Let’s catch back up with Barry outside on the castle grounds below the wife-sacrificing area, even though I swear Barry did nothing but walk up stairs to get to this lower level. Who cares. He finds a side door entering an inner-inner sanctum, this one containing rooms with actual furniture and windows. In something of a threat, one room has a Journeyman Crystal and the adjoining room has an Escape Talisman. Subtle, Jowy! Barry does not take the hint–even though he very much should just so Georg can get his Fury Rune stapled on–and continues deeper into the castle. He only pauses for a second at the Jillia hoax murder altar, still kind of wondering what the deal was with that. He’s sure he will find out later and be hella annoyed about it. Anyway, an even fancier red carpet across even fancier tile leads him to a second Journeyman Crystal (this one even loaded with a free heal), before Barry comes face to face with exactly who he expected: Richard and Julia, Jowy’s own devoted, hot knight boyfriends. It’s funny how everyone gets a pair of these! PUGGY!!! has his fists clenched in bitter anger right now.
Richard steps forward to get in Barry’s face. “Lord Barry, The Blight Family throne room is past here….. It’s no place for rabble like you.” I like how he still went with “Lord” there. Civility is important, or so we keep being told! Julia, the Hotheaded One, remember, adds, “We’re not giving up our country so easily!!!! We still have our pride and you won’t take it away!!!!!” That’s usually the thing one says when they’ve already lost their country and only have pride left. Also, Highland sucks and has three population centers, and when Barry gives this new mega-country a proper democracy, he’s not going to make it so empty land gets voting power!
Barry is less polite to these two than he was to Han, mostly because he’s hopeful that Jowy did not have sex with Han. Given his own True Rune heritage, he can’t help but see that as weird. Julia decides to drop this fucking line on him as a result: “You’ll have to beat us first!!! Just like [Adolf Hitler], just go ahead and destroy everything in your path!!!!!” Two people in this room were working for that guy, and only stopped when he died! And they are not any of the people in Barry’s party! Honestly, the balls on these fuckers.
A new anonymous op-ed in the L’Renouille Times.
Just like Han, these two immediately draw their swords after sobbing about how they’ve done their best to curtail The Cold Truth of War™, and the boss fight is on. And like Lucia, they’re not really going to stand a chance against this party. As much as it even matters, I choose to focus on Richard, the healer of the pair, first. Luc, though, gets his first opportunity to use Storm Fang, the “fifth-level” combo spell of the Cyclone and Mother Earth Runes. I’m choosing to believe this is foreshadowing for his future sexy reunion with his clone brother Sasarai. Fingers crossed we’ll see that in the other recap! PUGGY!!! just casts Black Shadow, because that’s what’s over his heart as he thinks about Alen and Grenseal.
Luc conjures the Goatse Nebula.
It’s a good thing Luc, PUGGY!!!, Barry, and Flik get in some fun with runes on this first round, because to my surprise, these two are also allowed to have more than one rune (the nerve!) and after Richard does in fact heal off a bit of their first-round damage, Julia uses his Water Rune to cast Silent Lake and silence goddamn everybody. I mean, not being able to heal is going to be so much worse for them than it is for my team, but it’s…a strategy, I guess. Indeed, Richard drops from a strike from Georg one round later, and Julia the round after that. It was a nice thought!
Jowy’s boyfriends crash to the floor, their swords clanging out of their hands. “The outcome’s already decided…” Barry says to them. He is maybe being a little bit of an unnecessary dick about this. For once. “Is it really…so strange, Barry? That we should fight?” Julia asks. I mean…no? Barry never said it was strange, he just kind of objected to being literally Godwinned when HE KILLED HITLER. “Lord Barry……. You were the hope of the Yaoi Army…..” Richard grunts, also I guess in a conciliatory mood now that he’s dying. “Just as Lord Jowy was the hope of our side…… He rid us of [Adolf Hitler]… And we hoped he would lead Highland to a better future…..” I know Jowy certainly played a role in King Adolf’s demise, but this does make me wonder what he and Leon have been telling everyone about how that went down, given that they were the only Highland witnesses. Jowy personally stuck a tonfa sword through Adolf’s black heart! It exploded and moths flew out! Then the Yaoi Army burst into applause and a strong man who was crying with happiness handed Jowy 100 potch! That man’s name was BARACK OBAMA.
Once Barry’s been given the green light to leave these two to bleed out, they exchange a little death’s door pillow talk. “[Richard]…..it was fun….” Julia says. “All the plans we made for this country…for the future….” It is unfortunate that they aren’t going to get to have their royal-adjacent wedding. That would have been a lovely affair. “Yeah…….” Richard agrees with me. “It’s a good thing…that we die along with this country…..” Or that! The scene fades on Jowy’s last and most loyal lieutenants dying together, but before they can clasp hands, and I have to say I’m mad about it.
