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  -Part 1 :: [02.13.02]
  -Part 2 :: [03.16.02]
  -Part 3 :: [10.06.02]
  -Part 4 :: [06.14.03]
  -Part 5 :: [08.04.04]
  -Part 6 :: [10.25.04]
  -Part 7 :: [03.02.05]
  -Part 8 :: [03.02.05]
  -Part 9 :: [12.19.07]
  -Part 10 :: [12.19.07]
  -Part 11 :: [02.17.13]


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"In keeping with the theme of the rest of the game, its arms, legs, and tail look like giant strings of anal beads. Twink would be turned on if Ganondorf wasn't a gross, furry pedo and the beads were small enough to not rip him in half."
     -Jeanne, Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker Part 12




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Skies of Arcadia : Part 1
By Jeanne
Posted 02.13.02
Pg. 1 : 2 : 3
Just then, Dyne speaks through that tube thingamabobber on the ship and tells Vyse and Pippi to quit chitchatting and come to the bridge. They do. Fina just sits there for about five minutes before the scene changes.

Of course I make Vyse run around and talk to people. We meet various crew members, such as Luke the Raider and Briggs the Vice Captain (everyone on the crew is "So-and-so the something"). There's a funny little sequence where "Vyse" (aka me) can ask his dad...er, captain (aka the game) how to do things such as fly the ship and get to Pirate Isle. The captain keeps asking him why he can't remember all this shit. It does seem kind of stupid if you think about it.

There's stuff about sky rifts (the windy curtain things that I can't fly through), enemies that attack the ship (random battles...yay), and Deep Sky (which will crush the ship). Then we're off to Pirate Isle.

Pirate Isle is a nifty little village that looks all normal on the outside, but the big secret is that it's.....actually an island where the pirates and their families live and their ship is hidden underneath. I don't know about you, but I think the name "Pirate Isle" would kind of give it away. Vyse talks to Fina on the ship, explaining all of that. Of course it's just a bunch of women and kids that they show on Pirate Isle. And then there's the huge drawbridge that comes out of the rock. I would be worried about falling off the edge of the island if I lived there.

Back at the base, the Ass Pirates all gather around the treasure, and I find that there is one other female pirate besides Pippi. It's Mabel the Raider, and her shirt is very short. I guess it's a rule that unless you are a male pirate, you have to show lots of flesh.

Views of ship, views of ship, and then Vyse explains more about the island, pretty much what I said above. At that moment Vyse's gay dad who is stuck in the 80's tells Vyse and Pippi to come to his office...and bring Fina. Of course Vyse doesn't go directly there; he explores the base a bit.

There's a bar, shops, etc. There, I gave you all the information you need to know. Oh, I guess the pirates drink something called "loqua" which I'm guessing is alcoholic. Otherwise, what's the point of drinking it in a bar? Hello!

 
The 80's are over, bud.

In Dyne's office, Dyne starts asking Fina questions, such as where she's from and what her mission is. In other words, he's grilling her. I make Robin Vyse stay silent (which is the correct of the two choices), but Pippi objects to the questioning. She gets in a bit of trouble.

Fina does not answer his questions because her mission is top secret. Wow, a Top Secret Mission. I wonder if we'll ever find out what it is and I wonder if it will have some huge significance and I wonder if Vyse and Pippi will help her carry out her mission? Nah, that would be too obvious. Fina assures the captain that she will not bring harm to his crew, and he can tell by her eyes that she is being truthful. It's always about the eyes. Maybe because the characters' eyes are twice the size of normal human eyes? We'll never know.

Vyse and Dyne have their little "Don't call me dad, call me captain" exchange (I didn't mean to make that sound dirty) and then Vyse and Pippi take Fina up above to the village.

Of course I make Vyse go exploring first. We learn a bit about the "Swashbuckler Rating" from his dad, and also find a secret passageway to some treasure behind the bookshelf. The very obvious ladder right behind the bookshelf was a dead giveaway.

On the way up to the village, Pippi says she needs to go freshen up and that she'll meet Vyse and Fina later. That just sounds wrong. The villagers, who are mainly women, make a big deal over Fina and stuff. And I guess Vyse's dad isn't gay after all, because he's married to a woman whose name is given as "Vyse's Mother." Way to give her her own individual identity, game designers. She, like all the other villagers, takes to Fina, who is all gracious and stuff about being allowed to stay in their home. Then Vyse's mother tells Vyse and Fina go off to "have fun" in the village until dinner. At this moment, Pippi shows up and announces that she just had to fix her hair. It looks exactly the same as before. Of course, she's a woman, and apparently that's what we women do. She gushes that the sunset is really beautiful and they should go look at it. I sense a graphics show-off coming up.

Jeez, give the poor dog a break.
 

Outside in the village, there is a mini game involving three children and a dog-like creature named Pow. They will tell Vyse a secret as long as he plays hide-and-seek with them. The game is not difficult, considering the village is tiny and the kids have crappy hiding places. Yeah, hiding out in plain sight is really going to make it difficult. After finding them all, Vyse learns the big secret....there's a secret passageway behind the bookshelf in his dad's office!!!!! As in, the one I already found. Thanks, kids, for nothin'.

Several people in the town explain about Moon Stones. There are six different colors of Moon Stones and they can be attached to weapons, and Vyse and pals can learn magic from them. Gee, magic stones. That's a new one. There are apparently strengths and weaknesses among the different colors of stones, but the stupid manual is so confusing on this note because of their crappy, crappy chart.

Sure enough, the sunset is all nice and pretty. There's a cut scene with some sappy music. Vyse muses about what lies beyond the sunset. Hmm...I wonder if we'll find out by the end of the game? More dialogue. Okay, we get it, Vyse wants to sail where no man has sailed before. Fina just kind of dumbly repeats everything he says. It's kind of a nice moment actually, despite my sarcasm. At least Vyse isn't going on and on about his tragic past or being all aloof or whatever RPG heroes usually act like.

Suddenly, the three of them see some purple things fall from the sky. "...That was a Moon Stone!" Vyse says. "...a Moon Stone?" Fina echoes. Stop it, Fina! Another one falls and lands on a nearby island. Vyse looks at it through his magical clear eyepatch telescope, and says that it landed on Shrine Island. Apparently, Moon Stones don't fall too often. Fina is ignorant, of course, which gives Pippi the chance to play the role of Queen Exposition. Moon Stones are pieces of rock that fall from the Moons (duh) and crash into islands. They're a source of energy for ships, etc., blah blah blah. Fina then tells Pippi that she knows what Moon Stones are after all, but this is her first time seeing one fall from the sky. Oh, you sneaky game designers, sneaking in that information.

Vyse and Pippi decide to go to Shrine Island the next day. Just then Vyse's Mother calls them for dinner. There's one last shot of Fina looking up at the moon and then we hear the nighty-night music.

Cut to the next morning. Camera shots of the happy little village. Birds singing. Pippi yells at Vyse to wake up (from outside, not from in his room, you perverts). He apparently sleeps in his clothes. Downstairs, Vyse's Mother gives them some healing items, and Fina bids Vyse farewell as he sets out for Shrine Island. Vyse's not-gay 80's dad gives Vyse a Purple Moon Stone from yesterday's loot. It's to use on their weapons, in case you didn't read my recap carefully. Blah, blah, blah some more, and then Vyse goes outside. There's another farewell scene with Fina, and I wonder when I'll get to save. Finally I get control of the game once more. There's a lot of talking in this game. Jeez.

I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait until Part II to read about the exciting Shrine Island. Please don't be too disappointed.

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