There’s not much else that I particularly want to say about this battle. Oh wait, I’m going to laugh at Ryudo’s Purple Lightning attack. Because heh…”purple lightning.”
Aaaanyway, after I eventually kick the thing’s ass and get my gajillion EXP and such as a reward, the party magically reappears in the Creepy-Ass Garden, this time with an unconscious Samara lying near the tree. The camera takes about a million years to zoom in on this scene, probably to give us ample time to grieve for this perfect fictional child. When Millenia approaches Samara, Ryudo screams, “Millenia! What are you doing!?” Millenia should rightfully scream “DURRRRRRR!!!!!!!!” back at him, but instead she calmly reminds him of what she’s here to do. In case we’ve somehow managed to forget that Ryudo is suddenly a shameless child-lover (possibly in that way, since he can’t seem to shut up about it), he throws a giant tantrum over this. “Stop! Where else do we look? There’s a way to save the girl! We just have to find it!”
By this time, Millenia’s patience is wearing thin. Forget the devil, she must be a freaking saint to have not torn Ryudo limb from limb already. She’s all, “There can be only one.” Unfortunately, in the time Millenia spends re-explaining herself to the lame Ryudo, Sandra manages to find her way to the Creepy-Ass Garden. Some irritating sappy music warns me that we’re about to have a Moment. I can feel my stomach rebelling already.
As expected, Sandra freaks when she sees her fallen daughter. She throws herself upon her poor kid, sobbing over how much she loves the creepy little bugger. It looks like Samara is still with us, because the more the merrier when it comes to nauseating sap. When Sandra lies that she never really thought Samara was a monster, Samara responds, “Oh. I’m so glad.” Since she’s not throwing a screamfest anymore, we can assume that Valmar is no longer fucking with her. Even though she still has that big messed up eyeball staring out of her forehead.
Samara and her mother share the predicted Moment over the beauty of the Creepy-Ass Garden. With this, Samara turns toward Millenia. “… You, the girl with wings, please… take out this eye… Mother smiled, so I don’t need this eye anymore…” I’m glad she told us the last part about her mom smiling, since the character models don’t have mouths. Telling Millenia to devour Samara’s soul is like telling me to eat chocolate — you don’t have to ask her twice. As Millenia unfurls her wings, everyone except Ryudo suddenly begs her to stop this madness. I guess Ryudo used up his Samara-related wankery. Well, we can hope.
“Mother, don’t worry… I have to get rid of this or I… might make more trouble for everyone,” Samara explains. The party members bow their heads in choreographed unison. Finally, Millenia gets down to business. The soul-sucking takes place with a bright flash of light so that the game designers don’t actually have to animate the demise of the Creepy-Ass Garden. You see, it’s now completely barren and brown, just like that penisy part of Samara’s soul. Except without the penises. Well, Ryudo’s kind of a dick, but you get what I’m saying.
The camera spends a goodly amount of time making damn sure we comprehend the current state of the Creepy-Ass Garden. Along with its texture mapped fields of glorious flowers, it has also lost its fairies created out of stolen souls. Tidink thinks they’ve returned to their owners. Which they have, but how does he know they weren’t just destroyed forever? Judging that too much time has passed since he let out a good old-fashioned wank stream, Ryudo whines, “If I were as able to save her as I was to shoot my mouth off… I’m sorry…” Because it’s all about you, Ryudo. His lame “Give Me Sympathy” plan works, however — Sandra thanks him for convincing her to come to the garden as well as for saving Samara. “…She was the light of my life. Now tell me, how can I make my life worth living again…?” Sandra sobs. Look at the bright side, lady — you just got loads of extra free time, and one less drain on your income. Hooray! See, I’m all about helping.
Millenia has an even harsher solution: “Ha ha ha! Die. End it. Then everyone else’s lives will be worth living. It’s all your fault, anyway. ‘Sides, why should we care?” I’m in awe. Ryudo’s ensuing bitchfest is cut short by a string of ellipses from an angry Sandra. This is the sign that Millenia was apparently looking for. She directs Sandra’s attention to a single flower growing nearby. The camera does a close-up on it for effect as “Inspirational Yet Nauseating Piano Tune #1” starts up. “That flower is [Samara]’s heart. It grows there ’cause it couldn’t return to her body,” Millenia explains. And according to her, if by some chance a huge assload of those flowers bloom all over the place, Samara may return. Wait, let me get this straight. So when the Eye of Valmar left Samara’s body, her heart went flying around the area. When it was blocked somehow from re-entering her body, it decided to take root in the ground and magically transform into a flower. And if a bunch of similar flowers grow in the same vicinity, this will somehow transform the flower back into Samara’s heart and return to her. That makes sense…how?
I’m sure there is some metaphorical pseudo-philosophic concept there that I’m just not deep enough to understand. Or the game designers let their magical talking bong write this scene. Either way, Millenia is skeptical that anyone can grow enough flowers to make Samara all better. Still pissed off, Sandra swears that she’ll do it. Her work done, Millenia turns and walks away from everyone. Ryudo catches up to her, kind of feeling like a giant ass. “Those things you said to Sandra… Were your words meant to give her streng-” Millenia’s all, “You must be smoking crack.” Ryudo doesn’t buy this. He’s also curious whether or not Millenia was lying about the lots of flowers = healed Samara thing, considering her kajillion comments that Samara was SOL. “Um, well… uh yeah… Oh, never mind that. I AM the Wings of Valmar, Ryudo.” She tries to tell Ryudo how tough and evil and uncaring she is, but he knows better: “Listen, girlie, just so you know: you can’t con a con artist. And if you’re going to try, you’d best be better than me. Well, when I’m not being a bleeding heart wanktard.” End scene.
