Cesario quickly jumps behind Delita to penetrate prevent him from leaping onto PPP and strangling him, or something, and PPP snots that all commoners are scum between his toes and tries to use Delita’s violence as evidence that he’s not someone Cesario should be hanging out with. “You see, Cesario, we nobles can’t live with them,” he declares. Like, Shut UP, PPP!
Cesario attempts to drown PPP’s protests in the self-fulfilling virtue that is his friendship with Delita, but PPP snipes that the son of a distinguished family can’t possibly expect to be with a commoner. Imagine what the neighbors would think!
At that particular zinger, Delita shakes off Cesario’s half-nelson and waxes congenial about how he trusts Cesario, and how not all nobles are as freaking annoying as PPP. Having said his piece, Delita throws Cesario a sidelong glance and hits the road. Before PPP can even snark a “Good riddance,” Cesario tells him to get steppin’ too. PPP shrugs, walks halfway to the front gate, and then turns around to exposit, “Their base is at Fort Zeakden. I heard it from your brother. The only way is to attack from the rear.” Then, with a well-placed sting about Spoiled Rotten Kids, he leaves the party. Finally.
World Map. A RED emerges to the north of GARILAND MAGIC CITY, which spawns another RED even further north, which in turn spawns a final RED slightly southwest. Chibi!Cesario starts trekkin’ in the general direction of the RED’s, and makes it a whole fifteen feet before he gets sucked into the MANDALIA PLAINS. I’m not prompted to pick a battle formation, and the screen cuts directly to a secluded corner of the plains, with Cesario and Delita sitting side by side, enjoying each other’s company and a beautiful sunset. How romantic. Too bad Delita has to go and spoil the mood by bringing up that hag sister of his.
‘Why does everybody always come out to me?’
Cesario tries to comfort the object of his affection by telling him that he’s sure Rinoa is okay, but Delita whines that it’s not just his sister’s kidnapping that has him feeling all angsty. Delita admits that many of the things PPP had to say rang true. Of course, I have no idea what he’s talking about, because I drift in and out while PPP is talking, but I think it might have something to do with commoners, nobles, and maybe the metric system. Delita says that he feels out of place hangin’ with the nobles, and wonders if he will ever fit in. “Could I be a general if I tried hard enough?” he wonders aloud, “I want to rescue [Rinoa] on my own, but I can’t do a thing. I’m ‘useless’…..”
Hey, no argument there.
Cesario doesn’t say anything either, so, after an awkward silence, Delita plucks a piece of grass from the field, and then blows on the piece of grass, producing a faint buzz. Whoa, totally didn’t intend the drug innuendo, but I guess that doesn’t mean I can’t roll with it. Delita asks Cesario if he remembers when Daddy taught them how to play the reed flute hooked them up with their first Bong, a Fisher-Price dealie with lots of flashing lights, and Cesario grabs some weed for himself so the two can toast themselves into the end of the scene.
Seriously, though. Remember that Reed Flute deal. I’m gonna have to refer to it in future recaps and I don’t want to have to re-explain the whole shebang. Do it for me. Kthxby.
World Map. Next RED. Samantha, Ryan, Ben, and Jeanne join Cesario on the battle screen (I think this was around the time Kelly became Part of That World and was, shall we say, unavoidably detained) and jet off to the impending battle at scenic LENALIA PLATEAU.
The camera fades up on the “plateau,” which really looks more like a baby canyon, revealing a showdown between Cesario’s party and the party of our old friend, Miluda. The latter comments that with Cesario blocking off the canyon, there’s no way the Happy Sunshine Cultists can escape. I guess the other end is blocked by a wizard or something. Whatever. An uppity Knight to Miluda’s side suggests that the squad surrender, which prompts Miluda to screech that she’d “rather die here than be taken prisoner!!”
Can do.
So, with that riveting dialogue wrapped up, battle breaks out across the canyon, so more riveting dialogue can take place. On his first turn, Delita demands to know where Wiegraf is holding Rinoa captive, and Miluda responds, “[Rinoa]? You mean that Beoulve, [unnecessary comma,] Golagros took hostage?”
…Can’t believe it’s not butter!
Delita responds by telling Miluda that Rinoa isn’t a Beoulve, so the Happy Sunshine Cult should give her back. Miluda wouldn’t be a member of the Happy Sunshine Cult if she didn’t seize every opportunity to make an obscure comment about Nobles having their way with the Common folk, however, so she tells Delita that he’ll only get Rinoa back when the Nobles remove their collective penis from the asscrack of Commoner society. Thoroughly told, Delita returns to “Mindless Killing Mode,” and smacks some Time Mage bitch into next week. I hope the irony isn’t lost on anybody.
