Ryudo is all, “…the hell? Okay, let’s go,” like they didn’t just experience something straight out of a game designer’s scary flashback. A weird music box-esque tune chimes in the background as the party takes the only exit available — the place from which they entered. Back on the previous screen, everyone looks around, realizing that the Creepy-Ass Garden has now disappeared. Tidink wonders if it was a dream. Yes, you all walked offscreen, had the exact same dream about a garden without falling asleep, then wandered back here. Dumbass. Seeing as how they aren’t about to solve the mystery of the century at this time, they continue on.
Heading toward the garden’s location now brings the party to the overworld map. My only option is to enter Mirumu Village, where I would be absolutely shocked to find weapon and armor upgrades, as well as an inn. The obnoxious town overview reveals that Mirumu is smaller than Liligue (thank God), and is constructed of stone and large fossils of sea creatures and other ancient things. As the party enters, Mary Sue comments, “There is a certain… sadness about this village. I wonder as to its source.” Oh holy hell, she might as well just say, “So Valmar’s fucking up this town, too. I wonder which body part we’ll have to fight next?” But then there wouldn’t be any of that fabulous filler we love so much, not to mention the exciting process of watching the group work out the cause of all the town’s problems even though we already know what it is. But I’m getting way ahead of myself.
A couple of nearby dudes spot the group, and cream themselves over the fact that Mary Sue has arrived. It turns out that they were already expecting a Sister of Granas to come and save their village from something completely unimaginable. One of the guys goes off to fetch the village chief, shrieking and flailing his arms (I’m trying to spice this up). “Are they… speaking of me?” Mary Sue dumbasses. No, they’re talking about that other Sister standing behind you. Jesus. Or, rather, Granas. The first guy returns with the blue-haired Village Chief, who is as happy as a little girl over Mary Sue’s arrival. Instead of letting this charade go on longer than necessary, creating many obligatory wacky hijinks, Ryudo and Mary Sue explain that there’s a case of mistaken identity here. The Village Chief is rather disappointed, as — wait for it — some shit is going down in the village.
Ryudo wants all the dirt. “These things shouldn’t be spoken of in this place…” the Village Chief says. At first, I think this is another one of those lame attempts to keep me in the dark for as long as possible, but instead, it’s just an excuse for the Village Chief to invite Ryudo over to his house. Aw, yeah.
NO!
Inside the rather unimpressive one-room dwelling, the Village Chief fills them with as much exposition as they can take. Mirumu’s particular issue is that people are randomly falling asleep. But this isn’t like the problem I have when sitting through the second disk of Xenogears — this involves permanent, unwakeable sleep. For days and days, according to VC. Ludo wonders if they might be sick. VC slaps his forehead. “You know, I’ve never thought of that! Thanks, random observant monster dude, for coming up with this totally obvious possibility that I’ve never even considered!” he sort of says. Actually, he thinks that it’s not a sickness, but a curse. Mary Sue is all, “How do you know?” “The dreams,” VC responds. “Ever since falling asleep, all of the villagers keep having the same dream. A… presence. Watching. Waiting. Its eyes… great and terrible… Terrifying!” Ah, so we’re dealing with the Ear of Valmar, then. Ryudo is skeptical of this whole curse business, completely failing at any sort of pattern recognition.
It’s Sauron!
The Village Chief explains that this whole business sucks so much ass, they sent word to the Cathedral, hoping for a little help. “So that is why you thought Sister [Mary Sue] was here to save you,” Tidink contributes. “Wow, you are a fucking genius wizard,” VC replies. “I am in awe of your impressive deductive capabilities, and I am honored to be in your presence.” Ryudo’s all, “That’s nice, but it’s not our problem. See ya!” Seriously, this is Liligue all over again, right down to Ryudo’s futile resistance. I sure hope that means I get to deal with all the back-and-forth sniping between Ryudo and Mary Sue until I finally have to go through the fucking dungeon anyway.
