Chie basically repeats the group’s current objective, and then Yosuke’s all, “Girl, welcome to five minutes ago.” When they inevitably start bickering again–honestly, if I didn’t know better I’d say there was definite sexual tension there–Yukiko breaks into a laughing fit, complete with watery eyes and much thigh-slapping. It wasn’t that funny, but I laugh at unfunny things too, so I guess I can relate. While Yukiko gives herself a hernia, Chie goes, “By the way, that guy we saw? I get the feeling I’ve seen him before…pretty recently, too…” Yosuke agrees, which not only indicates that they both saw the recent news report, but also takes this entire setup into a whole other realm of ridiculousness. So, now we’re supposed to believe that despite seeing Kanji on the news broadcast, none of the group managed to identify him when he showed up on the Midnight Channel the very next night? I know these guys aren’t the sharpest tools in the box, but surely even they can’t be THAT dumb.

‘Whatever it is, the answer’s YES!’

Gary spends a second night watching the Midnight Channel, which yields exactly the same results as last time. In this instance, it’s Yosuke who initiates the late-night call, and he and Gary both agree that the guy on the TV couldn’t be anyone but Kanji. Thank the Lord for that–I honestly thought we were in for an entire week of the party going, “HMMM, THAT PERSON LOOKED FAMIILIAR. I WONDER WHO IT COULD BE!?!?” Now that they finally have a lead–and keep in mind that this was the easy part–Yosuke deems it appropriate to ask Gary an off-topic question. My ears instantly prick up, especially because he’s displaying The Wink again. But I shouldn’t have gotten excited. Of all the things Yosuke could possibly want to ask Gary during a late-night phone call (I’m sure you can use your imaginations), he chooses to query the following: “So…what do you think about Yukiko and Chie? I mean, let’s not mince words: which one’s your type?” Naturally, this is a trick question and he’s just trying to establish with absolute certainty that Gary isn’t into girls. So, Gary tells him what he wants to hear and honestly answers, “Neither.” Breathing a sigh of relief, Yosuke says he understands and then assures Gary that this conversation will be their little secret. Well, that’s good to know–I was worried he was going to broadcast it on local radio or something. Gary goes to bed feeling like a huge weight has been lifted. Now that both he and Yosuke know exactly where they stand, their relationship should be plain sailing from here on out. Sure, it’s been something of a rocky road, but Gary feels they’ve finally turned a corner. And people said they wouldn’t last!

The action just isn’t letting up in this recap, because the next day picks up in the middle of a group gossip-fest–the subject, of course, being one Kanji Tatsumi. “The one who was on last night…it’s THAT guy, right?” Chie starts us off. I’m just going to pretend she never said that and move swiftly on to other, less moronic contributions. Oh, I kill me. The Scooby Gang spends a few minutes exchanging notes on how SCAAARY Kanji seems, accurately judging that the news report didn’t paint him in the friendliest light. “You mean the special on biker gangs?” Yukiko wonders. No, they’re talking about the special on single-cell lifeforms in the Samegawa River. Seriously, unless Kanji’s a fame whore who frequently pops up on random TV reports, why would she even need to ask that?

Ah, alcohol. All better now. Once she’s finished posing unnecessary questions, Yukiko drops a sudden bombshell: she knows Kanji from when they were younger. The screen fills with exclamation points, none of which are bigger than mine. This is getting sillier by the second. I was already finding it a challenge to suspend my disbelief, but now it’s been revealed that Yukiko already knows Kanji, it’s absolutely beyond the pale to suggest that she wouldn’t have been able to identify him the other night. “We haven’t talked to one another in a long time,” she adds, like that makes this situation any easier for me to buy. I have acquaintances I haven’t spoken to in several years, but I’d still like to think I’d remember who the fuck they were if they suddenly popped up on my TV one day. And no, the image on the Midnight Channel wasn’t all that blurry, before anyone writes me an angry email arguing that everything about this makes perfect sense. As the scene plods on, we discover that the textile shop owned by Kanji’s mother is a regular supplier of the Amagi Inn, and Yukiko therefore speaks to Ms Tatsumi from time to time. I think we’ve just identified our next course of action, and the game didn’t even have to make a dozen heavy-handed pointers, either. Surely this can’t be right.

