Jowy and the Prick spot Nanami first, and then Flik, Barry, and the others. When the “How could you?!” finally escapes Barry’s lips (that’s not what he says verbatim, but it may as well be), Jowy issues nothing but ellipses in response. Not that anything short of “Baby, I’m so sorry! I’ll make it up to you! Let’s go to Outback and share some cheese fries tonight!” would have appeased Barry at this point. He may as well stay silent.
The Prick, obviously recognizing Barry and Nanami, starts moving in to capture them, but from the crowd, Big Gay Fitcher shouts, “Hey, you people!! Capture them!! Spies!! They’re spies!! There will be rewards!!” In the mob confusion over all those exclamation points, Barry’s group manages to slip away. The Prick runs off to pursue them, while Jowy stands alone, all “Barry…” Damn you, Jowy! Go find your man and kiss him, already!
KISS HIM, DAMMIT!!!
Once the Prick is gone, Richard and Julia show up to gossip with Jowy. “That’s the leader of the Yaoi Army, isn’t it…The one that defeated Kiba at Two River,” Richard breathes. It wasn’t Barry that won at Two River! It was U-N-I-T-Y! Get it right. Julia asks Daddy Jowy if they can join in the pursuit as well, but Jowy says the Prick will take care of it. Given that Jowy knows first-hand how incompetent the Prick is in these sorts of situations, it’s obvious that he’s taking this stance precisely because he wants to let his man get away. Which is sweet, if you ignore how Jowy has put our boy through the emotional wringer.
As the party escapes toward the school–yeah, run back toward Teresa’s hideout, that won’t give away her whereabouts!–they are periodically run down by Highland soldiers. Naturally, none of these trained military men are any match for my powerhouse group of skinny teenagers and wild animals. As for getting back to Teresa, Flik “reasons” that they have to save her now, sneering, “As if their promises can be believed!” Why not? If they want to have a bargaining chip in Teresa, she has to be alive. They have no reason to kill her, and plenty of reasons not to kill her. Nothing has really changed, except that now they’re going to attempt to get Teresa out of Greenhill in broad daylight and with mobs of people trying to find her. Good going, guys.
NO!!!!!
The run to Teresa’s log cabin is pretty uneventful, other than the stops to fight Highland soldiers and Flik’s need to wax exposition about Jowy to Barry, who probably wants nothing more right now than to go home and watch Oprah while drowning himself in a bowl of Ben & Jerry’s. But the party is in for a shock when they bust into the log cabin only to find Nina pleading with Teresa to flee. Of Nina and Flik, it’s hard to tell which one is more surprised that the other is there. Though where Nina’s reaction is surprise and delight (she even thinks, at first, that Flik is there to see her), Flik’s is one of surprise and abject terror. He looks like he wants to just run straight out the front door again, pursuing Highlanders be damned.
Shin explains that Nina has been helping him in secret since Teresa went into hiding. “Whenever I needed supplies, she would buy them…I fear I would have stood out too much.” Gee, you think? And if that’s the case, why was he strolling about town, out in the open, all the time? Whatever, it doesn’t matter–she’s here and she’s totally going to join the Yaoi Army and make Flik miserable, which makes up for any logic issues going on here.
When Nina asks what Flik is doing there, he approaches Teresa and says, “We’ve come to get you, Lady Teresa, and escape. The situation has changed. This time, if we must, we will use force…” One, how has the situation changed for her? The Highland Army was looking for her last night, and they are still looking for her today. The only thing that’s changed is that these morons, in their haste to escape themselves, have led the enemy directly to her hideout. This is asinine.
Teresa has already heard from Nina about the situation in town, but she is still unwilling to leave. “I will be the cause of no more suffering for my people,” she says, pausing a moment to adjust her crown of thorns. “Once they have captured me, Highland’s oppression of Greenhill will end…I have no other options.”
Okay, just to review: the town is under siege and will remain so, whether or not Teresa is captured. No one said anything about lifting the siege, or “oppression” if you like, from Greenhill if Teresa is found. A reward of cash and immunity was promised to the person who finds her, and that’s all. So…this is stupid. Really stupid. And even using Teresa’s logic, if she didn’t want her people to suffer, why didn’t she turn herself in immediately? Sure, you could argue that she was holding out hope of the town being saved before she would have to show herself, but I think she just wanted to make as big a melodramatic spectacle of her capture as humanly possible. As if to confirm my theory, when Flik tries to stop Teresa from walking out, she says to him, “If you interfere, I will take my own life.” So she thinks allowing herself to be captured will solve all of Greenhill’s problems, but is willing to off herself just as easily and by her logic damn them forever? I’m getting more confused by the minute. And then, when Shin says he will accompany her to the Highlanders, she responds, “Then…please bear witness to the end of my life.” WHY WOULD THEY KILL TERESA? WHY IS EVERYONE BEING SO STUPID?
The only conclusion I can draw from all this is that Teresa is an attention-craving, suicidal nutjob, and that her deep emo feelings of guilt over Greenhill’s occupation are giving her a burning desire to make a big old flaming martyr out of herself. Which is about a hundred different kinds of lame, and I wish Flik would try and stop her so she’d just kill herself right here, with only a handful of people to witness it instead of the hundreds she is no doubt craving.
I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but I am not a Teresa fan.
Everyone stands aside to let Teresa and Shin pass, and they only start shouting about how foolish she’s being after she leaves. Typical. Nina, near spritely tears, shouts to no one in particular about how awesome Teresa is and how she didn’t wish the Muse soldiers ill, even when they ganked the food supply from her people. “I can’t stand by and watch someone with such a kind heart die!!” she screams, running out the door. Nanami insists that they follow, because this development means they’re “not out of the game yet.” What, because Nina is going to try and stop this, they have a chance? Please. They could have stopped it themselves. Or better yet, they could just LEAVE NOW and give Greenhill, its mayor, and its people the middle finger. But that would be smart and easy.