We leave Barry and his murder spree for a moment to check in on the man he’s coming for. Jowy is pacing in his opulent bedroom, lit by sunlight from many large windows, and Lassie is bobbing around behind him. Actually she seems a lot less hyper, I guess because Jowy fixed her trauma by existing in the same room with her for 60 seconds. She asks Jowy what’s wrong, perhaps because she is still too short to look out the fucking window. Jowy doesn’t give her the details of the massive pickle he is currently in, but simply says, “[Lassie]…sweetie…. This is…where we say goodbye.” To my surprise, Lassie’s all, “Yeah.” I guess this child is pretty unflappable so long as she gets a chance to say farewell to people before they’re ripped from her life? And also, experience has taught her that Jowy being gone doesn’t mean he’s gone, and he’ll probably just pop up at some future point to pretend she’s not in the room and have a Serious Grownup Talk with her new uncle or whoever. To wit: “But you’ll be back soon. Just like always, right?” Jowy’s like, “Nah.” I mean, I’ll give him credit, he could have just lied to her. Being told this is “goodbye forever” does, in fact, send Lassie into hysterics. “I don’t wanna be alone!!!” she cries. Spoiler alert: she won’t be, just like she wasn’t the first time Jowy was gone and after her parents died–she has always had people with her and taking care of her. I don’t want to diminish the feelings of this super-fictional child and all the super-fictional trauma she’s endured, but I also think she acted like Nanami was nothing to her after Nanami did nothing but consider her needs with no one asking her to do so. Nanami was her nice and caring stepmom that did not get enough credit from this, again, extremely not-real six-year-old girl. And I’m non-fictionally annoyed about it. I’m annoyed about a lot today!
“[Lassie]……listen to me….” Jowy says. “You’re going to grow up and meet lots of people. And you’re going to lose a lot of people too. So don’t forget, [Lassie]. Enjoy the moments you have together, because nothing lasts forever. Okay?” This is good advice! Good times with your loved ones don’t last, sometimes because they die, and sometimes because they stab a mayor to death in her office and flee into the night and then become an enemy lieutenant and then an enemy king! LIFE IS SHORT AND RANDOM, LASSIE. LOVE IS FLEETING. NOT DUE TO ANYONE’S CHOICES, THOUGH.
The two of them stare at each other for a long moment, and finally Lassie says, “Okay…..I understand…. But, but, but can I ask just one favor?” Look at Nanami’s influence on her shining through! Seriously, one day she’s going to remember who the good fake parent was. Anyway, her request is, “Can you pick me up and hold me like my daddy used to? Just once, please.” Jesus Christ, that is so sad. I fully expect Jowy to be like, “Sorry, no time,” and rush out of the room, but apparently he’s only that callous to Barry and Nanami, and so he lifts Lassie into his arms. The two of them close their eyes as they embrace, and Lassie seems so comforted by this she might just fall asleep right there, but before long Jowy is putting her down to speak to Jillia, who has come at her husband’s call.
Haven’t you done enough to me, game?
Jowy has a favor to ask of his beloved wife, and to the surprise of no one it’s “Get as far away from this room as possible.” He tells her, “[Julia] and [Richard] can buy us some time. But sooner or later, this castle’s going to fall. When that happens, Highland will disappear. I want you to take [Lassie] and the two of you flee to Harmonia. I’ve prepared a nice home for you and [Lassie] there. I want you to live there, not as the Blight family, but under a new name. So you and she can have a new start…..” This is very much being framed as Noble, Beautiful-Hearted Jowy sacrificing himself to ensure the safety of these two women, coincidentally the two remaining Portrait People who have been the biggest victims of Adolf’s cruelty. Which sounds fine and all, except a) nothing is stopping him from, like, going with them if he really wanted to, and he clearly does not; and b) this war would have been over six recaps ago, with this country and castle still intact, if Jowy (and Shu, I suppose) hadn’t been taking all his cues for winning this conflict for good from Ender Wiggin Presents: The Art of War. An uneasy truce between two neighboring countries is actually better than those two countries annihilating each other, even if the peace doesn’t last forever! Crazy but true!
But now is not the time to ruminate on all the ways Jowy has fucked the dog. Now is the time for a tender moment between two people who got married to facilitate a coup, but only one of them was in on it. Jillia pauses for an hour and then replies, “I will, my lord. So…is it really over?” Jowy somehow does not reply, “Are you also too short to look out the window?” But Jillia takes this news stoically enough and tells Lassie to come along with her. The kid toddles out of the room, and Jillia makes to follow her, but stops when Jowy says, “Jillia……..I’m sorry.”
