Final Fantasy VII : Part 2
1 : 2 : 3
Retracing the exact steps from the first reactor, including the elevator ride, Bitch, Mr. T, and Tita end up at this weird switch thing. They all have to press it at the same time to make the door open, which means I have to try to time it just right. For me, this is one of the most annoying parts of the whole damn game. I know all you people with your perfect timing are laughing at me right now. Screw you.
Finally, I get it right, and the three of them run through the door and out onto this catwalk, only to meet up with a group of Shinra soldiers. "SHIT! What the hell's goin' on?" Mr. T yells. "...a trap..." Bitch replies. Wow, how could these masters of disguise and deception ever have been caught.
Suddenly, the music turns all evil, and a man in a red suit comes walking through the doorway. It's President Shinra. "Why is the President here?" Tita wonders. Oh, I dunno...maybe because you were going to blow up his reactor? Mr. T announces that they are AVALANCHE. Smooth. Bitch walks forward. "Long time no see, President." The President is confused for a moment, and then says "Oh...you." What, was Bitch his boy toy at one time? "You're the one who quit SOLDIER and joined AVALANCHE. I knew you'd been exposed to Mako, from the look in your eyes..." I'm not sure what he means, but I have a sudden amusing image of Mako making Bitch all cross-eyed or something.
President Shinra doesn't even remember Bitch's name. "Forgive me for asking, but I can't be expected to remember each person's name." What this is supposed to show us is that President Shinra is an evil corporate bastard who only cares about money and power, and not the little people. Kind of like the company I work for. Except I don't go and blow shit up. Bitch needs to take an anger management course. "Unless you become another Sephiroth," PS adds. I wish someone would tell me what the hell Sephiroth's deal is. "Yes, Sephiroth...He was brilliant. Perhaps too brilliant..." Okay, this is getting annoying. I know he was in SOLDIER, he killed Tita's dad, he was brilliant but evil or something, but...oh never mind. We'll find everything out later. I hate when they pull this crap.
Mr. T interrupts to brag that the place will blow up soon and it "serves y'all right!" There's some not-so-good-natured banter between Mr. T and President Shinra, which culminates in the line "And that makes you King VERMIN! So shu'up, jackass!" One guess who said that.
"...You are beginning to bore me," President Shinra says, looking at page 32 of "Handbook of Bad Guy Catchphrases." He heads off to a dinner he must attend, leaving behind a robot for them to fight. It's a boss, of course. President Shinra then takes off in a helicopter.
The boss music is all cool, much cooler than the boss, actually. Its name is.... "Airbuster." I'm shaking in my boots. It's easy to beat because you fight in in "pincer formation" or whatever the hell they call it when the monster is trapped in the middle and the party is on either side. I feel all studly and cool because I use Bitch's limit break on it when its back is turned and take off 600HP. Okay, stop laughing at me. 600HP is a lot at this point in the game.
As soon as Airbuster is destroyed, it blows up, destroying a big chunk of the catwalk, and leaving Bitch holding onto it for dear life. Mr. T yells at Tita that they have to get out of there. He is not one bit concerned about Bitch about to fall to his death or anything, and I have to laugh. "Bitch! Please don't die! You can't die! There's still so much I want to tell you!" Oh, PUKE. I'm sure Bitch really wants to hear that at this point. How about trying to help him, you stupid dork? "Hey, you gonna be awright?" Mr. T asks. Well, duh. He's hanging by one hand from a damaged catwalk, probably hundreds of feet above the ground, by a building that's about to blow up. Seems like sort of a dumb question. Bitch says he's all right (because I made him say that) and tells Mr. T to take care of Tita. Because God knows she couldn't take care of herself. Mr. T apologizes, and Bitch yells, "Stop talkin' like this is the end!" Well, it obviously isn't, since he's the main character of the game, but if it were real life, I'd say it was a safe bet that he wouldn't make it. So let's just get on with things, shall we? Switch to CFS style for the dramatic moment where Bitch falls and Tita calls after him while Mr. T holds her back. Fade to black.
There's some text that makes no sense. It's supposed to be Bitch dreaming or something.
Voice: ......You all right? .......Can you hear me?
Voice: Back then.......You could get by with just skinned knees.......
Bitch: .....What do you mean by 'back then'? [Author's note: That's what I would like to know]
Voice: What about now? Can you get up?
Bitch: .......What do you mean by 'that time'? .......What about now?
Voice: .......Don't worry about me. You just worry about yourself now.
Bitch: .......I'll give it a try.
I must interject....WTF????? Is it Tita? Bitch talking to himself? Does anyone really care?
Continuing with the madness....
Voice #2 (from the waking world): Oh! It moved!
Voice: ...How about that? Take it slow now. Little by little... [Author's note: It sounds dirty.]
Voice #2: Hello, hello?
Bitch: .....I know. Hey...who are you?
Voice #2: Hello, hello!
Wow, that was totally random. I am speechless. Fade in on what looks like a church sanctuary. Bitch is lying in a flower bed in the middle of the floor, and the flower girl from the beginning is squatting next to him. I'm guessing she was "Voice #2," but it doesn't matter because it still makes no sense.
Bitch struggles to sit up. "You okay?" Flower Girl asks. "I just fell hundreds of feet, through your roof, and into a flower bed. I'm just dandy, you friggin' idiot," Bitch replies, except that I made that all up. "This is a church in the Sector 5 slums," Flower Girl explains. "It suddenly fell on top of me. It really gave me a scare." Well, that has got to be the understatement of the year.
"I came crashing down?" Bitch asks. Yes he did, and apparently he hit his head pretty hard if he didn't remember the last two minutes of the game. The roof and flower bed broke his fall, lucky for him. I'd still think that would hurt pretty bad, after falling as far as he did. Bitch apologizes for falling into her flower bed. Flower Girl tells him that the flowers there are resilient because it's a sacred place, and it's the only place flowers can grow in Midgar. "I love it here," she adds. Bitch shrugs in his annoying way.
Now, Flower Girl asks Bitch if he remembers her. I make him say yes, and even though I want to pick the "You're the slum drunk" choice (it would explain a lot), I pick "You were selling flowers." Flower Girl is happy. She then asks Bitch if he has any materia, and when he says yes, she says "But mine is special. It's good for absolutely nothing." Ah, kind of like her so far. This dialogue is quite clumsy. It's supposed to be setting us up for some Important Information, but it's just kind of thrown in there in a very awkward way. Flower Girl says she knows how to use her materia, but it just doesn't do anything. Just wait, Flower Girl, just wait. Oops, I give away too much (as if you don't all know already). She adds that it was her mother's materia.