By Thursday afternoon the midterms are over, and we rejoin the Scooby Gang in the midst of the traditional “OH SHIT WHAT DID YOU PUT FOR QUESTION 8 OHMYGOD I GOT IT WRONG” discussion. Now that the exams are finished, Yosuke wants to take a load off (no comment), but Chie snaps at him to shut up because his yammering is interfering with her post-paper depressive funk. There’s some kind of disagreement between her and Yukiko regarding a particular answer, but their lighthearted banter is just a smokescreen for this scene’s true focus–a group of gossiping students. Wow, it’s been a whole half hour since we had one of those. In this case, the topic of conversation is a film crew that’s been sighted in town, apparently here to cover a story on a local biker gang. Gary’s interest is at less than zero when he hears this–I mean, tattooed biker dudes with unkempt beards and sweaty leather? So not his scene.

Dude, don’t judge your friend just because he’s into leather daddies.

Now that the stopper’s been taken out of the exposition bottle, Chie can’t stop herself from waxing lyrical about this never-before-mentioned biker gang. We learn that they cause quite a ruckus on the highway just outside of town, and that a first-year student of Yasogami High is rumoured to be a member. This is all very interesting, but we’re clearly never going to meet the hoodlum in question, so it seems futile to sit here discussing his reputation. Far better to spend time on more important things, such as Gary’s latest jamming session with Ayane and the rest of the Worst Symphonic Band in the Prefecture champs of 2010.

For some reason, Ayane isn’t actually playing this time around, which may explain why Gary has such a good time at practice. His Expression even improves from Rough to Eloquent, so now he can actually tackle the herculean task of talking to his uncle when he has nothing better to do, like having his teeth extracted. Once he’s finished blowing, so to speak, he eavesdrops on an exchange between Mike and the returning Ayane, who’s excitedly telling him about a new booking she’s secured. In less than ten seconds, though, he takes the wind out of her sails–it transpires that she forgot to ask the hospital if they have any specific requests for the band. When Mike pulls her up on this, she visibly deflates, but curiously, there’s no blush. I’m sure it’ll make an appearance in due course, but more importantly, this little setback is sure to do wonders for her non-existent self-esteem. So thanks for that, Mike! It’s like, I know she fucked up, and he was well within his rights as band captain to tell her so, but he’s not the one who has to deal with the fallout. Gary’s patience with the girl is already paper-thin as it is, but he manages not to roll his eyes as she flatly sounds off about how useless she is. Well, if the cap fits…

Even though he didn’t really do anything except stand there, it seems Ayane’s been comforted enough for the Sun Social Link to go up a level. Gary’s praying that she’ll have grown a spine by the time it hits level 10. “You parted with Ayane and then went home,” the IN redundantly says. The only reason for me including that line is that I originally misread it as, “You partied with Ayane and then went home.” God, I can only imagine what an episode that would be. Having finally reached breaking point, Gary would probably try to drown himself in the punch bowl while Ayane whined in the background about the awfulness of her choice of playlist. Meanwhile, Chie and Yukiko would be quietly scissoring underneath a pile of coats in the cloakroom while Yosuke sat on the couch and pretended to text his non-existent friends. The fox would spend the entire night staring glassy-eyed at a lava lamp.

As he makes his way outside, Gary notices a strange girl loitering near his shoe locker. When she catches sight of him, she stammers something barely legible and then runs away, leaving a mysterious note behind. Gary’s heart sinks as he reads the note–it’s a gushy love letter all about this girl admiring him from afar, but not being able to contain her feelings any longer. The last thing either I or Gary need is for him to acquire a female stalker, so it’s with immense relief that he picks up on one very important detail–the note is addressed to somebody else. “You should talk to [the girl with a crush] the next time you see her…” the Invisible Narrator advises. Or he could, you know, just rip the note into little pieces and not pay it a second thought. But before he can do just that, something (the hitherto unseen GameFAQs Social Link) tells him it’s in his best interests to try to help this girl because of…reasons. Okay, I won’t play dumb–she’s the one who wrote the latest ema request. I’m tempted to use the C-word again and comment on how convenient it is that Gary was able to encounter her right here during the course of his usual routine, but I didn’t really want to have to gallivant all over Inaba looking for her, either. More on this electrifying subplot as events warrant.

