Armed with his dinnerware, Barry backtracks and, sure enough, finds a circular hole into which he can plug his object. Ehehehehehehe. A new door opens, like I wasn’t lost enough already. A short jaunt later–including passing five or six statues of two-headed snakes (gee, I wonder what the boss in this dungeon will be?)–Barry and Lloyd come across another iron plate, this one triangular. At what must be the highest point in the ruins, Barry finds the triangular hole. Placing the plate inside causes the floodgates in the back wall to close up, draining the ruins of water. This, of course, opens up paths to all kinds of new swag. Lloyd scratches his head in amazement at the mechanical and structural prowess of the Sindar, like he just took in the Roman aqueducts or something. It really wasn’t that incredible.
Hmm, to joke about the giant mouth monster or the one-eyed monster …?
The lack of water in the ruins also makes it possible to find a square-shaped plate. Lloyd grabs it and says he’ll “finally” be able to get the treasure with this. He’s right and all, but how does he know that there aren’t any more plates after this one? I give up on this guy. After a little more meandering, Barry finds a save point and the door that leads to the treasure, and certainly no two-headed snake boss monsters. Lloyd pops the square plate into its hole and they go inside.
Yet another set of doors within doors where Lloyd can try to impress his new buddies by mysteriously opening them. To the right, they find more Sindarin writing. It says some stuff about getting your heart’s desire, which Lloyd of course interprets to be a quarry pit full of gold and diamonds. He’s laying it on pretty thick with the “I’m greedy but I’m going to learn a lesson about what’s really important in life” shtick. I hereby award Lloyd the Massive Eyeroll Award for this recap. Nanami, on the other hand, figures that Grandpa Buried-under-the-Penis-Stone is what she really wants. Not in that way, you sickies. Jowy and Nanami ask Barry what’s most important to him, and because I hope it’ll make Jowy feel all lovey-dovey and they’ll do it later, he says “Everyone.” Awww.
‘Oh boy, eyebrow wax!’
Once the gang is finished with its Moment, Lloyd opens the doors to find…more doors! Just kidding. They find themselves in an open stone courtyard with a flight of stairs on the other side leading up to what we can assume is the treasure. Lloyd gets all jittery, but before he can run for his riches, Jowy holds him back, because our good buddy the two-headed snake just made its entrance! And no, it isn’t here just to provide the much-appreciated innuendo of “two-headed snake.” (As if this wasn’t enough for me to giggle in perverted glee, the official name of this boss is the “Double Head.”) This boss battle is fairly typical two-headed monster fare; each head casts a different element. But there’s no need to attack one head or another (you can only target the entire monster, anyway)–it’s just a matter of whittling the monster down, and between Barry’s new healing magic and Jowy’s new offensive magic, it goes down (*snicker*) easily. The Double Head’s carcass now rotting in the sun, the group goes after its treasure.
Lloyd takes it upon himself to open the single treasure chest sitting at the top of the steps while the rest of the group watches. Nanami jumps around in a struggle to see over Jowy and Barry’s heads. Or maybe she’s trying not to look at them because they’re making out. I don’t know. Lloyd finally reveals his true reasons for wanting treasure–he psyches himself up by thinking of all the nice things he can buy for his wife and kid. Isn’t that nice? He’s not greedy and materialistic except he is. But to everyone’s absolute shock (except mine, and yours, and maybe everyone’s) the contents of the treasure chest turn out to be significantly less than a mint of gold and jewels. Lloyd removes the “treasure” in disbelief: a sprig of “healing herbs.” Ohhhhhh, I get it now. The Sindar treasured and revered “herbs.” You know, the way Steve the Dell Guy treasures “herbs.” It would explain the directionless, almost lazy design of these ruins.
Lloyd, obviously, is not at all happy to find the Sindar’s stash in lieu of the treasure of his dreams. Back at the entrance of the ruins, he kicks the herbs aside, before returning to the inn to tell Hilda he’s a loser. But surprise, surprise (well, not really): when they return from the backyard, all is not well. Lassie and Pete are in the middle of a class A freak-out, because Hilda is lying unconscious on the floor. Oh dear me, it looks like she could use a little HEALING. Obviously, no one thinks of the wondrous “healing herbs” they had not three minutes ago, but Nanami turns into Nursemaid!Nanami. She sees that Hilda’s got a bad fever and gets her to bed, and then sends Jowy to find a doctor.
Huh. Didn’t figure she swung that way.
In Lloyd and Hilda’s bedroom (they have separate beds!), Hilda ain’t doing so hot. Lloyd mentions that they usually go to the doctor in Toto, but since Toto inconveniently burned down it’s not exactly an option. And apparently Nursemaid!Nanami isn’t that great a nurse, because all she does is say, “We have to get her fever down,” rather than actually trying something to that end. Everyone stands around helplessly, but Barry, the only character with more than five minutes’ worth of short-term memory, goes back to fetch the Stash of the Sindar. He brings the “herbs” to Nanami, but Lloyd doesn’t think it’ll do any good. Doesn’t anyone around here have a sense of irony? Nanami ignores Lloyd and feeds the “herbs” to Hilda. Immediately her fever dissipates and she’s back to normal. That’s some wacky tobaccy, yo. Everyone’s overjoyed to see the potency of Sindar “medicine” in effect. Hilda opens her eyes and tells Lloyd that she just had the most wonderful dream involving him lugging home a giant jewel. But it’s okay, because she’s just glad to have him home. Enough with the passive-aggressive guilt trips, Hilda.
About five seconds later Jowy rushes into the room, explaining that he couldn’t find a doctor anywhere in the area. You know, there is most assuredly a doctor in Muse, and I’m sure the guards could have at least fetched him in an emergency. But whatever. Jowy was probably just waiting outside the inn, with his picture of Barry in a speedo to keep him company.
Some indeterminate time later, Barry and his friends are preparing to leave. The happy family wishes them well and hopes to see them again. Hilda also tells Barry that their money is no good there, which would be nice if he ever planned to stay at the White Deer Inn again. Lloyd remembers his end of the bargain and hands over his Muse entry permit. But Jowy realizes they have a new problem: the permit is specific to its holders–i.e., Lloyd, Hilda, and Pete. How are they all supposed to get in? Nanami waves off his questions, for it is time to return to Muse. Again.
Back in front of Muse, the party huddles up to figure out their plan. Nanami’s idea is bound to fail, but these mental midgets aren’t going to think of anything better: she, Barry, and Jowy will pose as Hilda, Lloyd and Pete, respectively. Jowy’s pissed that he has to play their son, because the guard will never believe it. But we all know he’s really just mad because he wants to be Hilda. Nanami won’t let Lassie be Pete, either, since “[Lassie] is a girl, you dummy.” Like Jowy’s a pillar of masculinity. Jowy appeals to Barry’s sense of good casting, and I make him say “Let’s go, Pete,” because it’s funny. Nanami tells the rest of the party to just hang out behind them, like the guard is really going to let in four unaccounted-for people. The details ironed out–well, as much as they’re going to be–Barry, Nanami, and “Pete” try their luck with the guard for a second time.