Fortunately, I don’t really have to recap this scene, since I already did. The scene is basically exactly the same (click the link for a refresher, or if you like wankers), so if you’ll grant me this one small break, for the sake of my sanity, I’m going to crawl under the desk and hide from the live little bastard, because he makes my brain hurt like burning.

…Is he gone yet?

Okay, Lulu has wanked his way offscreen after yet another helping of his “I hate Ironheads” bullshit, so the coast is clear. Whew! As the knights ride on, Chris scolds Roland for being SO MEAN to the Grasslander wankers. Roland, shaking his fahbulous lavender head of hair, immediately apologizes for forgetting his place, but insists Chris needs to be more assertive. “Your men will doubt your ability to lead if you simply bow your head to Grassland barbarians.” Now, to me, the bigger problem is that Chris lets all her underlings shamelessly hit on her, and doesn’t stomp them flat with her big metal boots for objectifying her. But Roland also has a point, I guess.

Borus would like that.

We fade out and return to see Chris and Boy enter Chris’s chambers. Boy is oh-so-happy that they arrived a little early, because it means he gets to tidy up Chris’s room a bit and rummage through her underwear drawer. Chris doesn’t like the idea of her so-called knight’s apprentice doing maid’s work, but Boy tells her it’s no big deal. “I am more comfortable doing this than training as a knight,” he says. Why do I suddenly have this image of Boy growing up to be Tony Danza on Who’s the Boss? Chris still doesn’t like it, because Boy’s father wants Boy to be a knight, not a sissy lady in a frilly maid’s outfit. But she leaves him to it, figuring that he seems into that.

Sighing–guess how–icily, Chris says, “It’s been a while since I went away to battle and returned in triumph to the capitol.” Wasn’t she just telling the Council that she didn’t feel very triumphant about the whole thing? Whatever. Boy adds that the last time they were at Brass Castle, Galahad and Pelize were still alive. Their deaths are still painful for Chris to think about, especially now that she’s not even allowed to bury them, so she gets a bit snippy with Boy for bringing it up. The whole conversation does nothing but confuse me further about Galahad and Pelize. Here we have the famous Six Knights of Zexen. Their leader is Chris, but she’s only acting as Captain since Galahad and Pelize both died recently. So what were they? Did it used to be the famous Eight Knights of Zexen? And if Chris hasn’t been back since their deaths, then why does she already have the best private quarters in the castle? Maybe Galahad and Chris were doing it? (No. That’s ridiculous.)

Chris puts her angst on the shelf for the moment, because she’s now free to explore the castle. She even says she’s going to “explore the castle,” like she’s never been here before. She starts with needlessly scoping out her own bedroom, which I must say is rather swank. The conference room next door is empty, so she goes downstairs, chatting up all the NPCs on the way. I’m sure you haven’t guessed that they all just love her. None of Chris’s companions are anywhere to be found within the castle itself, mysteriously enough. There’s an outside chance that they’re all together elsewhere, doing something important, but really, what are the odds?

While there are yet more paid services available in Brass Castle (not those kind of services), Chris doesn’t feel like giving out her potch to the commoners just yet. She finishes conversing with the townsfolk and then walks to the easternmost part of town, nearest the Grasslands. It’s there that she finds Tootie, outside a large ring of spectating knights. Tootie informs his Ice Queen that the messenger from Grassland has arrived. “Then what is this big fuss about?” Chris asks, because despite growing up in Zexen and being a prominent member of its military, she has missed all the brick-to-the-face signs that the Zexens and the Grasslanders kind of dislike one another.

Within the circle of knights, Chris comes upon Borus, in a tense standoff with a large reptile. His long, thick tail is clearly making Borus feel inadequate, and having Chris, aka his territory, suddenly show up isn’t helping matters. Well-Endowed Lizard Man, who is named Dupa, seems to have said something to tick off the blond knight. That something could have been “Lay off the Aqua Net, Princess,” but we’ll never know. Actually, it sounds like Dupa said that Borus is a lowly “gatekeeper,” and that he should go fetch his superiors, like, right now. Which, of course, intensified Borus’s feelings of impotence. He must feel like he has the world’s tiniest penis right about now.

Shameful! Letting his third leg hang out there like that…

As if this could get any worse for poor Borus’s masculinity, Chris now steps in, and even makes sure to scold Borus in front of the lizard. I think what’s left of Borus’s testosterone just leaked out of his…um…ears. Chris gets the boys to back off each other and introduces herself to Dupa as the acting Captain of the Zexen Knights. Dupa, in a tremendous show of respect, calls her a “she-devil.” Borus seizes this chance to regain his cajones and defends Chris, telling Dupa to cram it. Because goodness knows Chris can’t defend herself.

