All that training has given Gary an appetite, so he heads straight to the fridge when he arrives home. The only thing left is a packet of white miso which, according to the all-knowing IN, was once red miso. This is where I out myself as an uncultured philistine with a crude Western palate, but my only experience with miso of any colour ended with me spitting it out and swearing never to touch it again. However, I’m reliably informed that the miso in Dojima’s fridge is past its expiry date. Despite this, Gary ignores his instincts and chows down on it anyway, ending up with a burning tongue and stinging eyes. This masochistic action results in a huge spike in his Courage, which I’m sure is some consolation to the fact that he can currently feel his throat closing up. He’s still clinging on to the hope that one day, opening that accursed fridge door won’t end in disaster.

The out-of-date miso has made poor Gary feel so ill that he goes straight to bed. Fortunately, he’s feeling much better the next morning, and wakes to the sound of rain hammering against his window. The Invisible Narrator draws our attention to the sudden downpour, which shouldn’t be a surprise because he feels the need to pass comment on fucking everything, but this is actually the game’s way of saying, “GO AND RESCUE YUKIKO, DUMBASS!” Since I’m way ahead of them in that regard, I’m just going to put it down to the IN being unable to shut his trap for more than five minutes.

Today is one of those lovely days where we get to skip right over the entire school period, so Gary’s soon frolicking down to the shopping district, umbrella in hand. None of his friends or love interests are around, and he isn’t really up for an afternoon of watching cartoons with Nanako, so he opts to kill some time by grabbing a bite to eat at Aiya, the local Chinese diner. The sign outside tells of a special rainy-day promotion–if Gary can finish a 3,000 yen “Mega Beef Bowl”, he’ll get it for free. The thought of eating so much beef makes him feel a little queasy, but the Invisible Narrator’s latest interjection piques his interest: “You think this dish will raise several ‘characteristics’…” The inverted commas make Gary wonder just what ‘characteristics’ are being referred to here, and he could really do with a free meal, so he chooses to accept the challenge. He just hopes and prays that Yosuke won’t come in here while he’s suffering from the meat sweats–definitely not a good look.

I can’t help hearing this in Adam Richman’s voice.

When we pick up the action in the diner, Man v. Food, Inaba Edition seems to be going quite well. Oh, wait, Gary still hasn’t penetrated the thick layer of beef far enough to see the rice underneath. And he’s apparently been doing this for quite some time. Don’t mind me, I’m just the vegetarian cringing in the corner. As Gary inhales the equivalent of an entire cow, the IN remarks that his bowl seems to be “a portal to the Meat Dimension.” If I remember correctly, I thought that was a bonus dungeon the first time I played the game. Maybe in the next expanded re-release Atlus puts out before making Persona 5. “In order to finish this bowl, you must have Understanding of your limits, Knowledge to control your pace, Courage to face this unrelenting tide of beef, and Diligence to persevere against this colossal challenge…” the IN wanks. You forgot “and the Stomach of a blue whale”, but never mind.

Unsurprisingly, the lean and svelte Gary isn’t used to gorging on such vast quantities of food, so is unable to complete the challenge. He ends up paying 3,000 yen he can’t really afford, and he’ll have to spend an hour on the treadmill tomorrow to compensate for his gluttony, but he did boost three of his stats in the process, so at least he got something out of it. He goes home, presumably using a motorized shopping cart, and then spends his evening studying. Such is the nonstop thrill ride of Gary’s life.

Someone’s probably written a pornfic about this.

Thursday the 28th is another washout, so he trudges to school feeling blue (not to mention bloated, after yesterday’s overindulgence). Chie comes bounding up to him, squeeing that Yukiko will be allowed back to school in a few days. While he’s happy she’s going to get her lovers’ reunion soon, it’s an all-too painful reminder of his own shaky relationship; he and Yosuke haven’t spoken since the rooftop incident, and with each day that passes Gary is less inclined to make the first move. He’s hurt, dammit. How can Yosuke pay such little regard to his feelings?