Ryudo’s reluctance prompts VC to beg for Mary Sue to stay just one night, as the Cathedral Priestess should surely arrive the next day. His reasoning is that Mary Sue’s presence might help the curse not suck quite so much, even if she’s otherwise as useless as a strap-on in an FFVIII orgy. Mary Sue, complete pushover that she is, gives in right away. Ryudo doesn’t put up a fight at all, thankfully for my frayed nerves. With that settled, the party goes exploring the village. If there’s anything as awesome as ChoadChat, it’s definitely Talk To Everyone.
Shut up, Ludo.
The first person in town mentions someone named Aira, and expresses concern over not seeing her for a while. “When she’s not around, it’s like a flame has gone out in this village. Makes me feel kind of lonely…” the random NPC whines. Mary Sue inwardly bristles at the possible presence of yet another Mary Sue. It’s so unfair! Ludo somehow deduces that this Aira person is a child, and then busts out into a nauseating speech about how chyyyyyyyyldrun are precious and make the world all better and shit. “Hey, that’s not the only thing that makes this bunch all starry-eyed…” Ryudo comments. I’m not really sure what he’s implying, but I think it might have to do with drugs. This NPC also remarks that everyone in the village is whiny and depressed, but Aira wants to make everything all better by planting flowers. “What a charming idea. Flowers do have the ability to bring cheer to even the most irritable of people,” Tidink squees, Gay Anime Grin plastered on his face. Everyone just kind of stares at him, wondering if Link is going to show up and beat the shit out of Tidink for out-gaying him.
Another guy thinks that because their crops all failed and this other shit happened that the Day of Darkness is at hand. Because nothing bad can ever happen in life without it meaning that someone’s out to get you. The whiny guy’s kid has been listening to his dad too much, and also thinks that they’re fucked. Tidink tries to cheer him up with talk of the Priestess coming from the Cathedral. “Yes, the High Priestess from the Cathedral will be arriving soon to help this village,” Mary Sue agrees. So Mary Sue has somehow established that they’re not just sending any old Priestess, but the High Priestess herself (whoever that might be)? I guess we can add “psychic” to her Mary Sue Talent List.
Well, yeah, with that shitty attitude.
Another random kid comments that Aira isn’t coming over because none of the kids are allowed outside. At least I think this person is a kid. But, strangely, he/she is outside. Whatever. “No other children are allowed outside. That must make it all very hard on Aira. She sits, lonesome, devoid of companionship,” Ludo bullshits. What the fuck? No, seriously, what the fuck? I guess at least we can establish that pretty much everyone in the village is obsessed with this Aira kid, to a rather disturbing degree. And it seems to be rubbing off on my stupid party members as well. Yay.
Inside a house, a woman NPC talks about her sickly husband, and how he’s been feeling even shittier since Valmar the curse hit the village. But it’s not because of fear. Nope, it’s because Aira hasn’t been able to visit him. “Aira would bring him some medicinal herbs, and they always made him feel much better,” NPC woman says. I don’t know what’s more disturbing — that everyone’s acting like Aira is freaking Jesus or that she’s peddling “medicinal herbs” to dirty old men. Then again, the old guy’s wife doesn’t know if it’s the herbs or Aira’s “sweet smile” that make him happy. Meanwhile, said old guy is a short distance away, freaking out over “Sandra” not allowing Aira out of the house to see him. I think I need a shower now.
Oh, the irony and foreshadowing.
Moving on. More Day of Darkness whining, more Mary Sue asskissing, more High Priestess talk, more obnoxious Aira obsessing. This village kind of sucks. The party finally ends up at the Town Hall, where the victims of the curse are being stowed. One guy lies on the floor, giggling and muttering about flowers. Tidink comments, “Given the circumstances, they seem to have pleasant dreams… I would not have expected that.” Neither would I, considering that the Village Chief said that everyone was having nightmares, and in fact used that as his basis for why this is a horrible curse instead of an illness. It’s nice that they can keep their storyline straight for ten minutes.