Jillia rounds on him. “Why do you say that! Why are you apologizing?” I mean…he used marrying you as a pretext to get him into a situation where he could murder your (step)dad, and that was a pretext for having your brother (justifiably) assassinated? And that all had to be a lot for you? But, I guess that’s exactly what Jillia wants to talk about. Ignore me. “You think I didn’t know??? How you used me, what you did to my brother and father….I knew all along!!!!” Cool! Glad you were on board, but it was still…shitty? “But even then,” she goes on, “even then I always loved you for your dreams, for your goals! Why do you apologize to me now?” Okay, that’s fair. He should have done it a really long time ago. Also, a dude can have goals and dreams and also not marry a lady to facilitate double regicide. Or, at the very least, the lady does not have to like it. And yet! Jillia FUCKING LOVED IT: “You don’t need to say sorry. You’re my husband and the man I will always love.” Sorry, I need a paragraph break and like a minute to do some deep breathing.
What.
WHAAAAAAT?
Jowy has nothing for this moment but ellipses because SERIOUSLY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK YOU LOVE HIM WHY THOUGH???? Jillia plows on through his awkward silence and asks, surely setting herself up for hours more of same, “If I were to die…. Would you shed tears for me?” Girl, do not ask questions you do not want the answers to! Jowy says in lieu of the “No” that’s surely in his mouth somewhere, “……..Please live. …..Jillia.” I would say something biting here like “Okay, she won’t kill herself now that she has your blessing,” but that…might be true here! She gets ready to leave again, but pauses again, turns around and looks for a second like she wants to punch him in his perfect pointy chin, and then. And then!
I am freezing this scene here instead of immediately after this because Jillia with those fists balled up in rage is how I want to remember her.
She rushes to embrace Jowy as the scene fades to black. Jillia. Jillia! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! She murmurs to him over the black screen. “This is…the final farewell…” They say goodbye to each other while we can’t see shit, but surely Lassie can see everything through the open doorway, and so I will assume they are not having a farewell fuck. Guys, this isn’t even about my (correct!) ship, or Jowy having less than zero interest in women. You know what? She can even like him despite all the familial murder! Her brother was the absolute worst and her dad didn’t seem great either! But those lofty goals and dreams of Jowy’s, far from bringing on a new age of righteousness and glory, are about to–spoiler alert!–literally bring this castle down around their ears. All these people died and it wasn’t even for anything!
OR WAS IT?
(It wasn’t!)
We’re back with Barry, at the south end of the royal procession room. At the opposite end, he finds himself standing across from Leon Silverberg, a shiny depiction of the Beast Rune’s double wolf insignia between them on the floor. Not Jowy, huh? Is he still standing in his bedroom, looking regretful? Whatever. “Barry…..” Leon says. “I never meant for this to happen, but I must admit I’m impressed you made it here…” Just put a pin in that for a moment while we get through Leon’s exposition: “Well, this is the end…’The Beast Rune’ that [Adolf Hitler] left… It’s [sic again! yay!] demonic incarnation is here. The demon that fed on the blood and souls of the Muse citizens…it’s all I could do just to keep it sealed here… It was [Adolf]’s plan all along to unleash this beast on the world.”
So, as I was giving Jillia Blight all the sheer tonnage of side-eye I possess over this whole “My duplicitous, lying, murdering husband has AMBITIONS, OOH HOT” thing, in the interest of presenting both sides (as we know, the only important interest there is), I figured I should raise the possibility that it was Jowy and Leon’s plan this entire time to eradicate the Blight Family and Kingdom of Highland on purpose (hence Jillia’s staged death), for the sake of humanity. After all, this insatiable Beast Rune, as Leon says, is a major problem, and in theory would have continued being a problem under the peaceful reign of Jowy Atreides Blight unless it were destroyed. And who better to destroy it than an invading army set on the destruction of the entire royal line? What if Jowy rejected the peace treaty and tried to assassinate Barry and Teresa to set in motion the chain of events that led Barry here? What if ACTUALLY I’ve been wrong this whole time and ACTUALLY Jowy is a hero and a 12D chessmaster who manipulated The Cold Truth of War™ into ACTUALLY saving the world?
Oops, except Leon just said it was never part of his plan for Barry to get to L’Renouille, and that he has been hubristically attempting to contain the Beast Rune on his own! Also Jowy clearly thought for a good long while there that he was going to win this war, otherwise he would have never roped in Lucia or Yuber! False alarm! Jillia still has an advanced case of Stockholm Syndrome! “This is your final test…” Leon goes on. “Can you win this time, Barry?” I mean, he beat up a demonic boner dragon, a vampire, Adolf Hitler, and a child-eating giant moth. I’m going to go with yes! But, of course, Leon is not going to fight himself–he made that pretty clear to Shu not too long ago. Instead, he holds his arm over the Beast Rune symbol and draws a dagger across his wrist, dripping blood into its Rorschach Test center. Everyone present, as one, takes a step back as the Beast Rune drinks in this half-assed sacrifice of grandpa blood.