Mace chuckles some more before putting a hand on Chesty’s shoulder and fixing her with an uncomfortable gaze for a few seconds. Then, at a nod from Gaignun and without another word, Chesty and Busty leave the room. Why did they even come here? Were they just dropping Gaignun off with the sitter before going shopping in the city? Are they going to turn up at fucking Moby Dick’s too?
The second the door closes, Mace tells Gaignun he doesn’t have good news: “There’s been some disturbing activity and not just from the remnants of [U-GEE].” Gaignun is completely unsurprised by this, and we pan to Canaan, who is suddenly in the room as well, also looking totally not shocked. “Under the circumstances,” Mace is telling both of them while he stares out the window melodramatically, “the peace treaty was our only choice fourteen years ago. But it was hardly a unanimous decision. Now we’re starting to see the strain from that within the Federation.” It took 14 years for anyone to regret that decision, when it wasn’t unanimous in the first place? I swear, sometimes these people act like 14 years ago was literally yesterday. Mace further cites a report from Captain Labia that there are armed factions up to…something or other, and that “The Second Miltian government is on full alert.” Wouldn’t they already be on high alert after a crazy man tried to crash a giant space station into their planet LESS THAN 24 HOURS AGO? How many country songs need to be written about this albeit unsuccessful terrorist attack for people to take it seriously?
Mace also suggests Gaignun and his people exercise caution, because “with the [GPP] emulators and the 100-Series Prototype in your possession, you’ve become the focus of a great deal of attention.” Oh, word? Gaignun and Jailbait need to be careful now? Seriously, what are we even talking about. But speaking of the 100-Series Prototype, Busty returns to the room at this exact moment, escorting MOMO. “The 100-Series Prototype,” Mace says, and Gaignun nods. Yeah, that’s her! He didn’t already know that or anything! Jesus, this game. MOMO enters and stands opposite Canaan, who keeps giving her this look like he cannot fucking believe someone else had the same data as him and yet he’s been getting daily CAT scans for a decade. “The preliminary examination of my internal data is now complete,” MOMO tells Mace. Canaan is still giving MOMO the hairy eyeball, and finally says, “A 100-Series Realian.” YUP, SHE SURE IS. Everybody caught up now? Does anyone else need to come into the room and state the obvious? MOMO replies, “You’re the Enhanced Memory Model, aren’t you? Nice to meet you.” Wait, Canaan is an enhanced memory Realian? And his memory is all fucked up? Nice. You had one job.
Mace can’t creep at MOMO that she’s grown up, because hello, so he instead chooses to say, as MOMO is fucking bowing at Canaan, “She does look more like her than the mass-produced ones do.” Man, she’s standing right there, don’t talk about her in the third person. Gaignun adds for the slow set, i.e. everyone, “Yes, she’s just like Dr. Mizrahi’s late daughter.” Getting so much new information in this scene! Mace has now settled into his luxurious, throne-like office chair, and murmurs, “Hmm…the hand of fate is a mystery.” I’ve got another hand for you, buddy, but it’s only got one finger available.
Finally, to the matter at hand. Mace thanks MOMO for managing to get to Second Miltia in one piece, and tells her she’ll be undergoing analysis at the U.M.N. Control Center. “We intend to do everything in our power to support the process,” he adds. Um, obviously? Don’t they want the MacGuffin Data as much as–or way more than–she does? Whatever. After MOMO thanks Mace (FOR WHAT) and leaves, Mace says he has something he needs “Nigredo” to do, namely “reconnaissance.” On what, we will see. Mace pretends to feel shitty about asking, but Gaignun replies as he too walks out, “No need to apologize. It is my family’s responsibility.” He saunters into the hallway, closes the door behind him, and concentrates (meaning he touches his fingers to his forehead, like all fake-ass psychics). As his eyes flash and we get a close-up on his fairly well-sculpted eyebrows, he mutters, “Now Albedo, where are you?”
‘Lie back and think of Second Miltia.’
