On the way out of the house that once belonged to OW-Cronabe, the guy who now lives there repeats his earlier ignorance of who Cronabe or his mom are. Which makes me wonder why the heck Cronabe is staying at his house.
Just a side note – the height, weight, and build is listed for each character, and they are amusingly inaccurate. The game designers have no idea what height and weight adds up to what kind of build. Case in point – Biotch is listed as 5’5″, 93lbs, and her build is apparently “ordinary”. I’d hate to see what qualifies as “slender”.
Of course, the journey to Termina can’t be simple. The party must travel through Fossil Valley first, where an excavation is going on. It’s nice that all the random people standing around don’t get attacked by monsters, even though I do. But whatever.
A guard asks if Cronabe and the others are the exorcists that were sent for. You know, these guards should just learn to ask such things as “Who are you?” Or at least ask for some ID or something. Of course Cronabe lies, and gains access to the upper area. Instead of exploring, I make Cronabe head to the exit. I don’t know why. Just go with it.
Yeah, shake it to me, baby! No wait, don’t.
Who should be standing right at the end of the path but Solt and Peppor, still whining and bitching about getting their asses kicked. Sometimes you just have to let it go. Okay, the obligatory amusing speech quirks of these two is as follows: Peppor replaces many of his verbs with the word “shake,” as in salt and pepper shakers, get it? So clever. And Solt says things are “somethingly something,” as in “stupidly stupid.” There’s a humorous little exchange where they are trying to remember what kind of outfit Cronabe was wearing (don’t ask why) and they spot Cronabe standing nearby and use him as an example. It takes them a moment to realize that the guy standing in front of them is Cronabe because they are the bumbling comic relief bad guy duo. And with that “wonderfully wonderful timing,” I get to fight another battle with them. Yay.
What wacky hijinks are in store for this battle? Learning from the last little mishap, Solt remembered to bring a black element along. Unfortunately for them, it isn’t a black attack element. As Peppor badly exposits, “It was a Black Element that makes your foe MORE SUSCEPTIBLE TO attacks of the opposite color attribute, WHITE, wasn’t it!?” I think I need that explained a little more clearly. This time, Solt forgot to bring a white element along, and so they’re back to square one.
After the battle, Solt and Peppor run away like sissies, making sure to use the word “shake” in a sentence one more time. We get it.
Cronabe and the others head back to the upper area, where they continue the whole exorcist charade. Another guard asks them to investigate a strange howling sound down below. Everybody’s all chicken about it, worrying about monsters or ghosts. Because even though 16-year-olds regularly deal with such things, even with little to no experience, the armored guards are too wussy. Makes sense.
…nightmares….
As Cronabe and pals walk around the area, something more terrifying than any monster or ghost leaps out at them. It’s a skull in a clown hat, complete with pink neck ruffle, makeup, and red nose. As if a freakin’ clown isn’t scary enough on its own. This character, undoubtedly the result of the character designer reading too much Stephen King and smoking copious amounts of crack, turns out to be the cause of the howling. He is also a psychic clown skull, because he makes a comment about Cronabe being dead as well. I’m truly scared. Creepy Clown doesn’t remember how he ended up dead or without a body, so he asks Cronabe for help finding his other body parts. This is where I would run screaming like a little girl, but Cronabe goes ahead and agrees.
::shudder::
Cronabe, who I’m firmly convinced enjoys screwing with nature (in a non-sick way, you perverts), picks a bellflower, and also takes a giant egg from a nearby….well, pile of eggs. Doesn’t look like much of a nest. Of course, he conveniently doesn’t notice the giant bird nearby. Whoops. After Cronabe slaughters it, it’s time to go to Termina. Finally.
