Tales of Symphonia
Part 1
"DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!"
In this installment, we meet our first round of clich?d characters and start learning their various repetitive “comic relief” behaviors — a.k.a. the lazy writers’ version of character development. We also learn a fair amount of the world’s backstory, presented to us in one of the most awkward expositional attempts in gaming history. In plot news, a priest dies in front of our young heroes in their schoolhouse, bearing news of an attack on the local temple, on the very day that our Mary Sue is to undergo a trial there. How will they handle this traumatizing, life-altering experience? By promptly forgetting about it, apparently. Goooooo, writers!
Part 2
"Tards on trial."
In this bit of wrap-up from the last installment, the party traverses the monster-infested Temple of Martel in order to see if Suelette is worthy of receiving the oracle or something like that. Obviously, she is — surprise! — so she gets to meet an angel who may or may not be her dad. My money is on “not,” and you’ll see why if you read the recap.
Part 3
"The power of friendship."
The theme of this recap is friendship, such as the friendship between Lloyd and Suelette, which is so special, he completely forgets her birthday. Or the friendship between Lloyd and Penis, which is so strong, Lloyd doesn’t even know Penis has been sneaking away to associate with a prisoner at the human ranch. Or the friendship between Penis and said prisoner, Marble, which helps her through her tough times by getting her tortured for disobedience. Ah, the healing, uplifting power of friendship.
Part 4
"Recapper Vow #69: Fuck this shit."
It’s time for Suelette to leave on the Magical Mary Sue Journey, so this means the rest of us have to sit through the obligatory moonlight goodbye between Lloyd and Suelette. In less nauseating news, Lloyd has to face some rather fiery consequences for his retarded stunt at My Human Ranch. Yes, this means that the writers actually followed up on a plot point from earlier. Holy shit!