Vyse takes the wheel and ends up getting just a little too excited over flying the ship. Yes, there are several double entendres here relating to how old the ship is and yet it’s still responsive, but I just don’t want to go there, okay? I have to draw the line somewhere. No, really. I do. “Heh…For someone who’s hardly ever been at the helm of a ship this size, you seem to know quite a bit, boy,” MwaAA says. I GIVE UP!
No comment.
MwaAA tells Vyse to sail northeast towards — wait for it — Sailors’ Island. I wonder where the hell Pippi is during all this. Why does Vyse get all the privileges…..oh. “Wait a minute. You could at least tell me the name of this ship…and yours while you’re at it?” Vyse says with a roguish (heh) grin. MwaAA is called Drachma, and hopefully the game designers won’t decide to change the spelling of his name from scene to scene. His ship is called…the Little Jack. Oh, the possibilities.
After the screen goes black, a couple of happy little sound effects inform us that not only has Drachma joined the party, but he has also allowed Vyse and Pippi to use his “Blue Moon Stone”. Yes, they put it in quotes, and that scares me.
A few random battles later, Vyse, Pippi, and Drachma arrive at Sailors’ Island. A happy waltzy tune plays in the background. In fact you might say it’s so happy that it’s gay. I wonder if the “Sailor” in the title of the island is of the Village People variety. Both Vyse and Pippi say that they’ve never been there before. Okay, it’s not that far away from Pirate Isle. Why have these people never been anywhere?
Drachma informs Vyse and Pippi that as soon as he restocks the ship, he’s leaving without them. I would think that this would be a good thing, since he punched Vyse in the face earlier, but the expressions on their faces are just as horrified as mine would be if I found out that Square was going to remake Final Fantasy X with a Tidus/Auron sex scene in it. “Hey, wait a second! We have no ship! Are you planning to just strand us here?!” Yes, he is — but not before randomly telling them about his plan to find a new cannon capable of defeating Rhaknam. And with that, he walks into the bar.
Rather than find another ship with a less ornery captain, Vyse and Pippi are determined to make Drachma change his mind. They decide to talk to people around town and see if they can find out any information that will accomplish this. Hmm…I wonder if said information will have anything to do with the new cannon?
Her lips remind me of when I was a kid and we used to get those malted milk easter egg candies and use them as lipstick.
After the screen goes black, another helpful message informs us that Drachma has left the party. Well, no shit, random message.
Vyse and Pippi’s first stop is at the Sailors’ Guild, where we learn about the fascinating discovery system in the game. Basically, you get money and fame for discovering hidden places scattered around the map. Moving on.
There’s a little kid named Pinta in the weapon shop, and he wants to find items from all over the world. It just so happens that Vyse is planning to travel around the world. They work out a deal where Pinta will search for items for Vyse, and the more places Vyse travels, the more places Pinta can search. Isn’t that neato? Unfortunately, I don’t have enough room on my VMU to do this mini-quest. Damn you, Dreamcast.
The 70’s are over, man.
In the ship parts store, the merchant (who, it appears, does not realize that the 70’s are over), is all “Hey, random people, I’m randomly going to offer to tell you some really cool information. Would you like to hear it?” Hmm, I wonder what this could be about? It just so happens that the Ship Parts Merchant in Valua is selling a “Harpoon Cannon”. Let’s see…..Drachma + Talking about a new cannon + Trying to kill a whale + Harpoon Cannon in Valua + Vyse and Pippi trying to get to Valua = WOW ISN’T THAT A SUPER COOL COINCIDENCE? Pippi also connects the dots, and it’s time to head back to the bar to make Drachma change his mind.
I thought it said ‘erotic wares’ the first time I read this.
Drachma’s still as bitchy as ever. He tells Vyse not to call him “Captain” since they’re not sailing together anymore. “Really? Oh, that’s too bad,” Pippi says. “I heard about a cannon that might be able to take out Rhaknam, but since you’re no longer sailing with us…I guess it doesn’t matter…” You go girl! Drachma is interested in her proposition, of course. Oh, get your minds out of the gutter. Vyse tells him all the stuff we already learned about the Harpoon Cannon and asks Drachma to take them along. Do I have to keep recapping this? I feel like I’m repeating myself even more than usual.
