Phoenix sifts through the files some more and finds a bunch of newspaper clippings under the filing “Suicide.” Apparently every cutting describes the suicide of some influential or well-known person. Mia has scrawled “White” on all of them. Phoenix can put two and two together here, and for once he didn’t come up with seven. But speaking of White, when Phoenix looks for a file on him, he finds that the entire W section of Mia’s filing is now gone. “Was it taken…?” Phoenix wonders. No, I bet that Mia just didn’t have anything to file on anything or anyone starting with W. Jesus, Phoenix.
Stupidly, Phoenix decides to return to Bluecorp and shove this in Redd White’s face. Because the obvious thing to do with this information is use it to confront a man who’s already threatened you, giving him more reason to harm you, and giving him ample time outside the courtroom to come up with a way to explain away this evidence. Brilliant, Mr. Attorney. At the outset White even warns him against saying anything stupid, lest he pay for it, but Phoenix can’t be deterred. He shows his borrowed newspaper clipping to White, which describes a politician committing suicide. The politician was an embezzler, and one day the press got wind of what he was doing. How, I couldn’t begin to guess. So he killed himself, and for some inexplicable reason Mia found this interesting and wrote Mr. White’s name on the clipping.
After explaining to White how Mia’s files at work were stuffed with clippings just like this one, Phoenix chooses to accuse him of blackmailing hundreds of people with his bought information. “You were involved in all of the suicide cases that Mia investigated!” he cries, with nothing to go on except that Mia wrote his name on all these cuttings. But whatever. “This company is built on blackmail! I’m right, aren’t I?” Everyone in this room, including the inanimate naked statues, knows that he is. But that doesn’t mean White is going to break down and confess. “What a bizarre accusation,” he says, throwing up his hands. “Mr. Wrong…What is it that you should be doing now? Investigating me? No no no. I think not! You should be searching for the one who killed Miss Mia!” And with that, he presses the button on his desk to inform his secretary via intercom that Phoenix will be requiring an escort out of the building. And he really should just leave before his need to be right about everything gets him into trouble, but I’m not given the choice to make him haul ass out the door. Phoenix blurts out to White, “You are absolutely right. I should be looking for the killer now. And actually, I’ve done better. I’ve found him. He’s sitting right in front of me.” I’m still confused as to why Phoenix would say this to White when they’re alone in this room, and not in a full courtroom. I think his not being very bright figures into it.
White denies everything, obviously, from hiring April to spy on Mia, to killing her, to stealing her files. Again, why would he do otherwise? In addition, he hits his intercom button again. “We won’t be needing an escort for Mr. Wrong,” he says. “Instead, please connect me to the public prosecutor’s office.” When this is done, the prosecutor on the other end, sounding quite agitated, says, “White? That you? What are you doing calling me at a time like this!?” White, who has been smirking and winking for so long that I fear he may be in the middle of an epileptic seizure, replies, “Hello. Chief Prosecutor? I’ve changed my mind. I want to testify tomorrow.” The Chief Prosecutor isn’t getting it, so White goes on, “The Mia Fey case. I witnessed the murder, you see. And, thus, as a very important witness, I would like to testify.” Phoenix obviously isn’t understanding this any better than the prosecutor on the phone, or he wouldn’t still be in the room. White asks that the police be sent to Bluecorp immediately, to arrest a “dazed” and “violent” looking man in his office. “The executioner! The hatchet-man! The liquidator… The killer, man!” White expounds into the phone, reminding the Chief Prosecutor in less-than-subtle language that he owns his ass and is calling the shots here. Phoenix, despite the presence of the “Oh fuck” music for the last five minutes, is only now starting to get what’s happening through his molasses-filled brain.
“Did I not tell you, Mr. Wrong?” White says. “You are a mere lawyer! As was Miss Mia.” Phoenix screeches “How dare you!” like he was just accused of dyeing his gray hairs. “I’ll point the finger at you, and you will be tried as Miss Mia’s killer!” White continues. “The case is as good as settled. No lawyer of any worth will defend you.” Phoenix’s reply to all this? To say to himself, “I…I feel faint.” If he “passes out” so his head lands between the legs of that naked statue over there, I hope someone takes a picture. Moments later, Detective Gumshoe shows up to arrest his old pal “Hairy Butz,” the murderer of Mia Fey, according to this pink-suited guy who has no proof. And that’s good enough for Gumshoe!
Over a black screen, Phoenix laments this sudden twist of fate. Phoenix’s trial begins the next day, at which he is sure Edgeworth and the rest of the shitty justice system will be complicit in Redd White’s scheme to frame him for murder. “An attorney was assigned to me by the state, yesterday,” Phoenix tells us. “I refused. I had an idea.” Am I alone in thinking his idea is probably to persuade Edgeworth of his innocence during a conjugal visit?
