Next thing, they’re walking down a residential street as Chie complains about Inaba being a shithole backwater with nothing to do. I don’t know, it sounds like she and Yukiko could learn to occupy their rainy evenings pretty quickly. Against a picturesque backdrop of fields and power lines, she recalls that the town is actually famous for one thing: “There is something from Mt. Yasogami…I think our dyed clothes or pottery or something is kinda famous.” Fascinating. Suddenly, though, she notices Yukiko standing next to her and remembers the real pride of Inaba — her family’s inn. Yukiko predictably downplays its success, but Chie insists it’s the only thing keeping the town’s economy ticking over, having appeared in all sorts of travel magazines. Well, Gary hasn’t read any of them. She then excitedly tells him that Yukiko is primed to take over running the place one day, something Yukiko herself doesn’t seem quite as enthusiastic about. I’m sure this will never be touched upon, however.
Oh, we all know whose hidden treasure you’re interested in.
Now she’s finished shilling her girlfriend’s family business, Chie attempts to work out whether Gary is a potential threat: “So, tell me. You think Yukiko’s cute, huh?” Relax, girl, Gary isn’t going to steal your candy. Figuring that silence is the best choice from the three dialogue options given, Gary exhales a string of ellipses, quietly wondering how he can ditch this pair and head home. Quite frankly, he’d rather be listening to Nanako sing the Junes jingle on a ten-minute loop than answer any more of these personal questions. Gary’s unease is patently obvious, as Chie giggles that he’s blushing. Even Yukiko tells her to knock it off at this point, causing Chie to focus her teasing on her instead. “She’s really popular at school, but she’s never had a boyfriend,” she fake-concerns. “Kinda weird, huh?” No, it’s not weird, since we all know she has a girlfriend. Chie reminds me of those gay guys who aren’t quite ready to come out of the closet, yet keep casually dropping hints into conversations in the hope someone will pick up on it and spare them the perceived embarrassment of raising the subject. And, like most of those cases, everyone else already knows.
Yukiko insists she isn’t all that popular — bullshit, if that little spectacle at the school gates is anything to go by — and that she doesn’t need a boyfriend. Uh-huh. She gets an angry anime scribble above her head, letting Chie know she’s crossed a line. Chie apologizes for being kind of a dick, and figures she just got a little carried away when she got to actually speak to someone from the big city. Christ, Chie, you’re from the same island; it’s not like Gary dropped in from Mars. The trio suddenly notices a commotion further down the street and darts off to rubberneck at the scene, mercifully ending this conversation.
Yukiko, honey, we all know. No need to explain yourself.
A group of bystanders are congregated near a police car and nearby roadblock, gossiping about something a high school student apparently saw when she came down the street, having left school early. One particularly excited spectator gushes “Wow! Who could imagine THAT hanging from an antenna?” OK, how I’m intrigued. Another woman in the crowd bemoans the fact she got here too late, as “the police and fire department took it down just a moment ago”. It would be funny if this event and the message over the school intercom were two completely unconnected events, but come on, this is an RPG — everything is connected. As Gary and the others continue to eavesdrop on this very public conversation, we find out exactly what was hanging from the antenna — a corpse. A human corpse, not, like, a pigeon or whatever. The way it’s revealed is unintentionally amusing, though; one of the chattering women screams “Well, I think it’s terrifying. I can’t believe a dead body showed up around here!”, like this unidentified person’s body just walked into the local pharmacy or something.
Of course, where there are dead bodies hanging suspiciously from TV antennas, there are usually detectives. Cue the entrance of Hot Uncle, who ambles on to the screen with his suit jacket over his shoulder like he doesn’t have a care in the world. You’d think a dead body would be a huge scandal in a tiny place like this, but he’s acting like it’s a missing cat case. God, doesn’t anything exciting ever happen around here? Noticing his nephew in the company of two local girls, Hot Uncle approaches and asks what he’s doing gawking at a crime scene. Gary doesn’t get the option to reply “Uh, this is my route home from school”, so instead innocently asks if something happened. Hot Uncle inevitably doesn’t go into details, but angrily says that they told the school principal not to let any kids through here. Well, if a gaggle of bored housewives can stand around lollygagging at the crime scene, Gary doesn’t see why he can’t do the same.
