The guitar solo that is playing in the background sounds all sweet and mushy, too. Gremio announces that someone named Ted is there to congratulate PUGGY!!!, and then he runs off, shrilling about the stew. Okay, thus far we have a house with a bunch of young men living in it, and the head of the household is a guy who walks waaaay too close to his teenage son, and who just accepted a sword named “Prakk” from a guy whose face is a combination of two asses. I think Final Fantasy VIII may have a rival for the gayest game ever.
Oh, there is one female living there, a young woman by the name of Cleo. I think she’s supposed to be tomboyish, though. There’s another young man named Pahn, who is sleeping in bed when PUGGY!!! wakes him up with a “Boing!” sound. If that weren’t enough, PUGGY!!! can also tickle Gremio in the kitchen. Another “Boing!” sound. Strangely enough, PUGGY!!! is not able to touch Cleo in any way. Nope, just the guys.
As PUGGY!!! enters the upstairs area, a young man rushes out of the dining room to meet him. It’s Ted, and Ted wants to go into PUGGY!!!’s room to talk. Oh dear.
Ted is another one of Teo’s adopted orphans, and he has some sort of special bond with PUGGY!!!. He wants to know all about PUGGY!!!’s meeting with the emperor, and whether Lady Windy was beautiful, but most importantly, he has something he needs to tell PUGGY!!!.
“Hey PUGGY!!!, I really don’t know how to tell you this, but….ummm….” and then he asks if PUGGY!!! can keep a secret. I repeat: Oh dear. This game makes it way too easy for me. Unfortunately, Ted’s big secret is cut short by dinner being served. Damn.
At dinner, Teo announces his departure, and tells everyone that PUGGY!!! is in charge. He also gets sappy for a moment and tells Gremio that it’s thanks to him that PUGGY!!! is such a fine young man. Apparently Gremio took care of PUGGY!!! when he was a baby. So Gremio is not quite as young as his girlishly smooth looks would have you believe. Gremio says that taking care of PUGGY!!! (aka “Young Master”) is his job and that, ahem, “…serving Young Master is a pleasure for me, too…” Ooooookay.
The next scene is in black and white, and I’m guessing it’s because PUGGY!!!’s asleep, even though that makes no sense because it’s not a dream sequence. Teo and Gremio enter PUGGY!!!’s room while he’s sleeping, but there’s no hanky-panky or “Boing!” sounds involved. No, it’s just Teo saying goodbye. Gremio asks if he should wake PUGGY!!! and Teo replies that “No, let him sleep. It’s not as if we’ll never meet again.” I’m even more convinced that something is going to go horribly wrong.
The next morning, Gremio enters PUGGY!!!’s room and asked if he woke him up. No, you didn’t, Gremio, because the scene is in color now. There’s some stuff about it being PUGGY!!!’s first day in the army, and then Gremio says that they have to get to the palace. Um, excuse me? “They”, as in plural? It turns out that Pahn and Cleo are tagging along, too. Oh boy, it’s a party! There’s some expositional dialogue (which is much better than that found in most games) where we find out that all Pahn thinks about is fighting, and Cleo likes to give him crap about that. It’s kind of cute. And of course Ted also has to come along, because he thinks that PUGGY!!! will be lonely without him. PUGGY!!! has three people hanging around him constantly, I don’t think he would be getting lonely any time soon.
Attack of the Clones.
I make PUGGY!!! visit every frickin’ building in the town, and I realize that there are two types of characters in this game. There are the Important Characters, who can be identified by the fact that they all have character portraits, and the Clones. The Clones are the random sprites who inhabit the towns, and they all look the same. Well, there’s about four different ones so far. The designers were really lazy. And they don’t even try to hide the fact that they reused the same sprites. Nope, you’ll see several of the same guy in one room. Way to go.
There’s some random information given by some Clones that may be useful, for instance, details on the Five Great Imperial Generals. I shall list them here now. Lady Sonya Shulen, Commander of the Imperial Navy. Of course she is a magic user as well as a swordfighter. Go figure. Kasim Hazil. Oh! We’ve met him already! Great swordsman, yada yada yada. Kwanda Rosman, who has defended Emperor Assarosa lots of times. Oh, I’m intimidated. Then there’s General Milich, the “Flower General.” He’s a guy. A guy called “The Flower General.” Now there’s a scary nickname for a general. What’s next? “The Pixie General”? “The Fuzzy Bunny General”? I guess he has a reputation for being well-dressed. I bet he’s straight as an arrow, too. Last but not least is General Teo. Duh. He’s cool because he’s won a hundred out of a hundred battles. Big round number.
This is a guy.
In the Western part of town sits a fancy house with an orange roof. Inside, elaborate golden wardrobes line the room. I think I know where we are, ladies and gentlemen. We have just entered the house of…..THE FLOWER GENERAL. Sure enough, upstairs we find the most foppish man ever to grace a Playstation console, and that is even counting Squall from FF8. In addition to his gaudy orange cape and huge red hat, he wears a pageboy haircut and has rouged cheeks. He goes on about how he must show the Emperor his exquisite taste in clothes. Yes, I’m sure that is the main role of a general. The clothes.
We also meet General Sonya Shulen, who is much less feminine than General Milich. She also appears to have a “thing” for General Teo. I’m sure she’s not the only General to be pining away for some man.
Futch you too, bick.
Back at the palace, Kraze displays his usual assholish behavior. He also gives PUGGY!!! his first assignment (read: fetch quest) which is to go visit Leknaat the Seer on Magician’s Island and bring back her star reading results. He then asks if PUGGY!!! was listening to what he said, and gives a little pop quiz. Crap, I hadn’t been paying attention to the exact direction Magician’s Island is from the palace. So I choose the option “Somewhere on this earth.” Kraze gets mad. Hehe! A Dragon Knight has been commissioned to cart PUGGY!!! and Co. to Magician’s Island. I hope it’s a really big dragon to have to carry five people plus the Dragon Knight on its back. Oh, and it turns out that Leknaat is Court Magician Windy’s younger sister. I don’t know about you, but I think “So-and-so the Seer” sounds cooler than “So-and-so the Court Magician.” I just think of dippy magic tricks and stuff with the latter.
The Dragon Knight is a young apprentice named Futch, which must be the most profane-sounding non-profanity ever. His dragon, Black, sounds like an elephant, and definitely does not look big enough to carry six people on its back. Futch and Ted get into an argument over who is more of a punk, and Ted lets it slip that he is “300 years…” but then Gremio cuts him off. Gee, I wonder if this will have any sort of significance in the future?