Cut to the interior of Tatsumi Textiles. Somebody’s leaving as the group arrives, and from the two lines of voice-acting we get to hear from him, he sounds oddly like a middle-aged woman attempting to imitate a teenage boy’s voice. That’s quite an interesting choice of voice actor. At first glance, the youth in question–a “Slender young man”, according to the text box–seems fairly generically attractive, but he doesn’t really do anything for Gary. Usually, he’d be all over the smart dress sense, glossy blue hair and delicate bone structure, but this guy doesn’t stir up any carnal thoughts at all. It’s probably because Gary only has eyes for Yosuke again. As the dapper young man leaves the store, the others all turn in unison and follow him with their eyes. It’s faintly amusing and more than a little creepy. Yosuke calls him a “weirdo”, for no obvious reason other than the fact he was wearing a hat, and then Chie mentions never having seen him before. If it were anyone else saying that, I’d naturally assume the dude’s new in town, but come on–going off these guys’ track record, he’s probably in their class at school.

Remembering they came here for a reason, Yukiko takes the lead and starts talking to Ms Tatsumi. As she and Gary exchange pleasantries through the medium of mime–I have no idea why the game’s just decided to gloss over this part of the conversation, when it never usually needs a reason to be excessively verbose–Chie gets bored and starts checking out the textiles on display. Her eyes are drawn to a scarf draped over a display case, and as her brain slowly whirs into action, she says it looks familiar. Yosuke wanders over to see what the fuss is about, and as soon as he catches sight of the scarf he recognizes the material from somewhere too. It takes a while for the cogs inside their skulls to start slowly turning, but after a few painful moments they remember exactly where they saw the scarf–inside the TV world’s Boudoir Full of Crazy. “Are you acquaintances of Ms Yamano?” Ms Tatsumi asks, right on cue. I suppose that’s an easy conclusion to draw, since Mayumi did seem to have her share of “acquaintances”, but Gary’s not sure how to answer. I think, “Well, we didn’t actually know her, but we’re a bunch of schoolkids investigating her murder and a series of related kidnappings wherein the victims ended up trapped inside the TV” would raise too many questions. Yosuke manages to bluff an answer, which Ms Tatsumi finds genuine enough to start spilling the beans on her deceased former customer–Mayumi did, in fact, buy her scarf from here. Having given the group something to mull over, she makes her excuses and leaves to deal with an incoming delivery. B-but wait–they didn’t even have a chance to ask you about your delinquent son yet!

Surely that depends on how hideous the scarf actually is?

Even though Kanji’s the whole reason for them coming here, it seems he’s been forgotten now that this vital piece of evidence has come to light. Yes, that was sarcasm. Yosuke declares that the scarf must be the previously undiscovered link between the Tatsumis and the initial murder. That’s…a pretty flimsy link, but let’s just go with it. As they leave the store, no doubt en route to their special headquarters to discuss the incriminating scarf for several hours, they notice Kanji on the other side of the street. What’s more, he’s deep in conversation with the peculiar youth from earlier. For some reason, they decide that they need to hide–what, they couldn’t just pretend to be regular customers?–and they do so by huddling against the wall right next to the shop door. He’ll never see them there! Unless he, like, happens to glance in the general direction of his mother’s shop, but I guess they’ll cross that bridge if and when they get to it.

I apologize for this, but I’m about to indulge in a little fanwanking. This is never confirmed anywhere in the game, but from now on I’m going to work on the assumption that acquiring Personas also results in the user’s senses being heightened. Because there’s really no other way to explain how the Scooby Gang hears the ensuing conversation from way across the street. We can assume that Slender Young Man asks Kanji to meet him somewhere tomorrow, because he replies, “T-tomorrow’s fine with me…” Pleased to hear this, Slender Young Man confirms, “Then I’ll meet you at the gates outside school tomorrow.” Apparently not one for small talk, he then turns and walks away, leaving Kanji talking to himself in disbelief. “D-did he say he was interested…?” he gasps, self-consciously rubbing the back of his head. “He’s a guy…and I’m a guy…but…he’s interested in me…?” Well, this sheds an interesting light on proceedings. Feeling eight eyes boring into the back of his skull, he spins round and notices the Scooby Gang watching him from the well-lit area next to the shadows. Not happy that someone’s been blatantly eavesdropping on the arrangements for his hot date, he yells, “What the hell are you pricks looking at!?” and then hilariously chases them off.

