Ben tackles three separate dungeons and, let’s face it, probably an entire liquor cabinet in his latest Wild ARMs recap. And as a bonus, none of those dungeons really get the characters any closer to advancing the actual plot. Awesome.
Wild ARMs Part 6
09.18.13
Ah, the joys of reading a new recap of a game whose past recaps I haven’t completely memorized. It’s difficult to remember what the acronyms and the nicknames and such were for.
You should totally just call the Wand the “Wang”. Mostly because it’s more humorous to imagine Cesuelia beating helpless animals upside the head with a dildo, rather than a stick.
Also, I think that “Grappling Crotch” would sound better than “Crotch Grapple”.
It was very difficult (again) for me to pick the best part of the recap, as it was pure concentrated, wondrousness, but I decided to focus on the heart of this game: The Power Ranger Villains and Rita’s interesting new evil plan:
“It gets worse better. Remember Hy/iades, the homeland that was name-dropped by the Power Rangers Villains a few times? Well, turns out Mother Dearest wiped out that planet too, seemingly because she just felt like it one day. I’d hate to be around her at her time of the month. As the realization slowly dawns on her spawn that Mother isn’t quite the…thing they imagined her to be, she hits them with an even worse revelation–once Feelgayer has been destroyed, she plans to reward her children for their hard work by eating them. And yes, my mind just went to the Bad Place once again. “You will be burned in the eternal flames of your own mother’s appetite!” she screams, adding that “no other heaven exists in the universe.” That’s a somewhat liberal definition of heaven she’s using there. Also, it’s just occurred to me that I haven’t completed my ill-advised naming scheme by renaming Mother to Rita Repulsa yet, and in light of this scene it feels kind of inappropriate to do so. I mean, my memory of 90s TV is kind of fuzzy, but I’m almost certain no episode of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers ever concluded with Rita gleefully promising to devour her own offspring. Still, I’m aiming for some semblance of consistency in these recaps, so Rita it is.”
I really think Blankie needs to become Finster, even though he is way more competent than whatever Finster was, and that is saying something for this game.
Speaking of Power Rangers Villains and me being someone who hasn’t had the “pleasure” of playing Wild PENISes, I have to ask, have we seen all the villains in this game, or are there still more who haven’t been introduced? If it’s the former, then it’s a crime that none of the baddies have been nicknamed after one of the most iconic and recognizable Power Rangers villians (at least to me) and one of the only ones whose name I can actually remember off the top of my head. I am, of course, talking about Goldar.
Thanks for pointing out my numerous errors, L-D. I hope they didn’t affect your enjoyment too much!
demidaemon: Yeah, in hindsight I probably should have given Alhazad a different nickname. One of many “What the hell was I thinking?” moments when I read back my earlier recaps.
They’re not really errors. More like missed oppourtunities.
Well, Blankie is a fitting nickname, considering his appearance. And I’m not psychic, but the idea to nickname all the villains after Power Rangers villains probably hadn’t popped into your head yet, considering that we didn’t meet another villain until part 2, which was a year after meeting Blankie in part 1.
Don’t beat yourself up over it too much. It’s far from the worst nickname you’ve come up with. *points to FF4 recaps*
I’ve been trying to be more hands-off in modding the comments section, particularly with recap feedback. But I have to step in here and point out to L-D that you have commented three times in this thread, and all three comments can basically be boiled down to “here’s what you did wrong.” Is this really necessary? And your last comment about the FF4 recaps crosses the line into rudeness. Let’s stick to ripping on games and not recappers.
I’d like this space to be someplace we can all poke fun at video games without the conversation devolving into “let me tell you how much funnier I am.”
Thanks!
Also, just to keep this on topic, everything about the Wand of Animal Abuse is gold. I feel kind of guilty for laughing at the poor, fictional animals with head trauma, but there you go.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. Yes, I have been nitpicking a lot. I’ll try to watch myself in the future.
Despite my nitpicking, I did very much enjoy the recap though. Just ignore my nitpicking and keep doing what you’re doing. And that FF4 comment was supposed to just be poking fun, but it was worded poorly, and I can see how it would be see as insulting. Like I said, I’ll try to watch myself in the future.
