Wild ARMs
Part 1
"Welcome to the Mild West!"
In this first recap, we meet the Cliché Trio, fight our way through their respective teeth-gnashing introductions, and begin to explore the world of Filgaia. Several things become apparent during this recap: most notably, the world of Filgaia is full of clichés, and Cecilia is the Innocent One. Oh, and just TRY to find the Wild West theme. Apparently it’s in there somewhere.
Part 2
"Welcome to our festival! Would you like a flaming meteor?"
In this recap the Cliché Trio come together (not like that. Seriously, you guys…) and help the dumbest inventor in Adlehyde to excavate the star attraction of the upcoming Ruin Festival. I won’t keep you all in suspense – said attraction is the much-referenced Lolithia, she of the “icy breath”. However, what befalls the people of Adlehyde is not “icy breath” so much as “fiery death”. I’m sure none of them were expecting burning rocks to fall on their heads at the festival, but hey, shit happens!
Part 3
"‘I’m waiting for the rainbow after the rain stops.’ *vomit*"
Hour 3 of The Great Wild West PENIS Quest brings dungeons filled to the brim with annoying obstacles and an even more annoying random battle rate, a rather ill-advised costume change for Cesuelia, and some of the most cringeworthy dialogue in living memory…mostly from Cesuelia. Huge surprise there. Yup, much like an episode of Lost, this hour is All About Cesuelia. Make sure you bring some wine and crackers, as we’re in for an evening of fine cheese!
Part 4
"The Good, The Bad, and The Unspeakably Stupid."
There is one prevalent theme in this recap — penises. The monsters look like them, the villains act like them, Rudy is still being discriminated against because of his, and the party members are all dickheads. In other news, our heroes finally receive a concrete objective — to prevent three speshul statues from being destroyed. And if you think they’ll succeed in this task, you’re even more dumb than they are.
Part 5
"Little girl, you want to see my ship? I have some puppies and a Guardian Statue for you!"
In this mindboggling 1 hour and 45 minutes, Rudy and crew try, and fail, to protect the final remaining Guardian Statues, encounter a 14 year old bounty huntress with a spending addiction, score some bud for a pedophilic captain, witness an entire town vanish without a trace, and attend the Feelgayan equivalent of a Vegas drive-thru wedding. Not necessarily in that order. I don’t think the myriad drug references between the lines are a mere coincidence.
Part 6
"This recap is emitting a frustrated light."
Things are looking less than rosy in Feelgayer–the last of the Guardian Statues containing Mother’s Pieces of Heart have been destroyed, and the queen bitch herself is putting her nefarious plan into motion. So what better way for Rudy and friends to spend their time than performing a completely unrelated errand for a self-indulgent coward? Which reminds me–they also encounter Captain Seymour for a second time. More importantly, though, we discover that light can exhibit an emotional state. The More You Know.