Chie very discreetly asks Gary “…You know this guy?” Hot Uncle introduces himself to the girls and is all “Hey, I’m glad my nephew is already making friends in the LGBT society, but you three really ought to head home.” Then a younger detective runs past, holding his mouth like he’s about to throw up. We can assume that’s what he does, because he makes these disgusting retching noises from offscreen as the others look on awkwardly. Hot Uncle yells at him for being so lily-livered and tells him to stop acting like a rookie unless he wants to get sent back to the central office (in my sick mind, “sent back to the central office” is code for something else entirely).
I don’t want to know what he might be doing out of shot.
The rookie — Adachi — apologizes to Hot Uncle, who’s apparently his boss. Hot Uncle just shakes his head and tells him to go and wash his face (probably not for the first time) while he leaves to gather information. He walks off to the right, with Adachi dutifully running behind. I’m starting to understand what Hot Uncle’s frequent nocturnal “work shifts” really involve. Cheap motel rooms or his office desk possibly feature (and I’m 99% sure they do, in the realm of fanfic at least).
Once Hot Uncle and Adachi the Rookie have made their exit, the others just kind of stand around aimlessly until Chie wonders if this is what the school announcement was all about. Yukiko takes the idiot ball from her and runs with it by asking what the gossiping housewives meant when they said the body was hanging from an antenna. Uh, there aren’t many ways you can interpret that, Yukiko. Unless she’s wondering what the murderer used to hang it with, which would be a dozen shades of morbid. Chie can’t answer her, and since the whole dead body thing has dampened their mood somewhat, she suggests they postpone their original plan (going to Junes) until tomorrow. Even though Gary likes Chie and Yukiko (in a totally platonic way, natch) he’s kind of relieved he won’t have to put up with any more inane chatter today, and heads home for another night of babysitting.
‘You can’t make door-to-door enquiries with jizz around your mouth!’
Back at the Dojima residence, Gary and Nanako spend the evening watching TV. Nanako, bless her sad, parentally-neglected soul, wonders whether her dad will be home tonight. Gary tries to cheer her up, tactfully not mentioning the rookie detective daddy appears to be spending a lot of time with lately. Luckily, a sudden newsflash breaks the awkward atmosphere. The announcement concerns — you guessed it — the dead body that randomly turned up hanging from someone’s antenna, which is probably the most exciting thing to happen in Inaba since around 1986. Realizing he hasn’t made any unwelcome contributions for a whole ten minutes, the Invisible Narrator butts in with “Could this be the incident you heard about…?” I’m pretty sure he’s actually trolling me and Gary by this point.
The newscast continues by naming the deceased. You might want to hold on to your hats for this. Seriously, it’s so shocking. The identity of the apparent murder victim is — wait for it — one Mayumi Yamano! Maybe now she’s dead, people in the game will stop dropping her name into every conversation. I know, I know, how naïve of me. Anyway, the reporter continues that the authorities are still unsure whether her death was an accident or a homicide (how on Earth could it be an accident, given that she was found hanging from an unrelated resident’s roof?! Do they think she climbed up there to get a scoop, or something?). Apparently, the thick fog has hampered the investigation, which will resume tomorrow. It’s almost like the game designers are trying to tell me something, what with all these references to the fog. Maybe I’m just reading into things too much, though.
Nanako seems unperturbed by the gruesome news report, and only gets animated when the announcer mentions the Inaba Police Department. “That’s where dad works!” she gasps, then immediately gets distracted by the ubiquitous Junes commercial. Again, she sings along with the jingle then, according to the IN, “looks at [Gary] expectantly”. Oh, hell no. Gary may enjoy a musical or two, but he can’t carry a tune in a bucket. Fortunately, he averts the situation by complimenting Nanako on her singing voice before heading to bed, hoping he won’t be “lucky” enough to experience any more fucked-up dreams.
Oh, the pleasure is ALL Gary’s.
The next day, 13th April, starts well enough — it’s a brisk, bracing morning, and Gary has a spring in his step, having had a restful night’s sleep for the first time in days. However, the walk to school once again turns eventful; Yosuke, further demonstrating that he needs training wheels, speeds past Gary again and crashes into a trash can this time. When the camera cuts across, we see him with the can wedged over his head and shoulders, rolling around pathetically like an upended tortoise. “Maybe you should help him…” the Invisible Narrator suggests. Well, Gary certainly doesn’t need to be asked twice.
