The cabin, thank God, does have a back door leading to the path out of the forest. Who built this cabin here, anyway? The only way to follow this path is to go through the cabin. It would be like if you lived in an apartment building but decided to set up your furniture and stuff in the middle of your floor’s hallway. I bet it’s some guy’s summer home, and he’s going to come back soon, all horrified at the mud that’s been tracked into the house from people coming in one end and out the other.
Because I’m so sick of playing by now, Barry runs away from every single random battle until he gets to a designated point on the path, where he and his companions stop to catch their breath. For the record, even though Flik knocked her ass out not two minutes ago, Teresa now appears to be conscious and walking under her own power. Fine by me, as long as she doesn’t start talking again. Nanami is relieved that they have made it out of danger, but Flik is not going to rest easy until they are all within the warm, safe walls of HoYay Castle. Of course, right when he tells the group that they are not–sorry–out of the woods yet, stupid-ass Lassie goes running off by herself again. No one should be surprised when she returns with Jowy beside her, as she did this exact same thing back in town, but Nanami’s still all, “Oh my God!” when he appears. What am I going to do with this girl?
To Jowy’s credit, he doesn’t try and downplay his being there and act like he’s just hanging out with some old pals. He’s here to try to convince Barry (and Nanami) to ditch the Yaoi Army and flee, because he doesn’t want to see them hurt when he invades their castle and kills all their other friends. Classy, Jowy. “The victor in this war is already decided,” he tells them out of his ass. “Anything you do now is in vain…you will only be prolonging the suffering.” Whose suffering, Barry wonders. He can see Jowy’s point–he lives with the likes of Tai Ho and Gengen and has to deal with Eilie bringing him breakfast in bed every morning.
Barry’s animal friends passionately object to Jowy’s words, Muku Ranger Red crying out “Mu-mu-mu!!!” with tears in his eyes. He loved Jowy too, dammit! Jowy ignores them, but promises that he does not intend to let Prince Adolf run roughshod over the City-State. Ergo, he says, Barry doesn’t have to worry about fighting, since Daddy Jowy will take care of their problem. That’s…sweet…I guess. Can someone give me a better term for this than “chauvinist”? Because obviously that doesn’t work here, though it’s clear Jowy wants Barry to get in the kitchen and bake him a pie.
Once upon a time, these words might have made Barry swoon into his lover’s arms and do whatever Jowy asked of him. But he’s his own man now, and he’s not going to take this coddling from the man who betrayed him. He has a choice here, and chooses to say, “I can’t just run away.” You go, girl!
In the middle of all this, Lassie has been desperately trying to get Jowy’s attention. She even almost manages to talk again, getting out a syllable of Jowy’s name. But he’s so brokenhearted by Barry refusing him that he ignores her entirely. Which is kind of cruel, really, but you didn’t hear that from me. Meanwhile, these dumbasses seem to have forgotten that they’re being pursued and that it probably wasn’t a good idea to stand here and chat for ten minutes, so Jowy reminds them that they should probably get going. Flik snaps to his senses. “Pursuers! Barry, run!” he yells. But Nanami and Lassie are not at all ready to leave. “Jowy…what is this, this has to be a lie!!” she screams at him. “I don’t believe it!! Jowy, my Jowy, our Jowy… He’d never follow orders from [Adolf Hitler]!! It’s a lie!!” At least she didn’t call him “a scum.” Barry says, “Let’s go, Nanami,” and bodily drags her away from Jowy, his heart bursting with pain all the while. Shu will make him feel better. He would never betray Barry! He’s hotter than Jowy anyway!
At the exit to the forest, Flik says, “It looks like we made it, but we can’t rest easy yet. Let’s return to HoYay Castle, Barry.” No shit, Sherlock. And here I thought we were going to go back to Greenhill. Teresa’s all, “Someday…someday…” because she wanted to make sure Barry and Flik remembered she was there. Barry, for his part, had quite forgotten. He’s got romance troubles to occupy his mind.
Back to Jowy. A year later, it seems, the Prick and his men finally catch up to where Jowy has been standing this whole time. The Prick wants to know if Jowy has seen any escaping rebels pass through, and obviously Jowy has seen no one. Equally obviously, the Prick doesn’t believe that for a second. “Ohhhh, I see,” the Prick says. “Hmm, even after one of my men swore he saw them come this way!” Well, what other way would they have gone? There’s only one path out of the forest. The Prick makes it clear that he doesn’t trust Jowy as far as he could throw him, and that Prince Adolf wanted Jowy to be watched closely. The Prick seems to think this is news. I can’t see why Jowy would have any expectation of trust from the Highlanders, given that he 1) has reason to hate Highland and Prince Adolf, 2) has good friends across enemy lines, and 3) has betrayed so many people at this point that I can’t even keep his ironic comings and goings straight anymore.
Of course, Jowy can’t really say any of this, so he’s forced to remain silent while the Prick tries to force his way past. Like he couldn’t just step around Jowy–the path is more than wide enough. But this is supposed to be a tense moment, and I’m ruining it with spatial arguments. But before the Prick can pass, Richard Gere and Julia Roberts show up from the other end of the path. So they’d been down there the whole time? They must have been screwing in the bushes or something while Barry and his friends ran right past. At any rate, they lie through their teeth to the Prick, too. The Prick has to know they’re full of shit–again, see: linear forest path–but he’s suddenly unsure. Idiot. Richard drives home the final blow: “We’d hate to see you make a false report out of jealousy because a former subordinate is now your commanding officer.” Oh, snap! The Prick felt that one. Richard also notes that there is apparently a riot in Greenhill that the Prick should probably try to get under control. And with that, and some more sneering, the Prick is gone.
