OMR goes on to a disbelieving Joe, “I had it looked into, but no one has seen the Governor these last few days. I sense something is amiss.” I mean…that could just mean he has the flu, man. But sure, he’s definitely been given wine poisoned with semen–there’s no other possibility! Joe moans, “It’s also possible that the southward advancement policy from the previous Governor…has been halted.” OH NO, NOT THE SOUTHWARD ADVANCEMENT POLICY! A zombie is quietly seizing control of the entire country, and this might mean Joe doesn’t get to wage endless war anymore! Nooooooooo!

Christ. In a game we’ve already established is chock full of boring assholes, these two might take the prize. Joe muses that something may have also happened to the “Central Committee”–don’t look at me–and OMR adds to that, “There are especially many among the elders who are calling for sanctions against the Scarlet Moon to the north.” If this entire conversation only took place so someone could name drop the Scarlet Moon Empire, well, I would try not being mad about it, if only they had done so in a location where their odds of being spied upon were somewhere south of 100 FUCKING PERCENT. What passes for the Kooluk Navy’s brain trust decides, for now, to ascertain whether all this True Rune-hunting and not EXPANDING SOUTHWARD, EVER SOUTHWARD “is in accordance with His Majesty’s wishes,” and in the meantime to get back to their ships. “Obel is in danger of being retaken,” OMR says, which is news to me. Marvy and I are content to let y’all have that one.

Old Man River promises Joe he will hold off this imminent siege of Obel as long as he can so Joe doesn’t have to get the first fleet involved, and Joe halfheartedly beseeches his mentor to not push himself too hard. “Sir [Joe]…” he sighs, “you are still a young man. It is your generation that will build the future of this country… However, it is my generation that bears the responsibility…for your future.” I just spent five paragraphs pointing out that neither of these men have the barest semblance of self-preservation or common sense, and now OMR has to go and say something mildly sensible that not one shit-for-brains Reagan-voting baby boomer in our real-life horrorscape has ever thought, let alone said. I need to lie down. The camera pulls away as OMR says once more in case we didn’t get it, “I just feel the current situation…may be more dangerous than we had…originally thought.” Unknown to them, a mysterious figure is lurking in the shadows and listening, IN THE EXACT SAME SPOT AS BEFORE. Is there some other, smarter country that could conquer Kooluk and the Island Nations? Or am I just rooting for a meteor at this point?

We pick up with Marvy outside the Gaien Knights’ HQ, staring out at the sunset over the ocean. Despite the late hour and his desire to loot Lord Fingerbang’s mansion for a dry-aged steak, a bottle of something old and brown, and a fine Falenan cigar, he is still on his recruitment grind. After finding a Silver Hammer in a treasure chest that was not present earlier this afternoon and has been unceremoniously dumped in front of a doorway, Marvy heads for the kitchen, to find something that was also not present earlier this afternoon: Funghi, the kitchen boy. Marvy’s been back long enough now that it cannot be news to this kid that he’s alive, but he is very glad to see proof of it anyway. It takes no cajoling at all for Funghi to ask for passage aboard the Rudderless, and though he has two cooks and two mushroom purveyors, this kid has always been nice to him, and probably brought him midnight snacks when Slowe was giving him the cold shoulder and making him sleep in his own room.

Your recruitment work is done, Marvy!

Marvy pillages some more mysteriously available treasure chests and asks a few nobodies to be extras on his ship before heading into town and meeting up with his four very best friends he doesn’t at all hate. Keneth is being basic about seeing the sunset from his home sweet concrete slab again, and Paula still thinks they set out on their adventure of forcible exile as a way of “proving Marvy’s innocence,” as if saying these words enough times will make them make sense. “But now, with what has happened to Razril…” she sighs. “It is frustrating.” Razril was just liberated! What exactly is there to be frustrated about now? And she wasn’t even here for any of the occupation! Keneth basically asks her what I just did, but he’s more focused on how they can all be one big happy Seaward family under Daddy Marvy. Uh, on that note, Meathead says, “There were nasty rumors going around that Marvy had become a pirate…I was worried.” Pirate? That’s crazy talk! Hahaha! Anyway, Meathead, this is Kika, she is now your direct supervisor. Jewel and Meathead say, again, that they are joining the Seaward–Marvy wasn’t really concerned enough about it to need one confirmation, let alone two, but at least they’re enthusiastic–and the scene fades as Keneth says they should all get some rest.

