So after the game starts with the clichéd “it was all a dream” sequence, we get our first glimpse of Cronabe’s house. It’s all island-y and stuff. That’s the best way to describe it. Circular house with a thatch roof, view of the ocean, etc. The music is so relaxing I think I may fall asleep. Cronabe opens the shades. Cronabe’s mom, Marge, tells him that someone named “Leena” stopped by to see him. Apparently he had promised to meet her, but then slept in. Marge tells Cronabe that he shouldn’t break promises. The twinge of nausea hits my stomach as I experience the Dread Foreshadowing of the “childhood friends where the girl wants the guy and they make promises to each other” subplot. “Girls can be pretty scary if you make them angry!” Marge tells him. I don’t know whether to feel empowered or stereotyped by that remark.
Cronabe walks around the village, which is indeed a tropical-looking village, and everyone he talks to says something expositional about various places in the world. Several of them also go into these monologues about how things might have turned out if they’d taken a different path in life. In other words, every one of these conversations turns out to have Deep Meaning, but at this moment, I have no frickin’ idea what they are talking about.
A guy who caught a gigantic sawfish gives Cronabe a Komodo scale after Cronabe kisses his ass. Not literally. In talking to various people around town, it turns out that Komodo scale necklaces are the latest rage among girls in the village. Because, as you know, all us females just want fancy jewelry and crap.
Yeah, suuuuuure.
Let’s see, some guy mentions General Viper and the Dragoons, another mentions the dastardly thieves known as the Radical Dreamers (I know that name strikes fear into my heart). Other subjects mentioned are the Porre army, the Hydra swamp with its dwarves, and the dancer Miki (the dirty old man wants to see “them” jiggle…her arms, that is (but don’t tell Grandma)).
Dude, it’s just a fucking save point.
Some guy in a house gives Cronabe some random-sounding advice on getting Komodo scales. But it’s not random at all! He’s telling Cronabe how to solve the puzzles at Lizard Rock! But I’m not supposed to know that yet, so just forget I said anything. A guy in the basement of that very same house goes on a long monologue and gives Cronabe an amulet that he made 10 years ago when he decided to become a fisherman. I don’t even need to tell you that this will have significance later on.
We also find out that Cronabe was attacked by a panther demon when he was little and was afraid of cats after that. Luckily, he overcame that fear. As an old woman tells him, “Girls will think you’re a weenie, running away from cats!” And I’m sure Cronabe doesn’t want any girls thinking he’s a weenie.
There’s a doghouse belonging to a poofy pink dog. If that dog is a male, it’s the gayest dog ever.
Cronabe gets a battle lesson from the Village Chief. Well, actually, I’m the one getting the lesson. I already know all this crap, so why am I sitting through it again? Oh, right, I’m trying to be thorough.
Wow, that sounds so scary.
The pink poofy dog who may or may not be the gayest dog ever is running around the area. Cronabe gives the dog, Poshul, a Heckran bone. Yeah, I found the damn bone in someone’s house. So I didn’t give every little piddly detail. Sue me. Poshul joins Cronabe’s party and becomes Gandy, named after my own dog, who is not pink and poofy. Incidentally, Gandy (the game Gandy) is a female, but speaks with a lisp. I am confused by this strange gay dog.
She’s got her priorities in order.
Cronabe and Gandy head to the pier, where Leena is babysitting. Leena snits that Cronabe is late and he had promised to get her some Komodo dragon scales. Cronabe wisely says nothing. Beeyotch then goes into a monologue about how things used to be so fun and easy when they were kids. Yeah, I bet life is really rough when you’re 16 years old and sitting by the ocean all day. Boo-fucking-hoo. But the important thing now, Beeyotch tells Cronabe, is not their childhood, but her Komodo-scale necklace! Way to know the important things in life. She somehow tries to tie this into her philosophical monologue, but Cronabe and I don’t buy it.
She guilts Cronabe into getting her some Komodo scales at Lizard Rock. What a pushy bitch. At least Cronabe only has to find three scales.
Cronabe and Gandy head to the world map where we get to hear a groovy island rendition of the Chrono Trigger theme.
Lizard Rock has lots of colorful plants and palm trees. Well, I don’t know if they’re palm trees, because they look kind of funky, but just go with it. There are monsters running around and I am happy that I can at least see the monsters before I am attacked. I hate random battles. I know about 15 “old school” RPGers just opened up their e-mail programs to berate me for not liking random battles. Calm down. I’m a female who likes RPGs. There, all better.
Cronabe pushes a rock out of the way, and the next several minutes are spent hunting down Komodo dragon pups and murdering them so some bitch can make a necklace out of their scales. I am angered at being put in this position. It’s one thing to fight when you are viciously attacked by wild creatures, but I take offense at having to hunt down innocent creatures – young creatures, no less – that are actually trying to run away from me. But the game would end if I didn’t go through with the slaughter, so I angrily continue.
Cronabe uses his problem-solving skills (plus the “random” hints given previously by that one guy) to chase down all three of the Komodo pups. Then, my stupid analog controller craps out on me for the last time in the middle of a battle. Now I have to buy another one because I hate using the regular controller. I sulk as I hook it up.
The mother Komodo attacks Cronabe after he murders her children, and he adds her to the pile of carnage. Oh, but at least Beeyotch will have her pretty necklace now.