Speaking of visits, Maya is here to talk to Phoenix. Talk only–don’t listen to those silly Phoenix/Maya fans. Phoenix is pleased to see they’ve let Maya out of jail, only we have the same view of the visitor’s room that we did before–that is, we see Maya sitting on the side with the bars and the guard. I suppose it is possible that the other side of the room looks identical, and that it’s not just because the artists didn’t want to design a whole new backdrop for the one scene in the entire game in which Phoenix is in the pokey. Maya’s all happy that she’s not in jail now, but Phoenix says to her, “Hah. Now I’m afraid we’ve switched places.” Maya is either also confused by the backdrop, or is incredibly stupid, because she answers, “What? You mean, you…?” What, did she think he was sitting in jail voluntarily for the open showers ambience?
Well, Maya is just enraged at the news once Phoenix tells her he’s sitting in jail because he’s been arrested. Jesus. “How many people does that man need to destroy before he’s satisfied!?” she yells. “My mother… My sister… And now you! This has gone too far!” Don’t forget yourself, Maya! Or the lawyer who wouldn’t defend you out of fear of blackmail!
Phoenix would prefer if you didn’t.
At this point, Maya asks if there is anything she can do to help Phoenix out. A few options come up, none of which is “Ask Edgeworth if he will wait for me.” Sigh. He can ask if Maya will a) defend him in court, b) cheer him on, or c) help him escape from jail. Only the middle option is anything less than absurd, so let’s go with that. Of course, Maya takes him completely literally and is all ready to go mug a high school girl for her cheerleader uniform when Phoenix calls her back. Not that he’s not happy to have at least one person who believes him, but a teenage girl in a miniskirt is not really the comfort he needs. Maya does agree to come to court the next day, if only so she can confront Redd White and tell him off. Oh, I bet he’s shaking.
And now, in his solitude, Phoenix goes a bit further into his downward spiral and lapses into Wankese. “It’s the beginning of a new century, yet with crime it’s the same old story,” he says to himself, thinking the black screen turned him into Humphrey Bogart and ushered him into a film noir scene. “In fact, it’s gotten worse. Lengthy court proceedings are no longer realistic. Beginning a few years ago, a limit of three days was put on initial court trials. Almost all finish in a day. Most with a guilty verdict.” Well, as we’ve seen, the trials only seem to last more than five minutes if pesky defense attorneys insist on their clients’ innocence, so that statistic isn’t too surprising. And finally, he mutters, “I never thought I would end up in the defendant’s chair myself.” Only he already had been, as we know from the third game. Oops. But Phoenix isn’t really thinking clearly–he knows it’s him or Redd White in court tomorrow, and that he doesn’t have much of a chance. But he’s plucky! And on the side of justice! And his boyfriend on the opposite side of the courtroom will surely save him!
The next day, Maya has her fists balled up and her Determination Face on for Phoenix’s big day in court. Phoenix, though, seems surprisingly laid back. Did Edgeworth actually pay him a visit last night? That would do wonders for his mood. “One way or another,” he says, “this case gets decided today.” Stating the obvious must be a calming mechanism for Phoenix, like taking deep breaths or thinking about Edgeworth wearing a cravat and a smile.
Speaking of Edgeworth, Maya squeaks and vacates Phoenix’s vision as the prosecutor comes over to have a chat. Edgeworth informs Phoenix that, according to his superiors at the prosecutor’s office, Redd White is supposedly telling gospel truth and is beyond reproach. “No matter how you try to attack his testimony…” he says, looking like he’s feeling a little dirty, “If I raise an objection, I have it on good faith that the judge will listen to me.” Phoenix assumes this means the judge is also in White’s pocket, but since when has the judge had any motivation, or logic, behind his actions? Exactly. But regardless of where it’s coming from, Phoenix can see the writing on the wall: he’s going to lose no matter what he does.
‘No ass to mouth.’
Edgeworth puts on his serious face to tell Phoenix, “I will do anything to get my verdict, Mr. Wright. Anything.” And he means anything. Wink. Maya puffs up in outrage at his callous treatment of this obviously innocent man. “‘Innocent’…?” he throws back at her. “How can we know that? The guilty will always lie, to avoid being found out. There’s no way to tell who is guilty and who is innocent! All that I can hope to do is get every defendant declared ‘guilty’! So I make that my policy.” In other words, he’s doing his fucking job. It’s kind of sad that he has to explain this. What, is he supposed to have psychic powers and know which defendants are telling the truth? What kind of idiotic, unrealistic legal system would rely on psych…ah. Never mind.
