Final Fantasy X-2

Part 1

"Oh Yuna, you sang and our ears started bleeding…"

Through the cinematic wonder of Yuna’s thighs and the usual overdose of tutorials, the guiding premise of the game–cute girls swapping magickal wardrobes–is established, only to be blasted to tiny pieces five minutes later because that’s how long the game designers can keep their stories straight. We meet some new characters, become reacquainted with some old ones, and I become very reacquainted with my liquor cabinet.

Posted on 06.09.04 by Sam

Part 2

"Return of the Blitzbong."

Yuna makes her much-awaited return to her hometown, so we can check in with our “favorite” characters from Final Fantasy X. Apart from the Pregnancy of Nightmares, not much has changed with Wakka and Lulu. Seriously. After taking care of business in Besaid, we return to the scene of the travesty from Part 1. And then it gets worse. Please pray for my sanity.

Posted on 07.04.04 by Jeanne

Part 3

"We’re on the Highroad….to Hell!"

The girls head out of Luca for the thrill and excitement of the open road. They’re on their way to a meeting with the oft-mentioned Youth League, and the leader of the Youth League, Nooj. I’m sure it’ll be worth all the random battles, hair pulling, and screaming I did along the way and not some huge chunk of game filler salted with exposition, but you’ll just have to take my word for it.

Posted on 11.01.04 by Kelly

Part 4

"Spira: Unemployed and lovin’ it!"

Yuna continues on her annoying quest for self-discovery, and on the way to Zanarkand she, Rikku and Paine show us more “changes” to Spira and its populace. The biggest change would be that since Sin is gone and there’s no constant cycle of rebuilding their destroyed homes, nearly everyone in Spira is a welfare layabout. Come back, Sin. For the good of Spira’s economy.

Posted on 12.11.04 by Sam

Part 5

"Old friends and new wankers."

We spend the recap finishing up the rest of the godforsaken filler and finally find a tiny bit of plot. Yuna retraces her pilgrimage all the way to Zanarkand, where things aren’t as depressing as Yuna would like it. There are also whiny pedos, cracked-out instrumentalists, weaselly merchants, pissy Ronso, pretty young men and women, and insane ex-summoners. Yay for Spira!

Posted on 12.26.04 by Jeanne

Part 6

"The most awesome AWESOM-O sphere!"

The Gullwings have landed in lush, sunny Kilika Port hot on the trail of the AWESOM-O sphere. Will they get to it in time? Will the sphere be all that and a bag of shoopuf chips? Or will it be a huge, wanky letdown that will leave your recapper screaming in pain? Find out!

Posted on 04.24.05 by Kelly

Part 7

"Gauntlet of Pain"

If only I were just referring to the Gunner’s Gauntlet with that title. Oh no, it is so much more. Join our sphere hunting heroines as they completely put off any sphere hunting in the name of Yuna’s Honor, famewhoring and helping buxom ten year olds wrangle chocobos. Yeah, it’s all as fun as it sounds.

Posted on 06.13.05 by Sam

Part 8

"Put down the new Harry Potter book and read my freaking recap."

The Dullwings continue their Chapter 2 quest to obtain Lesbianc Syndicate uniforms. And in this installment, they actually get one! I know! Too bad the other 99% of the recap is taken up with a Youth League HQ visit, another Tobli mission, and mucho fanboy pandering. Beggars can’t be choosers, I guess.

Posted on 07.17.05 by Jeanne

Part 9

"Because I’m in lesbians with you."

One of the prominent themes in Final Fantasy X-2 is, “Themes are for boring nerds–let’s show some hot girls pawing at each other.” And that mantra resonates throughout the end of the game’s second chapter. Hot spring frolicking. Motorboating. Erotic massage. “The heel.” So put on some Indigo Girls and get in the mood for young cousin love.

Posted on 02.17.13 by Sam

Part 10

"Beardception: Beards within Beards"

It’s been a long time since I last visited Spira, but not quite long enough to recover from the trauma of recapping this game. The Gullwings’ third lap around Spira starts off with the usual unpleasant minigames scattered among the recycled scenes and general filler, nothing we can’t handle. Then the game designers make the puzzling decision to cram a bunch of half-assed and offputting heterosexual pairings and love triangles into what passes for the plot. I know we complained about the gratuitous lesbian scenes last time, but this is not the answer. If that weren’t bad enough, Exposition!Man shows up just to tell us the worst thing ever.

Posted on 11.13.15 by Jeanne

Part 11

"Your Friendly Neighborhood ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"

Who would have thought that the new-and-improved Friendly Neighborhood Gullwings would turn out to be the same wishy-washy, aimless drifters they’ve been for the entire game? Not any of us. No sir. To dash our high expectations, our three heroines near completely ignore their stated goal of fiend-hunting for cash in favor of even more tedious mini-games and meddling in everyone’s personal affairs. And when I say everyone, I mean it. No species is safe.

Posted on 08.15.16 by Sam