The story left off at the immensely exciting point where Vyse and Pippi were just about to go to Shrine Island and check out the Moon Stone that crashed there.
Because I completely suck at finding my way around villages, dungeons, and buildings, I run about aimlessly until I find the pathway up to the ship. I wonder what Vyse’s neighbors and family think when they see him running around like a complete twit. It can’t be anything good.
Briggs the Vice Captain is standing right by the ship, ready to provide us with some exposition and directions to Shrine Island. All you need to know is that it’s to the north of Pirate Isle. Actually, you didn’t really need to know that. But, well, now you know.
The ship is a little peon ship, not the massive Ass Pirate ship because that would be a little excessive. Plus, I doubt Dyne would go for that.
Phallic object #1
Shrine Island is a dinky-looking island with a huge phallic tower right in the middle. A walkway over a small lake leads to the tower. Vyse and Pippi spot a giant hole in the side of the structure, and deduce that the Moon Stone crashed there. Vyse provides us with some more lovely exposition: “In the Old World, this island was a sacred place. These ruins used to be some sort of temple. Nobody’s been here for generations.” So even though this island is a very, very short distance from Pirate Isle, and everyone knew about it — including Vyse, the guy who wants to travel everywhere and see everything — no one bothered to check it out?
According to Aika — who has already heard of the place, and thus, did not require any of Vyse’s explanation — there are tons of monsters inside. Oh yay. She reiterates that she really likes treasure hunting, because the first several times she stated that weren’t enough for us idiots to really grasp that concept, and she can’t let monsters keep her away from such a prize. “Besides, how bad can it possibly be?” she asks in a famous-last-words sort of way.
Dude, it’s just water. Calm down.
The building is made of stone, with weird carvings on the doors. The giant Moon Stone hole is just to the left of the entrance, and a torrent of water gushes into the temple from the lake outside. The lower floors are flooded, and wouldn’t you know it, the Moon Stone is at the bottom. Because neither Vyse nor Pippi is Tidus, they can’t just swim to the bottom to get it. They have to find a way to drain the water out through the doors. In other words, I have to travel around the dungeon and solve puzzles.
Note to self: Next time, buy some extra healing items.
A switch on the ledge right above the entrance lowers the entire structure by one floor. I realize that recapping everything in this dungeon would be boring and pointless. I also realize that since the dungeon is about all I did in this hour of gameplay, I need to come up with some filler. The third thing I realize is that I just announced all my plans. Shit.
There’s really only one way to go, and that always makes me happy because of what I stated earlier about sucking at finding my way around. At various intervals along the spiraling path, there are these flame things that light up. They serve no purpose whatsoever, but I didn’t figure that out for a while. I think the game designers like to put crap like that in just to mess with me.
Whoever designed the monsters thought it would be fun to have a monster that would take half my HP off with one hit. And if that weren’t enough, someone smoked crack and came up with the brilliant idea to make a giant red floating fish that not only kicks my ass, but also barely takes any damage.
Outside the temple, the path leads around and down to a doorway that has water seeping out of it. I have a psychic flash that this is the door that will drain some of the water. Luckily, Vyse also senses this, and runs out of the way after opening the door. I think I’d pee my pants if I was standing that close to a bunch of rushing water. No, not because of the amount of rushing water would make me have to pee. It would be because I’m scared of rushing water. Although the other thing definitely wouldn’t help.
Unfortunately, that only cleared out one level of water, so now I have to find the other magical draning doorway. Walking climbing walking battling walking battling, and there’s the door. Isn’t this exciting? Hey, at least I’m not describing the random battles in detail. There’s a save point right in front of the door. I wonder if there is a boss battle coming up. I think it would be funny if an RPG had a convoluted dungeon with a save point right before a set of huge double doors leading to a battle arena or something….and then there’s no boss. This is probably why I’m not a game designer.