“Edgeworth…” Phoenix says to the intense, frowning, hot man before him, “You’ve changed.” We get an “Oh snap, no he di’n’t” sound effect at this and everything, as Phoenix has just revealed something anyone with half a brain should have figured out by now. Maya, who does not have half a brain, goggles at them. “Hmm? Phoenix! You know him!?” she demands. “Biblically,” no one responds. Sigh. Walking away, Edgeworth says, “Don’t expect any special treatment, Phoenix Wright.” That’s right–Edgeworth is a professional! It doesn’t matter how many times they’ve screwed on the judge’s bench after hours! No special treatment!
Maya is still agog at this revelation, but Phoenix clearly doesn’t want to talk about it. He throws Maya further into shock by telling her he’ll be representing himself. Now Maya’s really scared–he doesn’t even have a good lawyer to help him now! But all she can do is follow him into court.
Once court is brought into session, the judge asks Phoenix if he’s really, really sure about this whole self-representation thing. Phoenix says he is, and the judge is like, “Okay, cool. I’m required by law to ask you that, but I don’t really fucking care. Let’s hurry this up–there’s a Matlock marathon on A&E.” Obliging the judge, Edgeworth says in his opening statement, “As the details of the event are already quite clear to the court, today we will hear the testimony of another witness to the defendant’s crime.” The judge accepts this without a blink, but Phoenix is already sensing shenanigans. He objects: “Mr. Edgeworth, you owe an explanation to the court! Why didn’t this witness testify in the trial against Ms. Maya Fey!?” Edgeworth does that little hair-shaking shrug that makes Phoenix feel funny in the pants, and basically says he didn’t call this witness because he figured his case against Maya was fine without him. Again, the judge just swallows this too, without bringing up that if Mr. White was even considered as a witness in the last trial, he either would have contemplated perjuring himself then, or is about to do so now. The point is, there’s some obvious lying going on here, and between the prosecutor and judge being in on it and Phoenix being too stupid to point it out, this isn’t looking good.
Redd White, in all his lying, winking, pantsless glory, is called to the stand. It takes an increasingly impatient Edgeworth three tries to get the witness to state his name for the record, since for White it’s much more fun to not answer and use words like “locutions” and “personage.” Finally, after flashing his ugly-ass rings a few times, he answers, “My name is Redd White. But my friends call me Blanco Nino.” Phoenix should really object here: this man has no friends.
After lying with disturbing ease that he did not know Mia Fey and that he witnessed the murder from April May’s hotel room, we begin with Mr. White’s actual testimony. Phoenix frets that he is screwed if he can’t tear apart what White says. How hard can it be? Most of the time Phoenix has to figure out whether a person is being truthful, and then prove they’re lying. We all already know White is lying. Half the work is done! Flashing his rings once more, White says, “I hope you have made your peace with God, Mr. Lawyer!” Phoenix doesn’t have much to say to this, which is probably a good thing–if he had opted to throw back a witty retort, it likely would have come out as several seconds of open-mouthed silence, followed by “No, YOU are!”
White’s first testimony is pretty straightforward, though it does involve the non-word “perusifying”: he was at the window, saw Phoenix chasing Mia around, and then he and April May watched as he clubbed her over the head with “The Thinker.” Basically, it’s the same account April gave at first, except now White’s there and it’s Phoenix, not Maya. How convenient! It’s almost as if this story was decided upon in advance and they’re filling in the culprit to suit their needs! Naaaaah.
Of course, the judge is a dimwit and nothing seems fishy to him about this account. At least he allows Phoenix to cross-examine. Phoenix presses on everything, but makes no headway until he asks White to clarify what the chase and subsequent struggle looked like to him. “The victim was attacked, by you, and ran to the left,” White explains. “You gave chase, and struck her down!” The detail about Mia running to the left is added to White’s testimony, so now Phoenix can dispute it. He presents April’s testimony, in which she says Mia ran to the right, not the left. Yes, this is a contradiction, but from the shit-eating grin on Phoenix’s face, you’d think it was a lot more solid than it is. This is a testimony from a woman who we already know lied in court, and that same testimony also involved Maya beating down Mia, not Phoenix. But whatever, these idiots are all buying it. More to the point, Phoenix brings up the floor plan of Mia’s office to show that Mia would have been running away from the door if she’d run to the left, which seems like a stupid thing to do.
Phoenix insists that White has been caught in a lie, even though the lie depends on believing the testimony of someone who is currently in jail for perjury. But no one seems too bothered by that, except for White, who is muttering to himself about how sure he was that Mia ran left. Maya thinks he’s really being truthful. But how could he have seen it the way he did? It couldn’t be that April May was full of shit, so there has to be another explanation. After a moment, Phoenix has it. The judge asks him to explain this contradiction, and he answers, “Both are right.” Phoenix explains to Edgeworth and the judge that White must have witnessed the murder from a different location, if he saw Mia run in a different direction. Bringing up the floor plans again, Phoenix shows where White was standing–duh, directly where the map shows that the killer stood.