Would that I could be done with this sunset reminiscence along with Marvy, but no. Back at the entrance to the knights’ hall, Katarina is also wallowing in her homecoming. It doesn’t even feel like it’s been that long since they all left–and it has been much less time in Katarina’s case–but it wouldn’t be a Suikoden game without making a big hairy deal out of returning to some backwater where the hero was treated like a pariah and letting nostalgia wash the mistreatment away. Looking up at the parapet where Scruffy snuffed it, Katarina moans, ostensibly to his ghost, “Someday…I promise…I will restore the Knights to their old glory… Please wait just a while longer.” It’s not like he has anywhere to be! Other than using his ghost powers to peep on Joe Bishounen in the shower, but it’s definitely better if he doesn’t do that. Katarina salutes at the building. It does not salute back. It does not care about her. Like me!

The next morning, Marvy wakes up with the hope that everyone is done giving a shit about stupid Razril and the stupid Gaien Knights so they can all slide aboard his massive boat and put this sad past life of theirs firmly in their rearview. But first, he has to wring some more recruits out of this place. The first is up on Scruffy’s Death Terrace, gazing out at the ocean, as far as I can tell the only pastime on this fucking island. Her name is Ameria, and I can tell you two things about her: 1) Word keeps autocorrecting her name to “America” and if I didn’t think that was a mean thing to call someone right now, I’d just let it ride; and 2) she is so clearly in the “badass redhead fighter with a bob” mold of Oulan, Ronnie Bell, and Ronnie Bell Jr. before her that I have to assume her being a different Star of Destiny than they were is some kind of clerical error. (Unlike them, Ameria uses a sword, which makes her different enough. I GUESS.) Ameria says to Marvy, this person she’s never met in her life, “From up here, doesn’t it look like humans are really insignificant? So, did you want something from me?” Fewer DEEP THOUGHTS out of nowhere would be a great start. Marvy can say he wants nothing from her or ask her what she’s doing up here. Ameria answers the latter, “I was asked to help the people here. Well, I’m kind of like their bodyguard. Those Kooluk bastards burned everyone’s houses down, so the citizens had no choice but to gather here.” Marvy sure had been wondering about that–he couldn’t help but notice the burnt husks of citizens’ homes all over Razril. Just kidding! Not only is there no physical evidence of this happening, but I’m pretty sure Ameria is the only person who even mentions it. But, what with these masses of homeless refugees, Ameria cannot come with Marvy aboard the Rudderless, as she is needed here! What is one woman even doing to help them? Just standing by the door of the keep, making sure nobody burns it down, too? But wait! Two men show up to tell Ameria she can leave if she needs to, as “Razril has been rescued” and everyone will be all right now. “Okay… Then our contract’s over,” Ameria says. “I understand.” Was she also charging these people for her services? You know what would have been cool and would have answered a lot of my questions? Seeing Ameria in action during the Kooluk occupation. Rescuing families from their burning homes, and making sure they had plenty of blankets and cocoa before she charged back into the fray against conquering fascists. Pulling a kitten out of a tree. Jesus, anything but standing here doing nothing until Marvy has a hole in his roster to fill. This helps no one.

You know you’re not getting paid, right?