And, yeah, for some reason, we get insane amounts of pleasure from doing bad things in video games. Like throwing Medli into walls in Wind Wanker or spraying people (including Peach) with water and jumping on their heads in Super Mario Sunshine.
Yeah, it’s kind of worrying how much fun it can be to do evil stuff in videogames. I just finished The Last Story, in which it’s possible to fire banana skins with your crossbow (just go with it). Anyone hit by a flying banana skin slips and falls over, including your own party members, children, and elderly people. As you can imagine, hilarity ensues.
It’s probably a good thing that I haven’t tried GTA5 yet.
Ohhhh yeeeahhh. I had a field day with that too. You can even use them against Ganondorf–I mean, Zangurak, to make the fight against him easier. Just shoot a banana at him, and then go to town on him while the “falling down and standing back up” animation plays. Makes getting the Zan Lance easier too.
Oh, and did you know that during the parts where Calista is following you, you can lure her into hitting her head on low-hanging signs?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxtNZOQ4NNo
Ha! No, I didn’t know that, but I did bash my head on that sign every fucking time I left the tavern. Even when I knew it was there.
Just to get back on topic, I’ve just realized I’m not even halfway through recapping Wild ARMs. I’m going to need a new liver when I’m done.
Ah, that was a great game. I need to replay it sometime. Not a New Game+ though. In NG+, giant enemies and bosses level up with you, meaning that bosses that were already hard become damn near impossible. I beat the game in New Game+ once, but never again.
Anyway, back to Wild PENISes. Again.
Speaking of the consumption of substances, that reminds me, I didn’t really get the “Dragon Chasers” joke. I know it has something to do with drugs, but I don’t believe I’ve ever heard of dragons being associated with drugs, be it a street name or something else. Mind filling me in?
If you would allow me to turn the topic back to The Last Story for a moment, I just remembered that you actually get REWARDED for being a douche. And a klutz. Every arbitrary number of people shoved, people banana’d, hitting your head on signs, and slipping on your own bananas gets you a handful of rare items or a joke weapon that inflicts statuses but can’t be upgraded until New Game+.
I probably should have linked to this in the recap itself, but here you go:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chasing_the_dragon
Ah, so it’s Asian slang. That’s probably why I’ve never heard it before.
I know this isn’t related to the recaps, but hey Jeanne, I think your twitter got hijacked by bots and started spending me (and presumably the rest of your followers) some dangerous spam. Just a heads up!
Thanks! I changed my password and deleted the spam messages. Sorry about that.
This is totally off-topic, but has everyone seen the new Anal Attorney trailer? AWESOME! Also, who else thinks Phoenix and Edgeworth are having a maybe romantic conversation over the phone? (this punctuation does not look right to me, but it is what I am going with.)
Heh, I saw the trailer, and played the demo.
MAAAAAAN.
Phoenix became one attractive man in the time between Apollo Justice and Dual Destinies. I’m betting Edgeworth pounces on him like a hungry dog on meat the second they meet again.
And, since I’m straight, (really!)I guess I should talk about Athena Cykes…. Uh… I dunno, she seems OK, too young for my tastes, though. I guess people around the age bracket as hers will like her.
I’m still stuck on the mustachioed pirate whale.
Okay, moving on from the character designer obviously having the highest high he’s ever highed during this game’s production…
Phoenix looks the same to me, except he’s in 3D now. And judging by that gold chain coming out of his shirt pocket (which I don’t believe was there before) he somehow got the money for a golden pocket watch at some point.
And as for that Athena chick, she doesn’t appeal to me either. I think it’s her hair. And maybe the fact that she dresses like a schoolgirl despite being in her early 20s, as far as I can tell.
And holy shit, if you thought being whipped in the courtroom was bad, there’s a new prosecutor who’ll sic a fucking eagle on you!
Oh, wait, not JUST an eagle! It’s a homophobic eagle! http://image.gamespotcdn.net/gamespot/images/2013/259/939946_20130917_screen022.jpg
And for some reason, about 20 spaces were added between each word in that last comment.
Playing the demo I’m sooo excited for Athena. I think she’s great. Also, she’s a lawyer herself and not some random tagalong so she actually has a reason to be as assistant. She’s spunky. October 24th can’t come soon enough… well, so long as I can blow my way through Rune Factory 4 first.