Battle continues until one of Ramza’s turns, where he tries to psychoanalyze Miluda and the Happy Sunshine Revolution. “You say revolution,” he wonders, “Is a revolution necessary? Is it our fault? Are we making you suffer? What’s the problem?” Obviously, his attempt at understanding is met with indignant ramblings from Miluda, who has been blaming her problems on the Nobles since the day she emerged from the uterus. “Ignorance itself is a crime!” she whines, “What you think is right is only what you can see. But, that’s not everything. It’s not your fault. But I’ll keep blaming you until there’s a change!”
Wow. Wow. No wonder nobody likes the Happy Sunshine Cult. I mean, I can barely stand it when that I never have to deal with, like internet people or celebrities, try to pull that kind of shit, and here’s the Happy Sunshine Cult parading their issues around for the whole goddamn world. No wonder every Happy Sunshine Cultist we’ve met has wound up dead.
Their hatred for the Happy Sunshine Cult renewed, the Generics manage to beat back the Cultists. When Miluda finally falls, she cries to her brother before collapsing on the ground in a motionless heap, presumably dead. The camera migrates over to Cesario, who wonders to himself why everything had to turn out the way they did, and the camera then continues to Delita, who adds considerable depth to the scene by wondering who he is. Okay, then.
Cesario wastes no time leading the party directly north to the next RED, FOVOHAM PLAINS, and the camera fades up inside a Windmill. Said mill, very familiarly shaped, is making obnoxious creaking noises, and the freshly ground flour is spilling all over the floor. No wonder the HSC’s are starving all over the place, they waste perfectly good food in favor of plotting their diabolical plots. Man, if this were my cult, I’d have the whole damn thing streamlined within the week. Anyway, Rinoa is bound and possibly unconscious in the back.
Penis!
And, speaking of diabolical plots, one is taking place in the foreground. Wiegraf, ever the dominating leader, demands to know why Golagros kidnapped Rinoa. Golagros explains that he needed a hostage to escape from Beoulve Castle, which I’m not buying for a minute, because Rinoa’s ChocoCultist had hit the road before either of the Beoulve Brothers had shown up, indeed, before Golagros had even given the order to retreat. He just wanted Rinoa to be his wench. Wiegraf agrees. “If that were the case,” he intones, “you could’ve let her go later. What… now you, Golagros?”
Golagros gets his briefs in a bunch in response to Wiegraf’s allusion to the Noble-kidnapping Gustav, and argues that the Happy Sunshine Ranks are dwindling and morale is low. At times like this, people need a wench to get them by! Also, Golagros totally thinks Rinoa is a Beoulve and will act as some type of “Get Out of Jail Free” card when the Hokuten knights inevitably catch the Happy Sunshine Cultists. Oh, that’ll work.
Wiegraf waxes stupid as he re-proclaims his undying martyrdom and whines that they “must make it so [their] children don’t have to go through what [they] did,” by sticking it to the man. Golagros is shocked, shocked, that Wiegraf would have the Happy Sunshine Cultists die to achieve his ultimate ends, and Wiegraf attempts to justify his reasoning by claiming that Happy Sunshine deaths won’t be in vain if they take out as many nobles as they can. Way to bolster the troops, Wiegraf. In totally unrelated news, Wiegraf’s new nickname is Dubya, after the first letter of his name, but I’m sure the more perceptive among you can draw at least a few additional parallels.
…Like a dental plan?
Just as Dubya begins to suggest that the Happy Sunshine Cultist platoon join up with any survivors from FORT ZEAKDEN (the RED at the end of the road), a female Monk!Cultist dashes in to alert Dubya to the advancing Hokuten troops and the untimely death of his dear sister, Miluda. Dubya isn’t exactly thrilled at this news, he actually flirts with crossing the line into pure, unadulterated rage. See, this is Ironic, because Dubya just finished telling Golagros that some people are gonna die, and then his sister died. Layers. Learn to love ’em.
So then, homicidal rage. Consumed by it, Dubya orders his troops to retreat to FORT ZEAKDEN and yells for Golagros to leave the girl behind. But all is for naught, as just then, a voice from outside shrieks that the Hokuten have arrived. Quickly switching tack, Dubya valiantly tells Golagros that he’ll distract Cesario and company whilst Golagros takes Rinoa to the other Happy Sunshine Cultists at FORT ZEAKDEN. Dubya dashes out the door, and as soon as he’s left, Golagros whines that he’s not going, ’cause there’s no way he’s gonna die. Fifty bucks says he’s expired by the end of the recap.
There is a brief intermission, during which I organize the party for battle, and then the action shifts to the “Windmill shed,” engrish for the Exterior O’ The Windmill, with the camera panning around very dramatically. I feel as though Legolas should pop up and stare angstfully into the distance or something. Alas, it is not to be. Instead, the camera settles on Cesario and crew facing off against Dubya and crew. Dubya kicks things off by einsteining that Cesario killed Miluda and swearing that he will avenge his dead sister. Then, the party is given the battle objective: “Defeat [Dubya]!”
I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everybody to vote this year.