I can’t be the only one half-expecting him to break into a song and dance routine.

Once they’re satisfied that Kanji isn’t going to appear from around the corner and knock their heads together, the group stops to catch their breath. “The one on TV last night was definitely Kanji-kun,” Yukiko feels the need to reiterate. Someone, please make her stop. Ignoring her, Yosuke raises an interesting point, albeit one that was already brought up a while ago. If Kanji is indeed the killer’s next intended victim, then the group was clearly mistaken in believing that only females are being targeted. “But if that’s true, then the killer’s motive makes no sense at all!” wails Chie. Just add it to the ever-growing pile of things in this game that make no sense whatsoever. “Y’think we’re on the wrong track?” asks Yosuke. “Maybe even the first case had nothing to do with grudges or revenge…” I’m telling you, Mayumi Yamano was killed because of her appalling taste in neckwear. There’s a reason none of the other scarves matching hers have been sold. The group bashes its collective head against the proverbial brick wall for a few minutes, and then Chie suggests something that really should have occurred to them long before now–asking Kanji himself if anything weird has happened to him lately. They agree to do this by staking him out like a bunch of stalkers. This is going to end well.

Now that the unimportant stuff’s been taken care of, Yosuke asks Yukiko for her number. Weirdly, the game tries to put a suggestive spin on this, when it’s plain as day that he simply didn’t have her number. Christ, if we’re to believe the game designers, even gay guys can’t resist Yukiko. While they’re on the subject of phones, Chie begs Yosuke to stop calling her up at night to tell dirty jokes. “You really sound like a pervert!” she accuses. Gary wishes Yosuke would call him up at night more often, even if it is just to tell dirty jokes. Why is he wasting his time and side-splitting jokes on someone who obviously doesn’t appreciate the effort? I mean, dude, Gary’s right there, and he’d welcome both the dirty jokes and the perversion. “Oh…that reminds me. I need to buy tofu on my way home,” Yukiko chirps out of the blue. Where the hell did that come from? Don’t ask me why the concept of perversion reminds her of tofu–to be honest, it’s not something I really want to think about too much–but I suppose we had to wrap up this scene somehow.

We next see the Scooby Gang stationed outside the school gates the following afternoon. The stake-out of Kanji begins, with the group acting like they’re taking part in a military operation. There’s talk of “the target”–aka Kanji–and other such guff, including his packed lunch being referred to as “mother-issued rations”. It’s kind of silly, but I’m still laughing along with them, so I guess I’m part of the problem. Yosuke confirms that Kanji’s current location is “the bathroom, fixing his hair.” Oh, this is cute. I bet he polished his bullet necklace for the occasion, too. Eventually, Kanji makes his appearance, just in time for Slender Young Man to approach the gates. After a few nervous words from both parties, they leave on their date, and the group prepares to follow them. Uh, ever heard of privacy, guys?

He was probably nervous because he caught you checking him out at the urinal.

Remembering that someone needs to keep an eye on the textiles shop in case the killer drops by, the party splits into two teams. Naturally, Yosuke wants to keep tabs on the date between Kanji and his gentleman friend, and Chie invites herself along with him. Trying to think of a cover story in case they’re rumbled, Yosuke suggests pretending they’re on a date of their own. Realizing that neither of them possess the acting skills to make that look convincing, Chie immediately vetoes the idea. The two of them rush off, leaving Gary and Yukiko to watch the textiles shop. Yukiko worries about what will happen if the killer does turn up, but promises Gary she’ll do all she can if it comes to that. “I mean…I’m sure there’s something I can do…” she says, gazing down at her feet. Yeah, Gary’s not feeling the conviction here. In fact, he’d probably feel more confident about matters if Ayane were standing here with him instead. And that’s truly sad. Unfortunately, Yukiko’s nerves appear to have activated her rarely-seen blabbermouth mode, and now she can’t stop talking. “I’ve never chatted with a boy my age like this before,” she reveals. Don’t even go there, game. We’ve already been through this–Gary rides the other bus, and no amount of forced “moments” with female characters is going to change his mind. Because she’s pretty much the only important character who hasn’t become one yet, Yukiko’s unveiled as the Priestess Social Link. Fine, as long as everyone’s aware that Gary’s never going to pray at her altar.