Wow, Sam is crazy fast at writing these awesome recaps. Kingdom Hearts Part 15 is now posted. In it, Sam tackles several sidequests, including the Hades Cup. Only one recap to go after this!
Kingdom Hearts Part 15
11.11.13
16 thoughts on “Kingdom Hearts Part 15”
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Just one more KH recap, and it’ll be the fourth completed recap in the nearly 12 years since this site got off the ground! Not that it’s much cause for celebration, because there’s a kerjillion more KH games left to be recapped. …Well, have fun with that! 🙂
Let me get my nitpicking out of the way first. You didn’t call Aeris by her nickname “Airhead”. I can’t remember if she’s ever been called that in the KH recaps, and I’m too lazy to reread them right now, but if Cloud and Squall can have the same nicknames as the recaps of their games of origin, why not Aeris?
Okay, something positive now… Well, as usual, the recap was a good read, got a couple of laughs out of it.
I wonder where the other titans from the Hercules movie are? There were several of them, but in KH, we only see two. And in regards to bonus bosses, there’s one more that I know of that you forgot to mention, in Neverland. Mind giving it a mention in the next recap, before heading off to kick the ass of Billy Zane and his ten million forms?
Oh, and there’s something I’ve been wanting to say something in regards to Junior’s constant seduction of keyholes. A quote from the anime New Getter Robo.
“If there’s a hole, it’s a man’s job to thrust into it.”
I can’t imagine what sort of unholy nightmare the Hades Cup must’ve been. Then again, not only do I hate tedious and boring things (I’m surprised I ever finished a PS1-era Tomb Raider game, despite liking Lara), but I also hate Disney’s Hercules (except for Meg and the Muses, who are cool, amusing, and have great songs). I’m going to assume neither of them ever show up in the KH series, not even having the Muses, say, singing spirited revival songs as you battle in the Coliseum. Still, VGR makes the dull and inane rather fun, so props to tackling something of that trudging magnitude. You done well with it.
Then again, Mulan shows up, and I adore her… mmm, nah. Gonna need the cast of Tangled thrown in to get me interested in touching the series outside VGR (I suck too much at ARPGs). Tangled AND The Princess and the Frog. Let’s see those twatmissiles Aurora and Cinderella crack racist jibes while Tiana’s around. She’ll probably learn how to boil bitches.
Meg is in Kingdom Hearts II.
And to be clear, I’m not touching the non-numbered installments in the KH series with a ten-foot pole. 1/2/3, and whatever other true sequels they do. I don’t have time for the rest.
She is? I hope they didn’t suck out her personality. Also, does Snow White have a halfway decent voice? I actually watched the original movie for the first time last year, and holy shit, that shrill squeak is unbearable. I kind of hate Snow White anyway, though.
(I’m also, wondering how weird Jane sounds without being voiced by Minnie Driver. Perhaps it’s time I headed to YouTube… not for Whitey, though. I’d hate to stumble upon yet another unholy voice.)
Lord-Derpface, I really tried to be nice about this in the other thread and give you a chance to tone it down, but you have kept up the nitpicking of recaps/recappers after I asked you not to and now I’m annoyed. It seems like the vast majority of your comments on this site are complaints about the recaps or backhanded compliments, and that is not fun for any of us to read. If the recaps are not your cup of tea, then please stick to commenting on the games themselves.
(Also, just for the record, none of us recappers are as invested in nickname quality or consistency the way you seem to be — seriously, we’re just winging it a lot of the time, and sometimes we forget to use nicknames or just stop liking the ones we originally used. It’s not worth pointing out to us.)
On a lighter note, I loved this recap unabashedly, as I usually do. 🙂 I am impressed that Sam even attempted Sephiroth, which I never did, got all the dalmatians, which I gave two craps about, and beat Hades in one shot, which is f****ing amazing. I remember finishing that last tournament, attempting the Ice Titan (or, more aptly, as Sam named it, the Boner Titan) multiple times, saying “Fuck this noise,” and beating the damn game. What qualifies the good ending for this game, anyways?