A quick black screen later, Yosuke is thanking Gary for pulling him out of the trash. He finally introduces himself, although they both really should have learned each other’s names by now. I mean, Gary sits right in front of him in class. Still, the hottest guy in class is actually talking to him, so Gary puts any indignation to the back of his mind and tells Yosuke it’s nice to meet him. Yosuke’s response is to wink at Gary and let out a nervous little laugh. Yeah, I don’t think I’m reading too much into things here. Gary’s reading the signals too, and starts to wonder, perhaps prematurely, if Chie and Yukiko will attempt to insist they go on double dates. Fuck that shit.
Because Gary can’t catch a break, Yosuke ruins the moment by bringing up the subject of Mayumi Yamano’s corpse. Ugh, this bitch dominates the conversation even when she’s dead. Yosuke determines that her death couldn’t have been an accident, and Gary agrees, because dogs know she didn’t climb up there and hang herself. “Dangling a dead body over a roof like that…” Yosuke sighs. “That’s just messed up…then again, it’s pretty messed up to kill someone in the first place.” Gary is finding all this talk about murder and bodies such a turn-off, but he’d better get used to it.
I’m sure Gary won’t mind a little squeaking.
Yosuke suddenly realizes he’s spent entirely too long talking about corpses, and now he and Gary are late for class. He offers Gary a ride (!), but Gary politely declines, assuming he’s talking about his bike — there’s no way in hell he’s getting on that deathtrap without a helmet.
In class, Wiggy is going off on one of his tedious rants about kids these days and their blossoming sex drives and their fascination with murder. For managing to sit through the entire lecture without falling asleep, jamming pencils in his ears, or doodling ejaculating penises on his desk, Gary is informed by the Invisible Narrator that his Knowledge has increased. And when Yosuke bends down in front of him to pick up a pen, his Penis Size increases, too. I may have made one of those up.
After school, Gary is gathering his things when Yosuke approaches him again. My, he’s keen. He asks Gary if he’s settling in alright, which Gary confirms. Then, like Chie before him, Yosuke starts grousing about Inaba being out in the sticks. “There isn’t much to do here compared to the big city, but there is that certain…something you can’t get anywhere else,” he admits. “The air’s clean, the food’s great…oh, you know about the local delicacy?” I had to sit on my hands to stop myself from typing what sprang to mind there. Of course, Inaba’s “delicacy” is something much more innocent than I had in mind — grilled steak, to be precise. As thanks for helping him out earlier, Yosuke invites Gary to a little place he knows where you can get it cheap. And yes, I’m still talking about steak. What the hell were you thinking?
‘I know, right? I much prefer a nice, spicy sausage.’
As they prepare to leave for this date after-school snack, Chie stops them in their tracks. She’s still pissed that Yosuke cracked her Trial of the Dragon, and thinks he should treat her, too. Gary glares at her, hoping she’ll take the hint, but instead she invites Yukiko along too. Fuck’s sake. Yukiko, to her credit, declines the offer, saying she has to help out at the inn and besides, she doesn’t want to put on any more weight. Yes, because she’s clinically obese. Despite the irritating “Oh no, I’m so fat!” comment, Gary’s grateful that at least someone is being thoughtful and not intruding on a private arrangement, Chie. Noticeably subdued, Yukiko leaves (probably to throw up in the bathroom or something), but unfortunately doesn’t take her girlfriend with her.
He wasn’t planning to take you back to his place, Chie.
And this day started so promisingly. Oh well, I might as well continue. Incidentally, for those of you still reading, I promise there’ll be some actual gameplay soon.
Gary, Yosuke and Chie the Cockblocker leave for their dinner date, Gary glaring daggers at Chie’s back as they walk along. Jeez, hasn’t she heard the phrase “three’s a crowd” before? Even worse, Yosuke’s “special place”, rather than being a nice restaurant, turns out to be the food court at Junes. “THIS is the cheap place you were talking about? They don’t have grilled steak here!” Chie bitches as Yosuke carries a soda-laden tray to their fold-up table. “Yeah, well, once you hopped on the freeloader train, I had to change my plans,” he replies, arms folded in annoyance. He’s clearly as pissed off as Gary is that Chie has ruined their first date, not that she picks up on it. Instead, she complains about Yosuke taking them “to his place”. Cue question mark billowing above Gary’s head.