The last part of that scene was kind of cute, so I’m not going to complain too much about the head injury I received from the Millenia Has a Heart of Gold Mallet. True to Grandia II form, my lack of bitterness doesn’t last very long — the next scene opens with Mary Sue wanking over the unconscious Samara back at the girl’s house. “She’ll be okay, I know it. A kind girl like little [Samara] cannot end up like this…” Tidink tards. I love this because when Gadan lost his soul, no one really gave much of a shit. It was all, “Well, that fucking sucks. Let’s go.” Because he’s an adult and he’s fat. Plus, as a yucky adult, his possession was clearly his fault, so there’s no way he deserves to be saved. Old people suck!
But holy shit, as soon as it’s a fricking kid, there’s an immediate fountain of spooge regarding her fate. The double standard is really rather depressing. Speaking of depressing, Ludo has to further ruin my day by saying, “As the raven is born of its own, so does kindness beget kindness. There will be good even in this.” I think if you run this through the Ludo Translator, you get something like, “When a tragedy happens to a child, it makes everyone suddenly stop being assholes for a while.” For our world, this might mean that we get some new laws, or they might finally put a stoplight at that intersection that everyone knew was dangerous but no one bothered to fix until some kid was killed. Not that I’m bitter.
Anyway, Ryudo doesn’t need to waste any more time in the town now that the damage has been done. He bids farewell to Sandra, wanking a bit more over Samara. Before I can actually leave and save my game, a blue-haired young boy runs in. This is the formerly cursed Nicolas. Apparently no one has filled him in on Samara’s current state, because he barges into the house expecting to play with her. An aside: I think his blue hair means that Irina boffed the Village Chief. Scandal! Anyway, Nicolas is not the brightest bulb on the tree — he’s still totally clueless when Sandra tells him that Samara’s sleeping and when Mary Sue asks him to be nice to the girl. Of course, Mary Sue’s request is rather retarded — yeah, he came over to play with Samara because he felt like being a total dick to her.
I’m so relieved to get out of there that I don’t even think twice about talking to the villagers. Silly me. To my chagrin, everyone is all, “WAAAAAAAAAH OH NOES NOT SAMARAAAAAAAAAA” and basically being big annoying whiners. This crap forces Ryudo back into Save The Children mode, which is the last thing I need right now. Pissed, he tries to convince the villagers to live up to Samara’s expectations and stop being such jerks to each other. Only he does it in as irritating a fashion as possible. I mean, he actually says, “Toward what end… for what good reason… did that poor girl forfeit her soul!?” Jesus Christ.
NO!
Well, my tiny violin is in the shop, so you lucky people shall be spared an impromptu concert. After I do a “quick” round of Talk To Everyone and end up wanting to kick the villagers’ teeth in, I try save at the inn. Which is kind of stupid that it took me that long, because what if the power went out? I don’t even want to imagine that horrible possibility.
‘Just…don’t do it in front of us.’
But before I can even get there, Ryudo and the others run into our most favoritest bloodthirsty zealot. She wants to subject both Sandra and Samara to “the inquisition.” That sounds like a fun family trip. “Why? Haven’t the people who fell ill recovered? Shouldn’t you be diving back into your crypt and gnawing at bones by now?” Ryudo snots. Okay, so he’s being tolerable and sarcastic again. This is good. But of course I’m stupid to get my hopes up. As soon as Selene continues to persist in her desire to “purify” Sandra and Samara, Ryudo wanks, “Please STOP it with that word! Tell me, is it wrong for a mother to wish to heal her sick daughter? Is it ‘righteous’ to string up a grieving mother!!?” So impressed is he by a woman with a working uterus.
Selene pretty much calls him a heretic. “Fine, fine. I’m a heretic. I hate god. I hate your ridiculous outfits. I hate YOU. Call me whatever, but leave these two alone.” Hypocritical comment about ridiculous outfits aside, he proves that it’s possible to defend Samara and her mom without being totally irritating about it. And still retaining the sarcasm. So obviously all that annoying wankery is just further proof that the game designers wish to make my life a living hell.
The Village Chief steps forward to essentially say, “Get out of our town, please.” Only he takes about ten times as long as necessary. And he has to kiss Sandra and Samara’s asses along the way. Christ, those two are going to need diaper ointment for the butt chapping. Though she would like to stay and partake in a bit of murder, Selene decides to pull the “Granas is merciful” card. Well, that’s just too little, too late. But whatever, she’s leaving. “However, [Mary Sue]. You seem to be lacking in piety for a follower of Granas… for a Songstress,” Selene says as a parting shot. And Selene’s gonna tell the Pope on her!
Well, I’m always happy for a Mary Sue burn, even if Selene is just totally bitter that Mary Sue didn’t slurp all over her ass. The Cockthedral Knights follow her out, phallic swords at the ready. I totally wouldn’t want those guys following behind me, if you know what I’m sayin’.
I take care of the last bit of Talk To Everyone, and really wish I hadn’t. It’s all the same old shit, stated in about a million different ways. I am not exaggerating, either. At least we finally learn that Samara’s true wish was for everyone to be happy. I hate it when they’re all cryptic about that shit. Ryudo finally loses it after talking to the Village Chief, who remains ignorant about Samara’s wish. It’s kind of beautiful how Ryudo practically screams, “DURRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!! DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” at the guy. It’s totally how I feel.
Drained of my will to live, I finally save at the inn and turn off this fucking game. It’s official: everyone sucks. Except for Millenia. At this time, anyway. See you all in the undoubtedly wanktastic Part 8!