Now that the midterms are over, Gary can’t really use the “I’m studying!” excuse to stay in his room all night and avoid his uncle, so he decides to clear the air once he arrives home. This exchange is a lot less fraught than their previous discussion–for one thing, Hot Uncle makes a concerted effort to keep the murder talk off the table tonight. Instead, he asks Gary what he’s been getting up to after school. Gary white-lies that he’s been spending every night practising with the symphonic band and the sports club like the good, non-murdering boy he is. This causes Hot Uncle to reminisce about his own schooldays, when he enjoyed the extra-curricular clubs so much that he wanted to cut class just to attend. “Er…not that I did cut class, though!” he hastens to add. He gets all flustered as he tries to find a happy medium between setting a good example to Gary and establishing some common ground with him, and it’s actually kind of adorable. Gary’s willing to forgive him for his questionable gift ideas and his outburst the other night, providing he starts paying him for babysitting Nanako. Gotta pay for the fox’s services somehow.

Translation: ‘I have to check out the naked selfies Adachi just sent me.’

You know the drill: the Social Link levels up, and Gary grows a little closer to his uncle. Not like that, you sickos. After class the next day, he goes in search of the smitten letter writer, and finds her standing around aimlessly on the second floor corridor. When she asks Gary if he read her letter, he answers truthfully and tells her he did. She starts freaking out because someone knows her secret, calls Gary a jerk, and then runs off to tell the real object of her affections how she feels, figuring she can’t be embarrassed any more than she already is. Well, pardon Gary for not crying a fucking river over her teenage crush. Maybe she should have made sure she had the right freaking shoe locker before leaving a note confessing her undying love. In spite of himself, he makes a note to track her down at a later date to ask how her confession went. Not that he gives a flying fuck either way, but he figures he might as well see this pathetic side-story through to its conclusion.

Another afternoon, another trip to the daycare. I think it goes without saying that Gary won’t be left with any fond memories of this afternoon, especially since he finds himself in the middle of some Minami family drama. When Eri arrives to pick up Yuuta, she very nicely asks him, “Yuu-kun, are you getting along with Mister Gary?” Even though the little brat had been quite happily arm-wrestling with Gary before she showed up, he screams, “No!” and then runs away again, yelling that she doesn’t have to pick him up anymore. This is going to be a long Social Link. Watching sadly as Yuuta disappears offscreen, Eri asks Gary whether he likes children. Even without taking that little spectacle into account, his answer requires no hesitation. To Eri’s credit, she doesn’t start screaming that Gary’s a terrible human being when she discovers he hates kids (Nanako excepted, obviously). In fact, she readily admits that she finds it hard to relate to Yuuta. That seems like something of an understatement. A couple of other mothers arrive and make thinly-veiled bitchy comments about Eri leaving Yuuta to run off alone, which is her cue to make her excuses and go after him. He could have been hit by a car by now, but then again, maybe that’s what she was banking on. Yeah, I said it.

With another Social Link one step closer to completion, Gary dashes home and switches on the evening news. They’re showing the special report on the biker gang, but events take a turn for the dramatic when one of its apparent leaders attacks the film crew. “The hell are you punks doing here!?” the mystery assailant yells in a voice far deeper than it has any right to be, considering his age. We get to see his portrait (sans eyes, for the usual legal reasons), which gives us a tiny hint that he isn’t just some throwaway character. From what we can see, he has swept-back, bleached hair, and is wearing a Yasogami High jacket over a skull t-shirt. For obvious reasons, I feel less than comfortable describing a 15 year-old as “hot”–it already feels wrong when I make jokes about Gary and Yosuke, who at least are a year or so older–but I have to remember that I’m writing this recap from Gary’s perspective. And, well, Gary would totally hit that.

Let’s not dwell on the fact that I’m going to Hell. Hot Uncle slowly lowers his newspaper, recognizing the voice of the boy only identified as “Young Delinquent.” He reveals that the police have had previous dealings with him, just in time for YD to bellow at the reporter, “This ain’t a show! Get bent!” What a nice young man. Nanako’s curious about her dad’s experience with YD, so, with a sigh, he provides us with some background: apparently, YD’s name is Kanji Tatsumi, and contrary to belief, he’s actually an enemy of the biker gang. “I think what happened was, he crushed the local bikers all by himself because the noise kept his mother up at night,” Hot Uncle hilariously reveals. Seriously, this is incredible. A schoolboy thug who wears a bullet necklace beating up an entire freaking biker gang because they were interrupting his mother’s beauty sleep? He is the best character ever, and we haven’t even officially met him yet. As the news report draws to a close, the ticker on the bottom of the screen indicates that heavy rain is forecast for tomorrow. And we all know what that means, right?