I have to pause here. As far as the larger universe was concerned, didn’t Albedo basically not exist until he showed himself in the last game? Like, I’m sure Jailbait and Gaignun knew better because of their weird twin magic, but wasn’t he considered dead by everyone else following the events on Miltia? Why would Gaignun act all blasé about it like he’s done this for Mace hundreds of times? Why does Mace know everything, except for when he knows nothing? He’s like Shion, but a politician instead of an engineer.
ANYWAY. We cut to Albedo, wherever the fuck he even is. “Nigredo!” he breathes. Gaignun’s all, “Hey boo, miss you.” He notes that “unfortunately” Albedo sounds quite alive and well, and a split screen puts the black bishounen and the white bishounen back to back as Albedo replies, “And you’re glib as ever.” Oh, don’t you “glib” me, you smarmy fuck. They banter meaninglessly for a bit, and Gaignun half-assedly attempts to talk Albedo into a truce. “Oh, so now it’s peace talks, huh?” Albedo asks. “Didn’t McCartney say that, too? ‘Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony.’” I swear to god, you guys, he actually says this. Good to know that the go-to white male douchebag move in the future is still quoting the fucking Beatles. Also, it is sad, but not shocking to me that in 60xx Paul McCartney is still remembered but Albedo doesn’t bother mentioning Stevie Wonder.
Hot.
More banter. Albedo calls Gaignun “executioner,” and Gaignun insists he “shed that skin long ago.” I’m still pretty sure this is all pillow talk. “Is that so?” Albedo wonders. “You sure you’re not just hanging around Rubedo because you’re waiting for the chance to carry out your mission?” I’m preeeeetty sure we haven’t gotten around to what Albedo’s talking about yet, so let’s just be patient and let the two cryptic assholes be cryptic. Gaignun looks concerned and his frown deepens further when Albedo says he’ll be “borrowing” Rubedo soon. This whole series is just two guys fighting over a saucy redhead, plus an annoying lady in a miniskirt hanging around for some reason. “I don’t need you though,” Albedo adds. “Still, I look forward to your efforts nonetheless.” Gaignun finally grunts, “Wait! No!” He is absolutely not going to tolerate having his relationship with Jailbait threatened by some abusive jealous ex with a taste for dad music. Gaignun’s eyes flash again, and out in space Albedo’s arm explodes in a burst of viscera and purple light. I’m gonna assume that’s the arm he fingerbanged MOMO with, and applaud Gaignun for his sense of righteous justice, even though we already know it’ll grow back.
Immediately, of course, Albedo’s arm regenerates, though he is sure to inject the scene with plenty of crazed, vaguely erotic grunting. “You’ve always been two-faced, you know…” Albedo moans at Gaignun. “Offering life in the one hand and delivering death in the other. Too bad I can’t die.” How is he offering life and death, if he’s the “executioner”? And how is the “Horseman of Famine” (sigh) a harbinger of death more than the “Horseman of Death,” i.e. Albedo him-fucking-self, anyway? This is dumb. Albedo starts cackling like a maniac again as Gaignun’s Clone Vision fades, complete with wavy dissolve effect and ting! disconnect sound. Gaignun clutches his head, stricken with a psychically induced migraine, I guess. “So, he really intends to link with U-DO no matter what,” he mutters. “Still… What does he want with Rubedo?” What do any of us want with Rubedo? I mean, I’m not answering that. One of you is probably wearing a wire.
Speaking of Rubedo, we’re back to Moby Dick’s. Jailbait and CHAOS!!! are shoveling curry into their mouths like Shion has a gun to their heads. Jailbait proclaims that it “rocks,” and CHAOS!!! draws unnecessary throughlines for us: “I get it. So this is where your curry comes from.” Thanks, buddy. Don’t know what I’d do without you. Shion giggles in reply, “Figured it out, huh?” Well, he’s the one here who’s been forced to eat it before. I bet if Matthews were here he’d tell Boss that Shion was ruining his culinary reputation across the galaxy by bastardizing his recipe. (By the way, I don’t even know that Boss’s curry has seafood in it, but I have to assume it does, or this place makes even less sense.)