The remainder of the school day passes without incident, and once the bell rings he dashes to the music room. Ayane accosted him during lunch and reminded him about band practice this afternoon, and to his own surprise he’s actually been looking forward to it since then. With the way his life is currently going, he quite fancies himself as the classic tortured troubadour who expresses his angst through music. Come on, he had to go through at least one moody teen phase sooner or later, and this is as good as any.

Unfortunately, it emerges that Gary’s instrument of choice is a trumpet. I don’t think it’s a huge surprise to any of us that he plumped for something which involves blowing, but it’s not exactly a piano or acoustic guitar in the romantic confessional stakes. Midway through practice, Mike scolds Ayane for being flat (I think he’s referring to her trombone, not cruelly passing judgment on her undeveloped figure), causing her cheeks to momentarily blind the rest of the band. Afterwards, she and Gary once again find themselves clearing up everyone else’s clutter. Uh oh, potential shoehorned romantic moment at 12 o’clock!

As it happens, Ayane wants to commend Gary’s trumpet playing–it seems he’s quite the virtuoso, despite never having picked one up until today. Some people are just gifted, I guess. As soon as the compliment leaves her mouth, she starts burning up and apologizing, like even her praise is inadequate. Jeez, Ayane. I get that you’re young and super-shy and that Gary is probably your first crush, but it’s still annoying. Gary wants to give the poor girl a pep talk in the hope that she’ll eventually grow a sense of self-worth, but isn’t sure how to phrase things. He does have the option of shattering her confidence altogether with a cruel, “Maybe you should give up [playing]”, but even in his worst mood he couldn’t be that callous. It would be like kicking a puppy with an inferiority complex and a bad haircut.

Gary’s first motivational speech has mixed results.

Things are starting to get a little awkward, so he breaks the silence by spouting some clichéd piffle about making an effort. Personally, he isn’t sure any amount of effort will help Ayane, but it seems to light a fire under her–she stands up straight, all Resolved Face, and vows, “You’re right! Just because I’m talentless doesn’t mean I should give up!” Ayane, I don’t think that’s quite what Gary mea-oh, fuck it. There’s clearly still work to be done here, but this is as much as Gary or I can handle for one day. As soon as the Sun Social Link hits Level 2, he makes a break for freedom and leaves Ayane to stew in her own lack of self-belief.

NOPE

Once back home, Gary–all together now–studies for a while and then goes to bed. Oh my God, his evenings are SO BORING when there’s nobody to rescue from inside the TV. He’s actually kind of hoping the killer will get a move on and choose his next victim, not that he’d ever admit this to the others. The next day is a public holiday, Showa Day, so he has even more time to kill. It’s still raining like he’s in fucking Seattle (or the UK), so he can’t even hang out with any of his friends. Though he’s loath to ingest any more beef after his visit to Aiya the other day, it’s pretty much the only way he’s able to pass the time until evening. He hates himself once he’s done, given that he’s another 3,000 yen lighter and around 4 pounds heavier, and to make matters worse, he still couldn’t finish the fucking challenge. I think this is an early contender for the Least Productive Day Ever Award.

When evening falls, we cut to the Dojimas’ living room to see a strange man reclining on the couch. Oh, wait, it’s just Hot Uncle. Gary, Nanako and I had kind of forgotten what he looked like. After watching the sledgehammery weather forecast (there’s FOG tomorrow!), he asks Nanako if she wants to do anything special during Golden Week. Out of all the possible destinations to choose, she says she only wants to go to Walmart. Man, if only all kids were so easily pleased. “You sure you want to go to [Walmart]? We can go there any time…” her dad reasons. Yeah, like on the four days out of every month when you’re actually at home. He tells her it’s time for bed, but she’s so excited at the prospect of visiting the hallowed halls of Walmart that she can’t resist breaking into another rendition of the advertising jingle. I’m spared by a timely fade-out, but Gary and Hot Uncle aren’t quite so lucky.

Well, someone has to be.