That doesn’t seem like the most appropriate position to assume around strangers.
Drachma doesn’t bite right away. Okay, get your minds out of the gutter again. He thinks the kids are just trying to trick him. Luckily, Polly, the buxom and overly made-up owner of the tavern, supports their story. Drachma is still skeptical, even though he and Polly apparently go way back and she isn’t in the habit of lying to him. “And besides, I can tell these kids aren’t lying by the looks in their eyes,” she says. Imagine that — someone in an RPG who can read eyes. Drachma finally gives in. He says that Vyse and Pippi will have to work all the way there. If I have to move any more boxes, I will scream.
Isn’t it time that we eliminate these racist stereotypes?
Vyse and Pippi make asses out of themselves by doing the secret Ass Pirate handshake thingamabobber in the middle of the bar. After the Ass Pirates give a round of thank yous to both Drachma and Polly, Drachma informs Vyse and Pippi that they’ll need an entry passport to get into Valua. Valua isn’t such a nice place to visit, as it turns out. Joy. Now it’s time for the second fetch quest on the island — finding a damn passport.
Unfortunately, because Vyse and Pippi are not too intelligent, the last place they check is the nearest and most obvious place. Yes, that’s right — it’s the game characters’ fault and not mine at all. The Sailors’ Guildmaster is the one who has the information. Getting a Valuan entry passport is not an easy task. It requires a background check and, according to the guildmaster, “can take up to a full lunar cycle”. I don’t know how the hell long a lunar cycle lasts in the game world, so let’s just say it’s a month, just like here. At any rate, it’s an amount of time they don’t have. And I doubt that Ass Pirates would pass any background check.
Pippi asks the guildmaster if he can just make a passport. The guy freaks out. “NO NO NO…No way! If anyone is caught making or carrying a fake passport, they’re executed on the spot!” Yes, that would be a good reason for refusing. Pippi puts this phrase through her Ass Pirate filter. “So, what you’re saying is that all we have to do is not get caught, right? Or, if we do get caught, all we have to do is escape.” No means no, Pippi. The guildmaster is afraid that the fake passport would be traced back to him, so once again, he turns them down. “You call yourself a Guildmaster, huh? You’re just a Valuan puppet…Let’s go find someone else!” Yeah, how dare that guy choose to follow the law! What a wanker! He should risk his life for a couple of random kids he doesn’t know!
Luckily for them, a man whose name is given as “Nasr Merchant” speaks up. He’s been standing at the back of the shop listening to their conversation. It just so happens that he has a legitimate Valuan passport that he doesn’t need anymore. What a handy coincidence! He’s willing to give it to them on one condition — that they escort him back to the Kingdom of Nasr (a desert island to the east, as I’m sure no pirate would already know). He’s afraid of the Black Pirate, Baltor, who has been spotted near Nasr. I bet that Vyse and the others will get him back safely without even running into this evil Baltor guy. Yeah.
Vyse and Pippi accept the deal. This keeps getting more and more complicated. I hope Dyne and the other Ass Pirates are just sitting around chillin’ and not being executed or something. Vyse and the others board the Little Jack, and the Nasr Merchant informs them, from his own ship, that Nasr is the island beyond the stone reef (the aforementioned wall of boulders). I have no idea how the merchant was able to communicate with them, so I’m just going to assume that they have walkie-talkies or something. The Nasr Merchant gives them a whole bunch of directions, which you don’t really care about, so I won’t bother to recap them in detail. They’re heading east — that’s all you need to know.
As soon as they pass into the valley before the island, who should appear but Black Pirate Baltor in his ship, the Blackbeard. Well, what do you know. It’s the most stereotypical pirate ship ever, but what do you expect from something called the “Blackbeard”? We join Baltor and his crew as they spot the two ships nearby. Baltor is a bad, bad man and wants to attack the Nasr merchant’s ship. He’s not too scared of the Little Jack. I wouldn’t be afraid of something called the Little Jack either. Not that Baltor knows the name of the ship, but I’m just saying. We get our first look at Baltor, the Black Pirate, and he’s not black at all! He’s a big white guy with a black beard and a stereotypical pirate hat.