Rune. This is apparently good enough for the Mask, who asks guard dog Franz to take their guests to the village and show them a good time, wink. Geddy is, at this point, given the option of asking the Mask his name or asking him what he’s doing there. I know perfectly well he’s not going to comply with the former, so I foolishly have Geddy ask the latter. “This is a secret mission,” the Mask replies. “You do not need to know.” Now I feel silly.
The mantors and their trainers lift into the air to follow the Mask back into town, but before leaving, Franz tells them peevishly, “You have permission to enter the village, but don’t try anything funny.” Geddy and funny have never even been introduced to each other, so that shouldn’t be a problem. Ace watches them go and muses, “It’s odd to find a Bishop in a place like this.” Indeed, who would have expected to find a Harmonian bishop in this location that is apparently central to a mission spearheaded by a Harmonian bishop? Crazy. Queen basically says this, but without any sarcasm. These people.
In the game’s ongoing quest to educate Aila on the Ways of the Harmonians and to bore the shit out of me, now Aila is wondering about bishops, since this one seems like “a powerful man.” Keep it in your pants, girl! Joker answers, “Well, he’s important in title but little else. The one leading the Harmonian Army is the Bishop. The fact that he came out to a place like this must mean something’s up.” That makes it sound like he is important in reality as well as in title, but that’s just me parsing what Joker said through my “Words actually have meaning, you know” filter. Aila’s response to this: “The Harmonian Army?” Jesus Christ. As Ace steps up to break down this concept, I wonder if Aila’s going to be tripped up by his use of confusing articles and prepositions. Anyway, Ace explains the hierarchy of the Harmonian military: first the army, then the shitty regional army, then the even shittier mercenaries in the Frontier Defense Force. Then Ace adds, seemingly à propos, “Then, below us, you have the third-class citizen units. Like that guy who was riding that Mantor before.” Aila processes this through the malfunctioning pinball machine that must be her brain and the result is, “It all seems so complicated. In Karaya, the chief is the most important, and everyone else is the same.” Now, for starters, I doubt that’s true–no one would have listened to Aila or even Hugo with the same level of respect that is no doubt afforded to Beecham or Jimba. But even if it is: honey, it’s a lot easier to maintain a simple socio-military structure when your entire society is a dozen fucking people. Ace basically rolls his eyes at her, which is a good summary reaction for most things Aila has ever said.
Finally, Geddy is free to explore this thriving metropolis. It occurs to me almost immediately (I genuinely forgot) that those are not boulders atop each house, but hives for the mantors and their no-doubt intensely gross larval offspring. Geddy and pals are going to have to sleep under one of those things? Yeah, thanks but no thanks, people of Le Buque. Geddy would rather just jump off the cliff and sleep as far away from those fucking things as possible.
Naturally, as soon as Geddy walks five feet, he gets thrown into another cutscene, this one featuring Franz acting butthurt at someone else. Geddy walks in on him reacting to some insult, perceived or otherwise, and it turns out it’s otherwise. Another Le Buque resident tells him flatly, “Just as I said. We have nothing to sell to Harmonians.” From the context we have so far, I’m going out on a limb and guessing that “Harmonian” is synonymous with “gaping, diseased hemorrhoid” around here. Sure enough, Franz growls in response, “What?! Who said I’m Harmonian? What’s your gripe?” But the other man points out that he has a Harmonian name, eats Harmonian food, has a Harmonian haircut, and masturbates with his pinkie finger extended like all Harmonians. One of the other mantor trainers comes over to back up his captain, but more or less gets a “U MAD” in return. Franz stomps off the only way he knows how–in a huff, and in stupid pants.
‘The rod up that man’s butt must have a rod up its butt.’
And now Aila wants to know what that was about. Don’t we all! But Ace just stammers while Queen tells her, in the tone of a weary grown-up talking to a three year old, “Just a complicated situation.” Moving on, it’s time to really explore the town! Except not. Five more feet to the east, Aila breaks off from the group to gaze back the way they came. Suddenly, she narrows her eyes and hisses, “Ah! It’s her!” There is only one woman who would make Aila do that, and indeed it is Sarah, Albino Mary Sue Princess, striding toward a house in the middle distance. And before anyone can tell her to stop being an idiot, Aila runs off after her. This visit to Le Buque is going great.
Is it time to explore for real yet? Maybe? Geddy does manage to at least barter with the vendors on the catwalks and get some “Herb Seeds” from some stoner kid before getting sucked into another cutscene near the inn. It’s Franz again, and he’s asking a woman’s back, “Why are you so upset, Iku?” Does anyone in this village actually like Franz? Does he work for the Harmonian Tax Revenue Service on the side? Without even turning around, Iku, a serene-looking woman with purple hair in a braided bun, tells him she’s not upset. She’s FINE, JUST FINE. “Then why are you being like this?” Franz asks. I’m certain that what he’s really asking is, “Why can’t you just keep your lady-brain opinions to yourself, go cook me a pot roast, and look the other way while I’m nailing my mantor trainer buddy on your sofa?” Iku finally turns around, frowning at him like seemingly everyone does, and exclaims, “Franz, why do you have to be so…” Dickish? Obnoxious? Oblivious? Dickish? It’s dickish, right?
Okay, what’s actually on Iku’s mind is Franz’s frustrating toadying to their Harmonian overlords. “There’re a lot of rumors going around,” she tells him. “That you’ve been blinded by money. Or that you’ve become used to the luxurious lifestyle of the Harmonians. You might as well be one.” Why is this stuff only coming up now? This war they lost to Harmonia was years ago, and Franz was clearly more or less raised as a Harmonian, but people are only getting mad in the last few days? This entire thing feels staged for my benefit.
Or my theory is right, and this is all code for something else. “To hell with everybody!” Franz snits back at her. “They know nothing about me! What I do is my business. Come on, Iku. Don’t tell me you believe them.” Well, Franz, what is Iku supposed to believe when she finds a buttplug with the Harmonian seal embossed on it stuffed in the wrong sock drawer? Iku goes, “….” and Franz reciprocates before storming off with his bug-riding pants crawling up his ass yet again.
‘Well, if Jacques is going to sleep outside anyway…’
Five more feet away–this is not annoying at all–Geddy waltzes into another cutscene, in which the Mask and Sarah are addressing the assembled mantor trainers. Franz bustles in at the last second, making himself the center of attention a-fucking-gain, but the Mask awesomely refuses to acknowledge him or soothe his anxiety over being late. Anyway, the Mask has some news from the head honchos: “Because of your Mantor training abilities, I am giving you third-class citizens this opportunity: If you succeed in this next war, you shall be granted second-class citizenship in the Holy Kingdom of Harmonia.” This should set off any sensible person’s bullshit alarm–the idea of them “succeeding” over the course of an entire war, which has many more moving parts than this one brigade of bug riders, is nebulous enough that Harmonia can and likely will renege on this “promise” by telling them they weren’t successful enough. Of course, the Bug Brigadiers are all–sorry–abuzz at this news until Sarah snaps, “Silence.” You’re not second-class citizens yet, fuckos! No one said you could talk!