Final Fantasy Tactics
Part 1
"B!LL and W!LL’s Excellent Adventure."
What happens when you try and cram too many characters into the story at the very beginning? That’s right folks, PEOPLE DIE! Join me in part one of this confusing world of NEVER ENDING BATTLES wholesome, strategized goodness and we can see firsthand what happens when the localization team comes to work with a hangover!
Part 2
"Have you hugged your sister today?"
Everybody dies. Everybody. Thieves die by the dozen, Happy Sunshine Cultists drop like flies, and sisters, man, don’t get me started. It’s like the RPG!Sisters are trying to muscle in on RPG!Father territory or something. Read on, hard of heart, and witness firsthand the wave of senseless death that is Part 2.
Part 3
"Sorry, but our Princess is in another Castle?!"
We rejoin our heroes at that church from the first recap, and a freshly masculated Cesario sets out to save the Princess and actually finds her. Now, he just has to keep her alive. Along the way, the party ends up one ahead in the Chocobo and Gun-slinging Engineer departments, and the Recently Blown Up and Dearly Departed Delita stars as both the Princess’s captor and would-be savior. And, as usual, lots of baddies die. Par for the course.
Part 4
"The End of the Beginning"
Cesario and his band of merry wankers traipse all over the southern continent, taking care of Ophelia and Grease Monkeyo and their combined daily tribulations, and it’s dreadfully exciting. In other news, Count Dracula turns out to be evil –who knew?– and B!LL officially kicks off the Lion War. Grab your Engrish/English Dictionary and let’s go!