‘Gay marriage is legal there! Richard and I are getting hitched!’
Jowy wants to know why Richard and Julia would go to bat for him. They basically answer, “We hate Prince Adolf too, and we want to help you take him down. Also, you’re hot and we’ve been curious about a threesome.” Without hesitation, they both pledge their loyalty to Jowy, and he embraces them in thanks. Hot. The screen blacks out right when, I’m sure, the porno music was about to kick in.
And now we’re back to Barry, who isn’t about to have a ménage-à-trois with anyone. Sigh. On the way back to HoYay Castle, Barry makes a quick stop in the rune shop in Two River, where he finds Jeanne going about her business of being sexy. She tells him this is her “real profession,” which must mean this is a strip club, not a rune shop. Barry, his wits dulled by her gazongas (they’re just too fantastic, he can’t help but look!), asks Jeanne to join his group. She’s all, “Tee hee, okay, sweetcheeks,” and Barry has yet another woman coming to live with him. It’s like he’s being punished by some higher power.
When Barry gets home and enters the war room, Shu, Bear, and Apple are waiting on him. That’s his welcoming party? Barry feels like he’s been gone for a year, and like he’s aged thirty more, and only three people are here to welcome him home? Laughable. Shu welcomes Teresa to HoYay, but she’s feeling too emo to be gracious, simply asking if she could be alone and have some time to write poetry think.
The truth comes out!
But someone is there to make her forget all her troubles–it’s Shin! He comes in and addresses her, “Lord Teresa.” I’m sure it’s a typo, but wouldn’t it explain so much if Teresa were really a man? This is a theory I could get behind (and I’m sure Shin could too, if you follow me). Big Gay Fitcher is with Shin, and explains that he helped get Teresa’s bitch to safety. “There are many secret paths in Greenhill,” Fitcher explains. I thought there was exactly one secret path, but never mind me. Flik comes forward, all impressed with Fitcher that he got Shin out of there. Fitcher smirks and says, “Oh, it wasn’t just Shin…” Cue Nina! It takes her about a second and a half to get from the door to within an inch of Flik’s face. “Sir Flik! I thought that maybe, the way I acted, I was being a nuisance to you… But… But, I know now that I simply have to be by your side!” Oh, this is fabulous. “It’s our destiny… That’s why I followed Fitcher. I won’t be a nuisance! That reminds me…I made dinner for you! Hurry, hurry! Your soup is getting cold!” And she drags Flik out of there like a caveman dragging his woman by the hair. I love her. So, so much.
Shu utters a long string of ellipses in response to that display, before telling Barry that he should get some rest. Oh, he will. In Shu’s bed.
That night, Barry wakes up in his own bed. I can see that Shu is next door, wide awake at his desk, probably waiting for Barry to show up with some whip cream and chocolate sauce, but Nanami is there to run interference. As soon as Barry exits his room she pushes him back inside, citing his need for a good night’s sleep. For a moment, Barry thinks it might be a good thing that there are all these chicks around here–if Nanami would just get laid herself, she might ease up on him a little bit. He should schedule her for a “rune reading session” with Jeanne.
A black screen takes us to another meeting of the Highland commanders. Prince Adolf is very pleased with Jowy for taking Greenhill, even though he didn’t capture Teresa. Adolf remembers that he promised Jowy some kind of boon for this accomplishment, so he asks what Jowy wants. Jowy takes a deep breath (i.e., ellipses ahoy!) and says, “I want your sister, Princess Jillia, as my wife…..” Either Jowy is up to something, or sex with Richard and Julia was not very satisfying.
Prince Adolf is taken aback. “Jillia…my sister??? Hoo Hoo Hoo Ha Ha Ha!!! Why you LITTLE punk!!!!!!” he yells. I really shouldn’t rag Nanami like I do–Adolf is much, much worse. Adolf goes on, in a more muted tone, “You’ve got balls, I’ll say that. Would you like me to remove your head from your shoulders with this blade?” Jowy could answer, “No, you should use that blade over there, this one isn’t sharp enough,” but that might not be smart at this juncture. Instead he replies, “No, my lord. But I know that His Majesty does not take an oath lightly. Also……I’ve got an idea.” It’d better be some idea if it involves you marrying a girl, Jowy. Or has he gone to the dark side? Should I start calling him Darth Jowy? Whatever this idea is, Jowy doesn’t want to say it in front of the other commanders, so he promises to lay it out for Adolf later, in private. Hopefully not like that. There are quite enough fanfictions out there about that pairing.
The next morning at HoYay Castle, Nanami informs Barry that there’s another meeting. “Lords [Bear] and Shu are already waiting,” she says. Lord Bear? That just sounds weird, especially coming from Nanami. Whatever, he’s not going to think about what’s wrong with her–he’s still mad at her for cockblocking him last night.
Barry heads downstairs and gathers up his collection of Old Books from the warehouse. He lugs them to the newly built library, where he finds Emilia, sharing a room on the second floor with Templton and his goddamn map. Yeah, Emilia got out of Greenhill too, but no one saw fit to mention it. Where Shin and Nina had to go reunite with their lovers (or imaginary lovers, in Nina’s case), Emilia just found a room and settled in out of sight. And with so many ladies flashing their goods at him from every direction, Barry can’t help but admire that. He hands off his books to Emilia and leaves in a better mood.
Barry’s supposed to go to this meeting, but it starts the next chain of events, and I’d say this recap has gotten quite long enough. So we’ll leave it for next time. In part 12, we’ll have more recruiting and more traveling to “exotic” destinations. But there will be plenty more hot men this time around, I swear! It will be Barry’s dream sausage party come true. See you then!