As for the other Kingdom Hearts games, I don’t blame you for skipping all that card game hot mess that Square tried with whatever game it was called. Are you planning on trying out the remastered versions, even just for your own “enjoyment?”
My favorite line this time is totally random and only because I like Murder, She Wrote:
” And the Murder, She Wrote teapot sang a song!”
Hee. I can just imagine that teapot going around and solving murders, all of which have been caused by *@!*! (probably the wrong order of symbols, but you get the gist) in one of his many fits of rage.
I think my favorite part of this recap was the end where you described all the dramatics leading up to the optional bosses and their quick executions of Junior.
“Unlike the Cock Titan, however, its stomps leave big patches of ice on the ground and also hurt like a motherfucker, and poor lonely Junior dies after about 20 seconds of vainly gliding around its feet. So long, Boner Titan! I’m totally sad that I am too lame to defeat you!”
“I am very proud of myself that Junior gets in one hit with his Keyblade–which, thanks to his hidden life bar, does nothing–before the air around Sephiroth explodes in badass fiery glory and Junior drops dead to the turf.”
For those sentences (and the rest of the recap)… Thank you!
I’m glad everyone is enjoying the recap. So close to the end!
Demi: The good ending (i.e. the video at the end) requires you to lock every world (including 100 Acre Wood), beat the Hades Cup, and rescue all the Dalmatians. I believe the good ending in Final Mix, in keeping with the horrors of Kingdom Hearts II, requires you to complete Jiminy’s journal, which means getting all the Trinity marks.
And I’m definitely excited for the remaster of KH, as well as Wind Waker and FFX/X-2, but I have such an extensive backlog of games that they have to go on the back burner for a while. 🙁
Once again, I’m sorry. Maybe I should just stop commenting. I can never seem to resist the urge to nitpick, and all that my comments are accomplishing is pissing Jeanne off.
Don’t worry. You won’t be hearing from me again. But know that I will always be reading recaps and I will always be a fan of VGR.
Almost there! Man on man, I still remember how excited I was when the first KH recap went up, all those years ago. I’m happy to see you haven’t let the cheesy bullshit completely destroy you. Thanks so much Sam! 🙂
Also: Ku Klux Klanterns may have made me snort diet coke out my nose.
PS: I was sad that Junior had no comments about Sephiroth’s sexy Bass voice.
Btw, “man on man” was totally a spelling mistake… I stand by it, tho.
The nice thing about the KH recaps is that I get to laugh at the games and don’t have to play them myself. I don’t know why they thought Disney mating with Final Fantasy would somehow work… And it’s almost the end of the game, too? Felt like there was barely anything to the game.
And I’m glad Sephiroth got a short mention in the recap. I would probably attempt KH games if it didn’t have Cloud and Sephiroth in it. I had enough of their badly hidden UST in VII itself.
Man, “fan service masturbation trigger” is the best description of Sephiroth’s Masamune I’ve ever heard.
Great recap once again – Goofy’s inappropriate life bar boner was my personal highlight, but the whole thing made me giggle like an idiot.
Only one more to go…you can do it!
I totally understand the backlog problem. I have games from the PS era I haven’t finished, mostly due to the following: school, work, Pokemon, and WoW, in that order, I think. However, I can burn through some games if I force myself to, like Dragon’s Crown and Phoenix Wright (of course!).
Now that I know the way to get the ending, I am mad at myself for not getting all the dalmations, which is the only thing I didn’t do when I beat them game many, many years ago.
L-D: Jeanne didn’t ask you to stop commenting, she asked you not to nitpick, which strangely doesn’t seem to be a problem for anyone else.
Regarding the recap – “fanservice masturbation trigger.” Funny because it’s true. I’ve never been much of a Kingdom Hearts fan and to be honest the gameplay in the first one is just hinky enough that reading these and suffering vicariously is a lot more fun for me. XD