Termina is a several-tiered town with lots of steps, flags, and flowers. The Viper Festival is going on. Upon entering the town, Cronabe and pals encounter a young man (whose name is given only as “Young man”) talking to a flower seller. She is all out of bellflowers because of the excavation going on in Fossil Valley. Young man, who sports the same criss-cross scar on his cheek as every other anime and video game character in history (see: Gremio), provides us with some exposition. “You have my sincerest apologies. I understand we are here to protect you as Acacia Dragoons…Those knights should be done with their work shortly.” The woman asks how Karsh is doing. Young Exposition man helpfully explains to the flower seller, as well as the nearby eavesdroppers, that Karsh went ghost hunting down south. In case you are a bit slow, that is referring to the little incident where he attacked Cronabe and all that. Also, Lord Viper supposedly ordered Karsh to go. In case you don’t remember, Lord Viper was mentioned in both Cronabe’s Arni Village and the other world Arni Village. But you should be able to remember, since I’m sure you read and memorize every single one of my recaps. So it looks like everyone in the whole damn world so far is a dragoon. Is Lord Viper the mysterious “he”?
Young Exposition Man says some more unimportant stuff and walks away. Randomly, some new music starts playing. It’s all boingy and stuff.
Cronabe talks to the flower seller, and since Young Exposition Man is gone, she is promoted to “Exposition Flower Seller”. Surprised that Cronabe doesn’t know who YEM is, she explains that he is “dear, sweet Glenn, a member of the Acacia Dragoons,” and is quite popular. How nice. Just a side note – no, he is not the same Glenn as in Chrono Trigger. So…..shut up.
The next several minutes are spent in various expositional conversations and scenes. Yes, I know I’ve used the word “exposition” about half a dozen times in the last two paragraphs, but that’s all that’s happening right now. So much story for such flat characters.
Geez, it’s not like they’re screwing.
Kid is waiting at the top of the next set of stairs. Yeah, that was a big shocker. She starts to make a comment about Cronabe making a “lovely lady” wait, and then she catches sight of Biotch. “Ahaa…….So that’s it,” she says. If this is another fucking love triangle, I’m going to hurl. “I get it! This sheila over here is yer sweetie, eh?” Kid asks. Oh dear, Kid sounds like Steve Irwin. He’s calling things “sheilas” all the time. He wears short shorts, too. And he’s obnoxious. Oh my God, Kid is Steve Irwin! (instant name change) Steve tells them that she doesn’t want to bother them on the date, and she walks off again. No one else says a line during or after this entire scene. It’s as if it never happened, except that I want to cry.
I approve of this.
A woman nearby is looking at a picture of Nikki, the famous rock star, and musing about how he looks like a girl with all his makeup. I like him already. Speaking of Nikki, his gigantic ship is docked over at the west side of town. But oh no! According to some guy on the ship, no one can find Nikki. That’s bad, because Nikki’s the star of the show and stuff.
Um, it’s called “drugs”…
Some guy in a bar mentions the “Frozen Flame” which, according to him is the “ultimate treasure in the world”. The Radical Dreamers are rumored to be after it. He calls them “notorious thieves” just in case we suddenly turned stupid and forgot all about who they are.
A purple-haired guy who is not Karsh is standing in the corner of the bar. His name is Guile, and he babbles some random stuff about an item in the manor and a bet with the fortune-teller. I don’t know why I’m even bothering to recap that. Let’s move on.
Some dumb chick at the element shop offers to sell Cronabe a ticket to Nikki’s concert, and when he says yes, she says that they’re all sold out. Well duh, dumbass, why did you offer it then?
A guy in the back room of the shop recognizes Biotch. He seems to be obsessed with mushrooms (possibly because he’s into shrooming), and he randomly tells Cronabe a big secret about a tree hole that leads to a place where rare mushrooms grow, and also….to Viper’s Manor! I wonder if this secret that this RANDOM guy RANDOMLY told me will ever have any significance in the game.
How about not, you scary ho?
It turns out that the dumbass girl at the element shop (Lisa) is a friend of Biotch’s. I’m not surprised. She thinks that Cronabe is Biotch’s boyfriend. Biotch tries to cover by saying that he’s her cousin. Whatever. What’s wrong with saying you’re just friends? Is everyone in this damn world neurotic? Cronabe goes along with this charade, and Lisa tries to get a piece of him. Oh, puke.
A fortune teller tells Cronabe that he may be the key to the planet’s destruction and that fate “seems to have a great task” for him. Wow, I’m so…..shocked. That’s never happened before in any other games. Gandy and Biotch have less interesting readings, although apparently Biotch will not find a boyfriend for a long time. ::snicker::