Shion, somehow, manages to get the subject off herself. It’s a miracle. “By the way, how’s MOMO?” she asks. “Is she done already?” The two boys exposit for mostly Shion’s benefit that MOMO’s exam will be tomorrow. She in turn exposits for their benefit, while looking forlorn, that she saddled Corey with the KOS-MOS paperwork. “It might take some time, though, depending on what else crops up.” You know she’s counting on them being just lost without her to walk them through all the modes on KOS-MOS’s areola weapons dials. But I’m really glad we’re getting this totally necessary scene of characters going over known information while eating fucking curry. #BLESSED.
Don’t forget, she’s talking about her vibrator.
Jailbait somehow picks up on Shion’s unhappiness with the situation, and she explains it away as having been with KOS-MOS for “a long time.” KOS-MOS Mark 2.5 has actually been physically awake for, like, less than a week at this point, right? Just saying. The camera cuts back to Jailbait, who wins my heart all over again by being fully engaged with his food and clearly not listening to Shion at all. CHAOS!!! tries to have a bit more sympathy, and asks Jailbait, “Think about it. What if you had to give up your precious Kahles scope? How would that feel?” KOS-MOS is so much more than a scope for a gun. She’s also the barrels, and the trigger, and the sensuous warm holster–crap, I do not need to be channeling Shion now, or ever. But Jailbait puts down his food and looks pensive. “Oh, that would be tough,” he says. “My wallet and my heart would both grieve.” I enjoy that even when Jailbait is taking Shion’s problem seriously, he’s not taking it seriously. Shion says with a bit of a laugh, “Please, do you really have to compare KOS-MOS to [Jailbait]’s collection?” Why not, lady? Same amount of stroking going on.
Just as Shion is relaxing, of course, the bell on the café door tinkles again, and after a completely pointless black screen, Jin enters the restaurant. (Jin’s civilian attire of choice, for the record, is a black kimono and wooden geta sandals with socks. Congratulations on being the only Japanese person alive in 60xx, Jin!) Boss is just about to tell Jin that Shion is here too, when they look over and Jailbait and CHAOS!!! are now the only ones at the table, and there’s an empty chair conspicuously pulled out. Jailbait takes no notice of Shion bolting from their table, and only after clearing his plate and draining his water glass does he stare wide-eyed with CHAOS!!! at their dining companion crouching in the corner, frantically making “Please fucking be quiet” gestures. Between Shion being terrible at gesticulating and Jailbait being occasionally obtuse, he tries and fails to guess what she needs, out loud, while CHAOS!!! probably tries to pretend he sat at this table by accident. Finally, he blurts out, “What are you trying to say, Shion?” She snaps back, “Not so loud!” and immediately clamps down on her own mouth. Was this series always such a hacky sitcom?
We’ve focused on that enough, thanks.
Of course, Jin hears this and rounds the corner to find his sister wiggling spastically on her knees on the floor. Alone, thank you. When he looks at her she covers her own eyes, like a baby who thinks not being able to see means she’s hidden. Nice job, girl genius. Finally, she gives up the ghost, only to weakly wave and say, “Uh, hi. Long time no see.” Jesus. Maybe their relationship is so strained precisely because she acts like such an awkward tool whenever he’s within four miles of her.
A black screen makes me think I’m maybe getting a break from the sibling reunion to hang out with Ziggy and MOMO or, worst-case, Mace Windu again, but we return to Moby Dick’s. Hooray. We fade back in on Jin and CHAOS!!! staring awkwardly at each other. Jin offers his hand and goes, “I’m Jin. Jin Uzuki. Pleased to meet you.” His tone is absolutely conveying that this is some kayfabe bullshit he’s putting on for Shion’s and possibly Jailbait’s benefit, in case anybody’s wondering why they would pretend not to know each other. CHAOS!!! answers, also doing the tonal equivalent of a wink, “The pleasure is mine.” Who even knows why this is necessary, but I guess we can let them have their fun.
Loading ...The two of them return to the table, where Shion is burying her face in her hands. Jin sits next to her and says, “So, you’re both with Shion. Tell me, has my foolish sister been causing you trouble?” Ha. Hahahaha. Shion is not at all pleased with him. “Quite the opposite,” CHAOS!!! insists. “You know, we’re actually very much in her debt.” Didn’t he and the rest of the Elsa crew literally save her life? Even if I weren’t a raging Shion hater, isn’t it fair to say that they’ve helped her just as much as she’s helped them? Wang, please. Jin is surprised to hear this, and adds, “You know, you don’t have to be nice just because she’s here.” I’m speechless. It’s like he’s trying to steal me away from Jailbait.
