All six of them climb into the basket on Black’s back. The basket must be invisible, because when they show the side view of Black, there is nothing on his back. Or maybe he got ticked off and dumped them into the ocean. Nope, it was just lazy animation designers.
After a bunch of random battles on the way to see the Seer, PUGGY!!! and pals run across an effeminate young man (go figure) named Luc. I thought Luc was a girl the first time I saw him in Suikoden II. Whoops. Of course, he has to give them an appropriate welcome, which in RPG-Speak means “a boss battle.” Luc calls upon his Wind Rune to summon up…..a Golem. I can see Johnny Cochran using this in his “Chewbacca Defense.” “He called upon his Wind Rune and summoned an Earth creature. That does Not. Make. Sense. Look at the dragon. Look at the silly dragon.” The Golem, needless to say, is not a difficult enemy.
Oh, and of course Luc was just testing PUGGY!!! and pals, because he knew who they were all along. He leads them to Lady Leknaat’s place. After going up about ten sets of stairs, they reach Lady Leknaat, who says PUGGY!!! is cute. Apparently everyone in this damn game thinks PUGGY!!! is cute. Personally, I think he should lose the ponytail and the pointy-toed shoes, but that’s just me. She summons PUGGY!!! into the other room to retrieve the Astral Conclusions. In a mystical-looking chamber, complete with blue torches and crystal ball, Leknaat suddenly sees snippets of PUGGY!!!’s future. Turns out PUGGY!!! will bear a huge burden in the flow of destiny, will have to make painful choices, and experience a great deal of pain and sorrow. Okay, that definitely beats the pessimistic fortune cookie I got one time that said “There’s no good time for bad news.” Leknaat says some more stuff about how PUGGY!!!’s destiny is in his own hands. So he’s going to be bringing all that bad shit upon himself. I bet he feels great.
My sentiments exactly.
Luc teleports everyone back to the shore, just as Futch was about to leave them behind. Nice. Back at the Palace again, PUGGY!!! delivers the Astral Conclusions and gets his next assignment. This time, there’s an ass-kissing toadie named Kanaan in Kraze’s office who repeats every damn thing Kraze says. Unfortunately, he is coming along on the next assignment, which is to visit the town of Rockland and ask the military commander, Grady, why their taxes are overdue.
The people in town all a) are oppressed, b) hate Grady and all Imperials, and c) are clones. It’s a country village, they don’t care who’s Emperor, etc. One little kid says that he doesn’t think PUGGY!!! and friends are Imperial soldiers because they didn’t hit him. This is one of our first hints that the Empire isn’t as great as it seems…or something.
This is also a guy.
PUGGY!!! and pals make their way to Grady’s mansion. Grady is also an asshole. What is it about all these Imperials? They either are asses, kiss asses, like asses, or look like asses. Grady blames some bandits for stealing their tax money, although he doesn’t seem to be doing too poorly in his well-furnished mansion. Grady kisses some ass and asks the “courageous National Guard” to go take care of the bandits. PUGGY!!! agrees, even though Gremio and Cleo are unsure about this course of action.
I try to get the treasure chest that is taunting me from the other room, but Grady’s assistant won’t let me. Hmph. So instead, PUGGY!!! and friends head east to Mt. Seifu. I think Final Fantasy VIII Seifer/Fujin fanfiction is called “Seifu,” and I suddenly wonder if there are mountains named after scary fanfiction pairings. I would like to visit Mt. Squeifer myself. Hehe….Mount Squeifer….hehehe.
Unsurprisingly, Kanaan is a stupid coward who makes the others go first, all the while telling them not to chicken out because of the bandits. Pahn calls him on this. I’m glad someone said what I was thinking. After traveling through a cave and fighting a bunch of random battles (aren’t you glad I don’t recap each one?), the party runs into a Queen Ant, which is reminiscent of the Antlion in FFIV, only this one is half-ant, half-woman-with-big-boobs. Why don’t disgusting half-woman creatures ever have small boobs? I’d think that would be a lot scarier to fanboys.
The battle is impossible to win, but luckily Ted happens to be there with his Rune to save PUGGY!!!’s half-dead ass by sucking the enemies into a big black whirlpool of darkness. How convenient. Everyone is confused as I am, except for Kanaan, who says “This must be what Commander Kraze was talking about.” Oooh, foreshadowing. Ted says he’ll explain everything to PUGGY!!! later.
After exiting the cave, PUGGY!!! and pals meet up with the leader of the bandits, Varkas, and his semi-comic-relief sidekick, Sydonia. Kanaan takes this moment to be all “badass” and demands that the bandits return the money. The bandits say they didn’t take the money, and Varkas calls Kanaan a petty clerk. Varkas doesn’t seem like such a bad fellow, after all. Of course PUGGY!!! ends up fighting them anyway. I think something fishy is going on here, what with the many comments about “You’ve got it all wrong” and “Imperial tax thieves” being aimed at my party. Hmm….think the bandits might turn out to be innocent?
After the bandits are defeated, Kanaan, who screamed like a little girl and hid behind PUGGY!!! and friends when the bandits attacked, now steps forward to take all the credit. Typical. Cleo calls him on it this time. Now with the bandits captured, the big mystery of Ted’s Rune unsolved, and the stupid Kanaan still in tow, PUGGY!!! heads back to Rockland.