Down by the armor shop, a blonde woman in a pretty legit scrollworked purple headband is clearly waiting around for Marvy to talk to her. She introduces herself as Gretchen and says she’s been “searching” for Marvy. Oh dear. “I have spent plenty of time alone in the mountains, honing my swordsmanship,” she says. Ohhhhh dear. “When I came into town, I heard of you and could not contain myself.” Marvy’s brain says he should run as fast as his stiff legs will allow in the opposite direction, because this woman is about to jump him with gusto. But his heart wants to know where Gretchen buys her headgear. And as usual, his heart wins out. Gretchen, of course, only wants to get on board Marvy’s big boat and go stab some motherfuckers. Which is very much fine, as Marvy very much wants to evict all five mermaids and hand Gretchen their atelier shop.

Marvy’s already in the neighborhood, so he returns to the item shop to try again with Frederica. “Are you the one who rescued Razril?” she now wants to know. The way she asks, I’m a little worried what she’ll do when Marvy says yes. When Marvy only asks her to join the Seaward in response, she sighs, “Meaning, get on your ship?” Unfortunately, yes. “Hmm… All right, I’ll get on your ship. It’ll help me with my investigation…” Despite Marvy willing every molecule in his body to osmose through the wall and get out of hearing her life story, Frederica plows on with telling it. “I’m investigating a certain ‘Vanished Village.’ It’s a village that was on the border of Scarlet Moon and Kooluk. Apparently, Graham Cray, the ‘Merchant of Death’ seems to have been behind the incident that caused it to vanish. You’ve been pursuing him as well, right? Shall we look into it together, then?” I suppose that’s what Marvy’s been doing! If by “pursuing him” you mean “Possibly having dreams about boring meetings he attends,” anyway. I would say I’m looking forward to Frederica taking a lead role in the search for the truth about Graham Cray and the quest to bring him and the Kooluk to justice, but why set myself up for disappointment when she disappears into Desmond’s recruitment rolls as soon as this sentence is over?

Okay, Marvy has now scoured this town for every last martially skilled, no-nonsense woman it has to offer. Let’s bring on the men! In a plaza off the main town square, Marvy finds a whopper, named Karl. Marvy’s new favorite person is shirtless, ripped, tattooed with a dragon and a tiger fighting for control of his sternum, and sporting a broomhandle mustache that looks like such a great ride that Marvy may not need his ship anymore. Karl (incidentally, the actual same Star of Destiny as Ronnie Bell et al) wastes no time teasing Marvy and decides it’s time he “test [his] strength” out there in the world. This makes Marvy briefly wonder what Karl has been doing on Razril up to this point–perhaps saving families from burning buildings, also?–but they are about to start a new, sweaty, vigorous life together, and there’s no point in dwelling on the past.

BOY HOWDY

So what better time for the past to rear its cowlicked, silver head? Marvy returns to his ship and gets ready to depart, but they’re barely out of Razril’s port when Nico shouts from the deck, “There’s a ship heading our way! It’s a pirate!” Oh no, not a pirate! Meathead is going to have something to say about this!

Of course, this is not just any pirate. As only becomes clear from the naval battle information screen, they are being engaged by “Pirate [Slowe].” Why, yes, that is the same Slowe from the Kooluk Anti-Pirate Task Force! Marvy’s ex is, if nothing else, ideologically malleable. And, I have to admit, resourceful, if he went from being set adrift with one resentful Kooluk enlistee to commanding a pirate ship in so short a time. Marvy had to pretend to like Lido for way longer than that to get his own boat. Elenor mutters, like she has had it up to here with Marvy’s fucking drama, “Humph, I see there’s a bit of history between you two… Even moreso a reason why you shouldn’t let your guard down…” Listen, lady, Marvy respects your advice and hears it loud and clear, but you may be a bit too concerned with Slowe’s capabilities. Look at him over there, he’s only got one rune cannon! It’s kind of sad. Elenor concedes that this doesn’t look like a deadly situation, but adds, “we don’t know what they’re thinking yet.” I’m gonna lay cash that “they” aren’t thinking all that much.

