More adventures with the Nearly Naked Dullwings! You will be shocked to hear they don’t do much fiend-hunting for money! But I hope you enjoy my commentary on the pointless shit they do instead.
Final Fantasy X-2 part 11
08.15.16
4 thoughts on “Final Fantasy X-2 part 11”
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Awesome! I mean, I feel bad that you had to endure more of this game, but awes-the great Hawhat now? I have no shame in linguistic mockery, since everyone does it. Heheheheh, HABOOOOOOB.
No one would write a fanfic about Shelinda.
I felt compelled to search FFnet to test the veracity of that statement and can now confirm that Shelinda/Seymour fanfic happened once. I’m sorry to have to break this to you. Someone else also wrote one about Shelinda following Yuna around for the day, but I think Shelinda/Seymour is the more alarming of the two discoveries.
So the Cactuar Moms also aren’t just going to come out and say, “My kid is at the Luca blitzball stadium, trying to catch a Staryu.” Though that is almost certainly where they all are. Yuna’s just going to find 10 cactuar in one spot, staring at their phones and occasionally swiping upward.
Considering the Cactuar are pretty much borderline Pokémon themselves, that’s… creepy. Yet plausible. I dunno, as adorable and amusing as I find Cactuar, they pissed me off hardcore in X-2. Just like everything else. Fucking minigames, god. At least you can pretty much suck at the mini-games in this one and still win. Huge relief for me. Also, I have been away from this game long enough that what the FUCK, desert dolphin?
(I’m not certain I can see myself returning to this game anytime soon to actually beat it.)
As I sit here, I realize I don’t even know what the purpose of these missions is,
To make the player hate life. Or make them hate life even more depending on the pre-existing levels of hatred. I don’t think they really can legitimately justify the towering shitstacks of mini-games and fetch quests in X-2. It’s like they crammed all their bad, rejected ideas from previous titles into this one and slapped tits and ghosts onto it.
Okay, ONE funny thing: the FAQ has a section that is titled, “What makes Clasko so important?” How many paragraphs of “NOTHING!” would suffice as an answer here? Four? Five?
Better make it ten, just to be safe. I almost hate ripping on Clasko because his dub VA also voiced Tenchi from Tenchi Muyo!, and I liked Tenchi. Association and whatnot. But then again, Tenchi was not a useless Chocobo-fucker. (Brocobo? There’s gotta be a Chocobo equivalent for Bronies.) Now that I’m thinking of the show again, I’m thinking of how badass it would’ve been to have had a Moogle that transformed into an airship.
Also, the more I think of it and the fact that the Gullwings are pretty much meddling busybodies nosing around in everyone else’s affairs… this is like Mary Worth with half-dressed, slutty lesbians. Which I guess would’ve actually made Mary Worth a pretty amazing comic strip, but still a poor video game.
But the woman really takes the cake: “She can put up with anything. If the man leaves, the woman will leave too,” the box reads. Codependent Cathy here will bear any indignity, but the second her gross man, whom she clearly does not even like, bolts, she will meekly follow suit. Have we finally found a couple worse than Tightass and Yuna? Could it be?
Oh god, it’s like a gender-swapped Hix and Tengaar!
Also, the flash mob remark makes me think of that scene in Modern Family where Mitch dances to “Free Your Mind” and Cam gets pissed. Like, I kind of hope Yuna and her crew of little princess babies stop and do a group performance to “I Kissed a Girl” and Rikku whines at her from inside her butt.
Well, if they do, it’s tough shit for them, because Yuna doesn’t seem all that conflicted this time about dispatching her beloved former aeon-for-hire.
I wouldn’t be, either, considering which one it is. Fuck Hojimbo. If it were the Magus Sisters, though, I’d be a little more reluctant. They were good people.
I PAUSED AT THE WRONG MOMENT
No, this was exactly the right moment. Hey, for her, it’s a step up from… yeah.
“The only things thriving here are the monkeys,” he says. “To make matters worse, Cid ran off a while ago and hasn’t come back.”
Why does that make me picture Cid sitting in the shadows of Zanarkand like a creep, watching the monkeys fuck and choking himself? (Although that sounds more like something Brother would do, but pretty much everyone is horrible in this game anyway.)
I haven’t been paying attention to which ones are male and which ones are female, but I think it’s fair to assume the male monkeys are the ones sitting around visibly pining in the hope that someone else literally couriers them to sex, and the females are the ones who are seemingly fine and going about their business until suddenly there’s a man requiring all their attention.
I think the presence of Luna debunks that idea. She probably changed Sol’s name to “Alex” the second she met him.
Great recap, too bad the game had to actually exist and be played for it to happen. (Well, at least the battle system is fun, and I actually – unironically – enjoy 1,000 Words and the crashing tsunami of syrup that is the concert scene.) I guess every horrible rejected idea from previous FF titles plus a shitload of LSD makes even the most horrible idea seem like a winner to the right developers, though.
Somehow, you have managed to capture the tedium and frustration that is this game’s MO while actually making it entertaining!
That bit about Shelinda and fanfiction was my favorite part, but, with Accidentally the Sun’s research, I am now officially disturbed and frightened. TMYK…or really wish you didn’t.
Oh, it got worse. I found Shelinda/Yuna on Archive of Our Own. It was smut.
…Okay, so maybe that’s still not as bad as Shelinda/Seymour anything… but someone wrote smut about Shelinda. If I have to know that shit exists, so does everyone else.
Jesus, why? I’m crying tears of blood right now. (Not for the sharing–totally understand that. Because of its existence.)