Finally, with all the diplomatic niceties out of the way, Chris and Dupa get down to business. Yup, right in front of the Goddess and the dude with the mushroom cut. But thankfully Dupa isn’t nearly as eager as everyone else in this game to bone Chris–he just has a message from Chief Zepon of the–you’ll never guess–Lizard Clan. He recites, “On the evening after three suns set on the hill, we will hold a gathering on the Amur Plains to rest the Grides.” This is supposed to be all archaic and weird, but it’s pretty clear what Dupa is getting at. Chris isn’t obtuse either, so she replies, “Indeed, we will accept.” Chris and Dupa make arrangements, and Dupa immediately makes his exit. Once he’s gone, Borus can admit that he has no clue what just happened. “My dear [Tootie]…” he starts, for some reason. I don’t want to know. Tootie explains what we’ve all figured out–they will meet the Grasslanders for the treaty signing in three days’ time. Borus is all, “Oh, well, I knew that,” but he sneers at Dupa’s “ornate language.” Dupa, who is actually still there, calls Borus a raging dumbass and walks out laughing. Ha ha, ya burnt.

Chris, closing her eyes in a moment of icy frustration, says, “I did not expect a message so soon after we arrived. The Council is well-prepared, I see.” The scene fades out, leaving me wondering what the hell the Council’s preparation has to do with when Well-Endowed Dupa showed up. I know you don’t like the Council, my frigid darling, but they’re not responsible for everything bad that happens to you.

Things return to normal in Brass Castle town, and Chris has the opportunity to explore further, but there’s nothing of real import. So Chris returns to her room, where Boy is all ready to serve her dinner and then give her a nice foot massage. (No, not really. But it would be funny if Boy were a closet foot fetishist.) Boy tells Chris he’ll make the preparations for their departure, and Chris finally gets some nice beauty sleep.

All she needs is one good screw.

Fast forward to the evening of the treaty signing. Everyone is waiting patiently on the plains for the Grassland representatives. Well, everyone but Borus, who is still pissy at those well-endowed lizards. Someone, no doubt, was going to tell him to shut the hell up, but Boy suddenly points to the horizon, where a cluster of figures approaches. Some sinister, foreboding music cues up as the two parties meet. The Grasslanders are represented by hot mom Lucia, scruffy Beecham, Well-Endowed Dupa, a random lizard, and an older woman in pale blue robes. Chris greets them cordially enough, and speaks of her hope for temporary peace. Lucia and Well Endowed Dupa agree in their own way, but it’s really obvious that no one present really means to keep the peace, save the older woman, Sana, the leader of someplace called Chisha. But apparently the people of Chisha are gigantic pacifist pussies, so nobody listens or cares.

Lucia, for her part, does her absolute best to both condescend to and hit on Chris: “I would hope that the Silver Maiden, who brought death and fear to the battleground, will now exercise her wisdom and courage maintaining the treaty,” she says. When Chris predictably gets pissed off, Lucia continues, “Heh heh. Forgive me, but your beauty and ferocity in battle made me a bit jealous, even though you fought against us.” She says all this with one hand on her hip and with a sexy little smirk. Jumping Jeebus, is there anyone in this game who doesn’t want Chris? At this rate, fucking Fubie is going to come onto her.

There’s a little more back-and-forth between the parties, including some political commentary on the Zexen separation of military and domestic power. Chris and Tootie tell them all to mind their own damn business, as they’re not there to discuss Zexen politics. Sana agrees, and the negotiations begin.

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Of course, we don’t get to see the negotiations, because that might provide meaningful plot movement, and we can’t have that. Later on, Chris and her friends are waiting around for the Grasslanders to finish their “celebrations,” or some shit. They don’t want to be rude and leave early, but poor Boy is all cold and fatigued. Awwwww. Borus makes fun of him, which is so mature for an adult to do. Boy’s all, “I’m not the baby, you’re the baby, you big baby! And you’re just jealous ’cause I’ve seen Chris naked!” Guess what part of that I made up. Everyone laughs at Borus, because his hair is stupid and he just got dissed (badly) by a kid.

At this point, it becomes apparent that the nameless Zexen Knights present are slightly agitated–they’re all running around in circles. Just to make sure we’re all on the same page, Roland tells the others, “The soldiers are agitated.” Roland further elaborates that the Grasslanders’ troops are moving around suspiciously. Two seconds later, a messenger runs up to tell them the rear units are under attack. Well, that was the fastest treaty violation ever.

“There was a surprise attack,” the messenger announces, and the “OMGWTF!!!111” music kicks in, even though he had already told everyone about the rear guard once. The second time must have been the real shocker. Worse still, Lords Myriam and Lanchet, two more knights we know nothing about, are dead due to this Grasslander treachery. Boy is visibly shaken by Lord Myriam’s death, so we can either assume Boy was close to him or that the news of any death makes him weepy. Tootie, meanwhile, Einsteins that the treaty negotiations could have been a trap. Chris isn’t listening, but is grinding her teeth in, yes, an icy fashion.