LOL

This fight would probably be facile with just the Rudderless, but Marvy now has a third ship at his command thanks to the addition of the Gaien Knights to his ranks. That ship is helmed by Jango, the less-skeevy of Marvy’s latest pirate recruits. I would be delighted if we suddenly got a smash cut to Meathead on the deck of this ship, bolting down anything valuable and confiscating any Jolly Roger imagery he sees. And by the time I finish imagining this scenario, Slowe’s ship has already been destroyed, after taking three solid hits from water rune shells. This game is practically gleeful in kicking this incompetent trust fund baby in the dick, over and over again, and to Marvy it will still never be enough.

Slowe and his two pirate lackeys are brought aboard the Rudderless to face their maker. Now, of course, all four of their friends are present to glare at him, which somehow makes this even more satisfying for Marvy. “[Slowe]…” Meathead says. “So you’re a pirate now…?” Somehow, Slowe does not immediately dime Marvy out for the same crime, a weasel move that is not just in his wheelhouse but is the entirety of his wheelhouse. Perhaps he’s changed! Instead, Slowe snaps, “Shut up, I can do what I want.” But WHO CARES what just came out of his mouth, because this is our first look at his new outfit and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.

Marvy is going to need that priest he recruited.

Slowe decided a monochrome look would be best for his new life as a pirate, a move I wouldn’t have recommended with his hair and skin tone, but I would have been dead fucking wrong and I’m hypothetically very sorry about it. To that end, he’s put together a white ensemble with mostly black accessories or black trim, including an incredible tunic-length lace-up vest with black trim, black lace-up armbands, and, YOU GUYS. A dog collar. “You mean a choker?” I’m sure someone who has not seen this outfit would ask. No, strawman I invented, you fucking idiot. An actual black leather dog collar with a silver buckle. A belt, for his throat. Marvy has broken into a cold sweat.

The new clothes, unfortunately, have not improved Slowe’s attitude. Jewel, somehow taken aback by Slowe being a wad like he’s been, specifically to her, always, asks Marvy what they should do with him. Marvy stares at the deck like it will give him answers, and hopes no one realizes he is worried if he locks eyes with Slowe now something extremely regrettable is going to happen, and he won’t even attempt to get Slowe to his cabin first. After wrestling with the decision for what probably feels like five hours in his mind, he chooses to ask, “[Slowe], would you like to join us?” Look, he knows what Slowe is going to say, but can you blame this poor boy for seeing THAT and feeling the flame of hope rekindle in his dead heart? HE’S IN A FUCKING DOG COLLAR! MARVY IS BUT A MAN!

Thirst Trap Slowe seems to consider this request for at least a moment, which makes it even crueler when he finally says, “I just…can’t bring myself to work with you…” Everyone hangs their heads. A black screen later, yet again, Slowe is in a dinghy with just one of his pirate subordinates. (Oddly, it is neither of the two men who were just on the deck with him, unless the skinnier one had a wardrobe change handy. What’s the story with this guy?) Slowe’s parting words, alas, show he has not grown from his experiences much at all: “Marvy…I don’t understand. Why do people flock to you so much? People just keep leaving me… Why doesn’t anyone like me?” Well, given how you look, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it’s YOUR TERRIBLE FUCKING PERSONALITY, SLOWE. It would be one thing if Marvy had waved him off again, but he did try to make amends, and Slowe’s still convinced he’s being pushed away, and that it’s just that skank Marvy getting all the breaks in life again! My man, you are lucky Marvy didn’t ask you to leave the outfit behind. He could totally squeeze Axel, or Helmut, or (ooh!) Karl into that vest and let his imagination take the wheel. Marvy and Slowe stare at each other as their two vessels move apart. The boats are like their hearts, you guys!

Today I learned this is impossible!

It’s probably like 9:30 in the morning, but Marvy could sleep for two days after that confrontation. So it is here we will take our leave of him for now, and whether he wants sexy dreams or petty revenge dreams, we at least know he has fodder for either. And he certainly has some ideas to bring to Phil the tailor. Next time, Marvy’s got a truly obnoxious recruit to deal with, and worse still, he will no longer have anything to do but liberate the Kingdom of Obel. Lido “finally” becomes a king again in part 10! What a journey it’s been!