I’ve been working on this one for months. Now that I’m done with school, I have a lot more time to recap. Hopefully it will be finished soon, but in the meantime, here are a couple of excerpts:

Excerpt 1: Fighting over the guy in the fuchsia suit
Of course, none of that matters anyway. It’s time to explore the studio! Well, sort of. The next screen is actually the Studio One Entrance, a large arched gate with a welcome banner and a conspicuous security camera. Sure, there are times when video cameras are fun, Phoenix knows, but definitely not now. He is so ready for this day to be over. In the distance where the path splits is a large, decapitated statue with its freakishly grinning head lying nearby. The thing has kind of a Mr. Mime-ish quality to it, making it fit in perfectly with this game. A fallen tree partially blocks the path to the left, leading to Studio Two.

Suddenly, Gumshoe pops up right in Phoenix’s face, screaming, “Aren’t you that murderer from the other day!” Botched punctuation aside, Phoenix has to wonder if Gumshoe is really that stupid, or if he’s just being a dick — no pun intended — because Phoenix is boning his beloved Mr. Edgeworth. Maya thinks it’s the stupid option, although she’s politically correct and calls him “confused.” Not that he’s confused about his feelings for Edgeworth, as his next angry statement proves. “Hey pal, you know Prosecutor Edgeworth is all upset, and it’s your fault!” Wait, how did Gumshoe know that Phoenix bought the wrong kind of wine last night? Has Edgeworth been bitching about him to the detective? Lame! “I saw him sipping tea and staring gloomily out the window!” Gumshoe continues, adding one more unnecessary bit of evidence to the “Edgeworth is gay” argument. Phoenix inwardly sighs, wishing he could wipe that gloomy expression off of Edgeworth’s face. With buttsex.

Excerpt 2: Jeanne tries to make this boring investigation shit somewhat interesting
But first, I must finish examining the Employee Area. It’s a double screen, meaning that I can scroll over to see the rest of the area. The left side is a little bit more exciting, but there are still no naked male statues or gay cowboy paintings, much to Phoenix’s dismay. A painted backdrop leans against a tall concrete wall, surrounded by a bike, a ladder, and what appears to be a pile of wood. Finally, something Phoenix likes. There is also a small drain hole in the base of the wall, with its grate removed. Suspicious!

As much as Phoenix likes to squeeze into tight openings, all the lube in the world won’t help Phoenix get into this one. Disturbingly, he comments that a kid could fit through it. “Yeah, if you snuck in that way you wouldn’t have to pay at the gate!” Maya agrees enthusiastically, adding another level of wrong to this innuendo I’ve created. Perverted interpretations aside, neither one of our protagonists consider the possibility that any kid actually did sneak into the studio. While they could save a lot of time in the long run by pursuing that lead right now, that’s not the way this game works. Phoenix chooses to examine something much more interesting — the remains of yesterday’s lunch on the table. An icky graphic of the dirty plates accompanies Phoenix’s comment, “There’s a t-bone on one of the plates, minus the steak.” That’s right, there are two bones on the plate. Now we know why they caught Phoenix’s attention.

Phoenix uses the rest of his commentary to make fun of Maya’s immature behavior and her ravenous appetite. Thanks to said immature behavior, the two of them end up exploring Will Powers’s dressing room. Maya wants to loot the place for souvenirs — specifically the Samurai Spear. Instead of pointing out that the spear was used to impale manflesh — and not in a good way — Phoenix shrieks, “We don’t need a spear!” Someone is feeling a little bit inadequate.