Another sleeping guy lies nearby, his wife watching over him and whining profusely. Yeah, she has a reason, but that doesn’t mean I’m in the mood for her angsting. “…Excuse us. All of the people here that are sleeping, none of them can be woken up?” Tidink wonders retardedly. “Oh, sure they can, that’s why I’m throwing a huge freaking fit over it, you fucking moron,” the lady says. She wonders if Mary Sue is the one sent to help them, and Mary Sue has to explain for the fifteenth fucking time that no, she’s not the High Priestess. I know it’s silly when all NPCs magically know everything that’s going on, but I have to say that I kind of miss that right now. Incidentally, this sleeping dude, too, is giggling and talking about a happy place. Hey, maybe these people all found the game designers’ stash. Also, there are only two people in this room in spite of the fact that the wife told them that the curse victims were all being brought to the Town Hall. Whatever.
Upon entering the inn, the next story sequence is triggered. Yes, all that other shit was filler. A purple-haired woman named Irina leads us through the same God damn conversation regarding Mary Sue’s purpose in the village. Before Irina finds out what everyone else in the whole frickin’ village knows, she begs Mary Sue to help her son Nicolas, one of the unfortunate curse victims, but not one who ended up in the Town Hall. After Mary Sue sets the record straight for the fiftieth time in the last ten minutes, Irina wonders if Mary Sue will take a look at her son. She wanders into another room. “Is this the curse they were talking about?” Ryudo stupidly asks. Everyone looks at him with disgust. Or they would, if they weren’t all complete fucking morons themselves.
The Black Screen of Teleportation brings the party to a room with two beds. Irina explains that the boy in one of the beds is Nicolas. Oh, I thought she just wanted to show the group some random kid. Jeez. Nicolas, like the other victims, mutters about a fun place. Gosh, I’m confused — a nice place filled with flowers? Where on earth could that be? Nowhere we’ve been, surely. “He doesn’t sound sick. Maybe he’s just easily entertained. Whee,” Ryudo comments. Hee. Tidink remarks that this is eerily similar to the Gadan situation, and he’s probably referring to the aftermath and not the gluttony part since no one is stuffing their faces here. Ryudo wonders if Valmar “devoured his soul.” Ludo takes a big long sniff and responds, “Yet, there is no foul ASSRAPE about this place…” Well, that’s good.
Mary Sue admits that she’s completely fucking worthless, and can’t do a thing to help. “That innocent face… maybe he’s playing with the fairies in the Garden of Dreams…” Irina randomly says. Mary Sue somehow pulls her head out of her ass and makes the connection that the rest of us have made a while ago. She tells Irina about their little accidental side trip to the Creepy-Ass Garden. “You can’t be serious,” Irina scoffs. You see, this is completely unprecedented in an RPG, but this particular garden is just a children’s tale, and could not possibly exist. “No, it was definitely real… Flowers everywhere and fairies flitting about,” Ryudo sighs wistfully. Then he tries to cover it up all manly-like.
Oh, that would be fabulous.
Mary Sue describes the creepy little girl with the scar that they encountered. Turns out that we’ve heard of her, too. Samara is none other than the oft-referenced Aira. I mean, come on — are they really going to make the creepy garden girl some totally random kid that no one has ever mentioned? No, it’s the whole Shove Plot Twist Up The Ass deal once again. Anyway, Irina deduces that Sandra, Samara’s mom, must have put the curse on everyone. Mary Sue tries to explain the whole concept of innocent until proven guilty, but Irina’s in full-on bitch mode by now. She whines over how this witch could have cursed her precious, innocent widdle boy. Basically, Irina’s probably jealous that everyone in the town only cares about Samara, and they don’t shower her spawn with endless attention and accolades. Irina leaves the room in a huff, probably to round up some villagers with pitchforks and torches.