Even if you don’t, in fact, know what that means, never fear! The considerate and thoughtful game designers have seen fit to provide us with a cutscene that re-affirms what tends to happen on rainy nights in these parts. We fade in on Chie gazing out of the window of Class 2-2 as a downpour of biblical proportions batters against the glass. “Whoa, it started raining!” she breathes. Nice to know her observational skills are as sharp as ever. “That means the show’s probably gonna be on tonight,” Yosuke excitedly notes. Gary’s all set to ask Yosuke why he hasn’t given up on Homeland yet, but soon realizes he’s talking about the Midnight Channel. These past few weeks, he’s been spoiled with the freedom of not having to stare at his blank TV like an idiot on rainy nights, but he pledges to do so along with the others tonight. Yukiko hopes that nobody appears on the screen this time around, and even I have to admire her naïve optimism. To end the scene, the Invisible Narrator pops up and wonders who, or what, the group will see tonight. I think even dogs and small children will have recognized the pattern by now, but just for fun, let’s all play along and pretend we haven’t the faintest idea!

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That night, Gary dutifully stands in front of his TV set and waits for the Piano Theme of Mystery and Skullduggery to start up. It’s quite fortunate that the creepy music doesn’t wake Nanako or her dad. As expected, a misty figure materializes on the screen, but unlike the previous stars of the midnight broadcasts, this one seems to be male. The picture is just clear enough to make out the dude’s general age, build, hairstyle, and the clothes he’s wearing–in other words, it should be painfully obvious to anyone with an IQ approaching double figures exactly who it is, especially if they’ve seen him on TV recently. I’m sure it’s not necessary for me to tell you that Gary has a total brain-fart and fails to recognize him at all. Sigh. He immediately calls Yosuke, who answers the phone all a-flutter because there was a guy on the screen this time. He doesn’t know who it was either, but I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt because there’s every possibility he never actually saw the news report featuring Kanji. Gary, on the other hand, has no excuse, and needs to go sit in the corner now.

Happily, the following day is a Sunday, so Gary gets to spend the entire day discussing this latest development with the rest of the Scooby Gang. What a meeting of the minds this is going to be. Yosuke, clad in his fetching white jacket with fur trim, starts us off with the introduction: “Ahem, we will now hold a meeting on our investigation of the serial kidnapping-slash-murder case here in Inaba.” See, it’s funny because he’s acting like it’s an official meeting, but they’re sitting at a fold-up table in a food court! I suppose I should at least be grateful that it’s being presented in a tongue-in-cheek way and that they’re not sitting on the floor. Not helping matters, Yukiko says in awe, “Oh, then does that make this place our special headquarters?” Yes, it’s a special headquarters for special people. And that wasn’t a compliment.

It emerges that all four members of the group saw the person on the screen–fuck it, Kanji–but nobody knows who he is. Of course they don’t. “So that’s how I looked on TV…” Yukiko gasps. Well, her hair was longer, she was wearing a kimono, and she wasn’t a guy, but apart from those tiny details she’s dead right. As inane as many of her contributions are, she does actually raise a valid point here–up until now, the Scooby Gang had been working under the assumption that all of the Midnight Channel’s “victims” were females with ties to the original murder. The fact that the latest one is a bloke obviously throws a wrench in the machine of that particular theory, but that’s not all–Yukiko also reminds the others that when she was the subject on the screen, the grainy, indistinct image was all that appeared until she actually got kidnapped, when the broadcast changed to the mind-scarring reality show with the Princess Peach dress and gratuitous boob shots. Naturally, this implies that Kanji’s safe until he becomes the subject of a similar broadcast (though hopefully without Princess Peach dresses and gratuitous boob shots). Incredibly, Yosuke discerns this without much prompting–wonders will never cease. Content that the-guy-on-the-screen-who-they-don’t-know-is-Kanji is out of danger for the time being, the gang resolves to seek him out and warn him before the kidnapper-killer can get his/her hands on him. Given that the dude single-handedly took out a biker gang not too long ago, I don’t think one individual’s going to give him much trouble, but whatever.