The opening credits roll. There are a lot of cute sepia-toned sprite scenes with younger versions of Barry, Jowy, and a girl who must be Nanami. The music is depressing. Afterward, a burly dude with dark hair and a scar on his face kicks Barry awake. Barry’s lying on a river bank, and is surrounded by Scar Dude and a couple random soldiers. Scar Dude determines that Barry is a Highlander, which makes them enemies. Scar Dude is actually Viktor, a local mercenary working for the City-State of Jowston. He is also, as he was three years ago, an overeager, overly macho pain in the ass. Viktor wants to continue with the third degree, but is stopped by another dude, sans the scar. This is Flik. He’s still decked out in the goofy all-blue ensemble, but he’s older and cooler now, and every third word out of his mouth is not “Odessa.” Flik and Viktor mention that they lost “the other one,” making Barry wonder what happened to his boy-toy, but they settle for one prisoner and take Barry back to their fort.
I knew I’d miss Jowy for some reason.
Viktor tosses Barry into a cell and tells him not to whine about the accommodations. To date, has this kid whined about–or even said–anything? Anyway. The next morning he’s roused by Pohl, one of Viktor’s men. I use the term “men” loosely. Pohl comments that Barry is “only a kid,” which makes no sense whatsoever, as Pohl himself looks to be 13 at the oldest. Whatever. Pohl has some chores for Barry; namely, pushing boxes against the wall and picking up loose rope, which are apparently activities too pedestrian for Pohl to bother with himself. Goddamn, what a lazy ass. Meanwhile, Pohl overlooks his own character flaws and disses his fellow soldiers for being good-for-nothings, Viktor included. I think Pohl wants to get his ass kicked. I want his ass kicked, too. Barry diligently does the job, and Pohl lets him eat in exchange. What a barn-burner of a scene.
Finally, some rope! Now Jowy will stop asking for it!
The next day, Pohl has another stupid chore: get “flour,” two pairs of “boots,” and three “flints” and bring them to him. Just like that. Pohl probably wants cocaine. This task is obviously meant to get Barry familiar with the fort, but is that really necessary? It’s not like he’s gonna get lost. Barry meets the storekeeper, Barbara, which is important because she has a portrait. I would have had a hard time remembering how many boots to get from her, but the game designers make it really clear that “2 pairs, please” is the correct answer, as opposed to “Ummm…uhh…1 pair” or “Ummm…uhh…3 pairs.” Ditto for the blacksmith, who hands over the “flints.” But alas, the item store guy–who doesn’t have a portrait, and therefore doesn’t matter–is out of “flour.” Pohl wigs out over this latest development and sends Barry to Leona, who will set him up with a traveling party for his flour run to Ryube Village. A flour run. Jeebus. Couldn’t they at least send him for beer?
Leona turns out to be the saucy brunette chick at the bar. She acts as if sending Barry to Ryube is the most annoying thing that’s ever been asked of her. Sorry to interrupt your nail-filing, wench. Leona summons Gengen, a mind-numbingly moronic kobold. I’d come up with a nickname for him, but a name as stupid as “Gengen” suits my purposes just fine. Gengen gets all snotty about “baby-sitting” Barry, until Leona turns on her burlesque house-style charm. Gengen gets even more indignant when Tuta, a doctor’s assistant kid with no obvious gender–though he is actually a boy–begs to come along to Ryube, too. Yay. I bet the braindead kobold and the ambiguously male kid are going to be KICK-ASS party members.
Outside the fortress, Gengen tells Tuta and Barry that he’s in charge of this merry expedition, and therefore they should address him as Captain Gengen. Tuta is Gengen’s number one fan or something, so he complies. But Barry is a MAN! Gengen shrugs off Barry’s refusal to say “Yes, Captain Gengen,” and the group–such as it is–heads northeast for Ryube.
Once there, Tuta begs his hero Captain Gengen to let them have some “fun” in the village …What? This place is a freaking HOLE. What in the hell kinda fun can be had here, other than chasing chickens and dogs around? Add to this that Tuta is from Muse, the largest freaking city in Jowston. What a goober. Barry ignores him and goes straight to the item shop for some “flour.” The item shop lady gives them flour. What the hell?! I wanted “flour”! I feel so ripped off. Screwing me with this generic crap. Their purchase completed, Tuta asks AGAIN for some fun hijinks while they’re in the village. Can’t you take a fucking hint, kid?! Nonetheless, the party engages in “fun” activities like weapon-sharpening and antitoxin-buying. Scintillating. There are some “important” characters hanging around, but I want to make sure Tuta has no fun whatsoever, so they’ll have to wait until I come back again.
Back to the fort, with a few random battle interludes. Tuta attacks by throwing rocks. Pathetically enough, he does more damage that way than Gengen does with his sword. Thanks a lot for the great party, Leona. The threesome parts ways inside, leaving Barry alone to deal with Wanker Pohl. Poor guy.
‘Well, if you have any more boxes to push, I’m your guy.’
More stupid chores the next day: this time, Barry has to wipe up oil spills around the fort with a rag. Lord only knows why there are random oil spots all over the floor. Viktor must have parked his Mustang in here one night by accident. This third pointless day of labor completed, Barry is left to himself. He hears a ruckus outside, and then Jowy calling to him. I make him answer back, and Jowy rushes over and unlocks his cell. He’s tempted to lock them both back in there for some “quality time,” but the escape is temporarily more important. They run upstairs and are immediately caught by Viktor and Flik. Jeez, Jowy sucks at this rescuing stuff.
In the large conference room on the second floor, Flik gets Jowy’s name, rank, and serial number. Viktor wants to know the real deal with the “ambush” by the “City-State,” so Barry, being the traitorous snitch he is, tells them about Prince Adolf’s grand plan. The news is alarming to the mercs, but Viktor’s more concerned at the moment with keeping a firm hold on his prisoners. Back in the clink for our heroes.
Jesus God, another Pohl scene. He chastises little Barry for trying to escape, even though anyone would want to, if they were forced to be Pohl’s errand boy. Jowy asks for a spoon, making Pohl chastise him for daring to want a fine thing like utensils. Tool.