Because the fog’s setting in, Gary figures he should check the Midnight Channel, even though he already knows it’s unlikely anybody will show up. After a few minutes of intense gazing into the static, he’s satisfied that he can call off the search for tonight. “Since Yukiko was rescued, it seems the killer was thwarted this time…” the IN explains. I’m so glad he’s here to point this stuff out, because I’d be completely dumbfounded otherwise. But there’s more. As Gary drifts off into the land of dreams, we see a brief scene of the fog-shrouded shopping district. It’s…someone standing outside in the fog! Dun-dun-DUN! I think I need a few stiff drinks to cope with the shock. We don’t find out who this mysterious person is, and I’m not sure if we’re supposed to assume it’s the murderer or someone else prowling around suspiciously in the dead of night. Hell, maybe it’s just a local drunkard (the Piano Theme of Mystery and Skullduggery is playing in the background, so probably not).

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A few seconds later, this Silent Hill-esque scene ends and Gary’s approaching the school gates the next morning. Yukiko’s waiting there to apologize for causing so much trouble for him and the others–yes, Yukiko, it was totally your fault that a maniac attacked you and trapped you inside the TV–and reveals that she’s a lot more laid-back about things now, having had a lot of time to reflect on her life. It’s nice to see her back on her feet, and Gary’s pleased she seems happier in herself now, but it’s too early in the morning for all this shit. He has classes to sleep through! “You guys saw everything…” Yukiko blushes. “Even the things I didn’t want to admit…” It’s okay, honey, everybody already knew about you and Chie. Oh, right, she’s talking about the innermost thoughts her Shadow broadcast to the world. Speaking of Chie, Yukiko sees her approaching and very tactfully tells Gary to beat it. Fine, he knows when he’s not wanted. You girls enjoy your “reunion”.

Looks like Yukiko’s legendary allure has no upper age limit.

Hold on to your hats–we’re about to witness our first Yasogami High Geography lesson. Okay, it actually turns out to be somewhat memorable, but for all the wrong reasons. Mr Yamada, a middle-aged teacher I don’t even remember from my previous playthrough, opens by leering, “Hm? Yukiko-san is back. That’s good, I’m glad the only cutie in the class was able to return.” What in the actual fuck. Am I reading that right? Realizing he’s just exposed himself as an ephebophile, he tries to backpedal and only succeeds in making things ten times worse: “Ooops! I mean all of you are cute! No, really!” As everyone in class sits there impassively, not seeming to hear any of this flesh-crawling dialogue, he pleads with them not to tell their parents what he just said because he “doesn’t want to get into trouble.” Wow.

Presumably, the students find Geography so boring that they don’t even notice that their teacher wants to get in their pants. Declaring that he wants to “pick on the city boy”, Mr Yamada calls Gary to his feet and asks him to name the highest mountain in the solar system. When he answers incorrectly, Yamada winks at him and asks him to come to the faculty office after school for some extra tuition. I may have added a little embellishment there.

How cute–even their instant noodles are colour-coded!

After school, we cut to Chie, Gary and Yosuke sitting on the roof, backlit by a beautiful sunset. Yukiko strolls into shot holding two steaming instant noodle cups, and hands one to her life partner, who admires its aroma. I’m just trying to set the scene here. The body language displayed by the two guys–Yosuke is sitting down with his arms crossed, and Gary is facing away from him, hand on hip–would seem to indicate some lingering awkwardness, but they’re trying not to let it show in case the girls pick up on it and start questioning them. Not that Chie’s at all interested anyway–all she cares about is eating Yukiko’s warm, delicious Soba.

“So why are we here?” she asks. “Oh, yeah, we were going to ask Yukiko what happened.” Yes, because that’s so easy to forget when there have been so many major events going on lately. It’s not like the whole world has been on standby waiting for her to recover or anything. Even though they’ve already been through all this, and she already told them she can’t remember anything, Yosuke asks her if she can recall how she ended up being bundled into the TV. “I thought I might remember if I let it sit for a while, but as time passes, it only gets hazier…” she replies. I know the feeling, but in my case I think the vodka is playing a part.