It is a frantic chase back to town, and one remarkably devoid of Highland soldiers. Of course, they could be gone because they found Teresa and took her into custody, but as we see when the group reaches the entrance of the school, Teresa is only here and now confronting the Prick and his men. Two possible explanations: 1) Teresa and Shin slipped by the soldiers in the forest because they wanted to be sure to be captured in front of Teresa’s adoring public, or 2) the Magic Plot Wizards cleared all those soldiers who were specifically looking for her out of the way. Actually, both of these things must have happened, since the soldiers weren’t around when Barry came through either. I give up on this sequence of events. Let’s just pretend it all makes sense so I can live through it.
The Prick spouts a bunch of cocky shit to Teresa like he’s some kind of big man for accepting her as a willing captive. But Shin isn’t about to stand for this shit. He keeps the Highland soldiers from grabbing Teresa, despite her protests to let them feel her up as much as they like. “The House of Wisemail is no more, so I am no longer acting mayor,” she says to him. “You have no reason to be doing this.” That’s what I’ve been saying about what she’s doing, but never mind that–the cavalry is here! If Barry and his goofy militia can be called the cavalry. They take out a few waves of Highland troops over Teresa’s pleas to stop the violence. Everyone present is long past caring what she thinks.
But that doesn’t stop her from whining! She doesn’t want to be responsible for any more trouble! Wah wah everything-is-about-me-cakes! And now Nina enters the scene from the path leading to town, all “Trouble…? Trouble?! Trouble to who!?” How the hell did Nina get past the Prick before Teresa got here? Wait, ignoring it…ignoring it…ahh. Better. Anyway, Nina’s brought the whole town with her, and they’re there to help Nina give Teresa the popsicle treatment. Oh, hooray.
Again, Teresa seems to believe that her capture (or death, whatever) will solve all of Greenhill’s problems. Nina has a lot to say on this subject, and I’m just going to let her have at it: “You think everyone will be happy!? Lady Teresa, at least believe in us the same way we believed in you, fought for you… Everyone, everyone… When we lost… When we led Greenhill to defeat with our own hands…that battle wounded us inside!! Knowing that, will you still hand yourself over to the Highland Army? Will you really cause the citizens of Greenhill more pain?! You may lose battles… You may even lose your town… But there is something more important than that that you CANNOT lose!! Please… Do not lose that…Lady Teresa…” For my part, I am losing my fucking mind recapping all this. I don’t know whether to praise Nina for handing Teresa a reality check, or to rip on her due to the syrupy, tongue-bath nature of said reality check. I can’t make up my mind, so let’s just move on so this scene will fucking end already.
Stirred by Nina’s words (ugh), the townspeople, as well as the remaining Muse soldiers, band together to protect Teresa and help her escape. They all basically tell her that it’s cool if she has to skip town to save her own ass, because they will love her forever and ever and she will always be the acting mayor of their hearts. Please kill me. Teresa is touched, touched, by her people’s love for her: “I understand… And I promise…I will return to Greenhill…I will once again walk these streets…I will once again breathe this air… And my lips will once again call this town’s name! Wait for me…I will return!” I think that was out of her book of poetry. She probably had this all planned out, with one page in her diary labeled “Beautiful poetic words before my escape” and the other “Beautiful poetic words before my death.” Teresa’s not dumb–she had a contingency plan for this whole martyrdom thing.
As the townspeople (and Nina) attempt to divert the Highland troops, Teresa, Shin, and Barry’s group head back toward the forest path. Shin goes on ahead to “clear the path”–of what, I have no idea, as the Highlanders are behind them–and Teresa joins up as a non-combat party member. Quelle surprise. I would have liked to see what kind of fighter she would be, though.
Loading ...When the group reaches the cabin, Shin is already waiting there, because obviously “going ahead to clear the path” means “bailing on the group and eating popcorn at the cabin’s front door.” Of course, the Prick and his men show up right at this moment, because Shin went ahead instead of staying behind and bought them no time at all. Brilliant. The Prick says that the townspeople delayed them pretty well for not having any weapons. I think it would be funny if they never took back the weapons from the Muse soldiers and then got their asses kicked by their own Trojan horse.
Nanami hops up and down and calls the Prick “awful” a few times, like he isn’t called worse than that by all of his colleagues (not to mention me) on a regular basis. He takes that as a compliment from the annoying little girl he’s about to send to “the execution grounds.” Though it’s still more or less obvious that Teresa herself is in no danger of being physically harmed, Shin steps forward to protect his lady. Teresa states again that he shouldn’t be doing this because she’s not the mayor anymore, to which he replies, “My loyalty lies not with the office of mayor, not with the house of Wisemail…but with you, Lady Teresa.” Duh! As gay as Shin seems on the surface, if he were only serving Teresa out of a sense of civic duty, he would have long bailed on her irritating ass by now. Only deep affection could have kept him around. That or masochism.
Teresa must be really, truly stupid, because she boggles at Shin, all “What are you saying?” Oh my God, he’s in love with you, you moron. Flik, sensing that everyone is a little sick of Teresa’s whining, whacks Teresa in the back of the head and knocks her unconscious. Why can’t this be done to every chattering, brainless character I hate? Couldn’t someone conk Shion out with the butt of a gun when she starts getting shrill? Shriller, I mean? Anyway, Flik slings Teresa over his shoulder and promises Shin that he’ll get her safely away from Greenhill. The party takes off toward the cabin as Shin is spouting some more crap about unleashing Tarantula on his enemies. He should at least buy them dinner first.