Shion is of course upset (and even I have to admit that was almost too mean just now) so Jin sighs, “It appears I’m not very welcome here, am I?” I gotta say, it takes big brass ones to sit down, immediately insult your sister to her face and in front of her friends, and then the second she objects, whine that she isn’t making you feel welcome. Jin is putting on a masterclass in Shion trolling. I can’t hope to compete. He also, for reasons I won’t pretend to understand, lightly punches himself on the shoulder. (A quick google indicates this is a reference to some old Japanese movie, but I won’t pretend I have any actual idea.) He will do this a lot, and though it’s an effectively meaningless gesture, I would feel weird if I didn’t bring it up. So now I have. Shion sputters indignantly but still attempts to mollify Jin’s feelings–so healthy!–but Jin cuts her off to ask Boss for an order of “extra spicy” curry. “Listen to me when I’m talking to you!” Shion yells in his face. SO HEALTHY. Jin insists he was listening and asks her to go on, and she shakes her head exasperatedly and sighs, “Forget it. It’s just not worth it.” SOOOOOOOOOOO VERY HEALTHY. I have never been so happy to be an only child.
It’s like he’s burping himself.
After yet another pointless black screen that elapses no time at all, Boss brings Jin his curry, and Jin starts in on Shion for not calling him when she got home. “I would have come to meet you.” Which both of them so clearly wanted, judging by how they’re acting now. “So, how long are you here, anyway?” he adds, his voice and facial expression positively bursting with “NOT LONG, I HOPE.” Shion protests that she’s been “busy” (true) and says she’s only in the city at all because of a “sudden assignment.” Isn’t she only in the city because they had to land here after saving the planet from extinction via crazed albino? Do I care? “I have to spend tonight getting ready for the return trip,” she adds, now fully committed to the lie that will set her free of her brother. That said, I don’t remember Shion saying anything before Jin arrived that would definitely expose this as a lie, but Jailbait still blurts out, “Huh? Hey, I thought you said…” before Shion kicks him under the table in the least subtle manner possible. She really has to reach, since his legs are six inches off the ground.
Jailbait silenced, Shion thinks she’s gotten away with it, and she seems to relax. Just gotta make it through this meal! Suddenly, her futurephone rings. I’ll just let Corey take it from here: “Hey, Chief, how’s it going? Listen, about KOS-MOS, it looks like the Tertiary Equipment code’s going to take a little while. Probably about two or three days, at least I’d say. So, I guess we can just take it easy for a while, ok?” Shion disappears behind her hands again. God, this is outstanding. Jin tries not to look too satisfied, while poor Corey once again wonders what he did wrong and why his precious chief is upset. Shion doesn’t yell at him, but does act put out at his “perfect” timing, and hangs up on him without explaining why she is unhappy about any of this. Just in case anybody was starting to feel sorry for her.
With what, by Shion standards, is a minimum of sniping, she testily agrees to come home, and Jin extends an invitation to CHAOS!!! and Jailbait as well. CHAOS!!! has clearly picked up on the dynamic here and looks like he’d rather do just about anything else–even hunt down the brigands who stole his penis–but Shion silently pleads with him from across the table, and he reluctantly agrees. I hope for their sake that Jin has a well-stocked liquor cabinet.
Finally, I am out of cutscene hell. Not that watching Shion squirm wasn’t enjoyable, but I do occasionally like to touch the controller while playing a videogame. I’m in control of Shion, who sighs one last time, “…Oh, all right. I’m really not in the mood for it, but I’ll go home for a visit anyway. It’s a little ways from the city, but not that far.” The text box feels the need to add the last of her monologue: “… … *Sigh*” POOOOOOOOOOOOOOR SHIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOON. We’ll leave her terribly uncomfortable visit home for the next recap, though. Coming up next: fun with the Global Busybody Campaign, more Uzuki family awkwardness, and MOMO’s analysis, which is going to go off without a hitch. Yes sir, no problems in sight.