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  -LoD Main
  -Part 1 :: [11.25.02]
  -Part 2 :: [12.03.02]
  -Part 3 :: [12.09.02]
  -Part 4 :: [01.13.03]
  -Part 5 :: [01.27.03]
  -Part 6 :: [03.13.03]
  -Part 7 :: [05.26.03]
  -Part 8 :: [06.30.03]
  -Part 9 :: [12.14.03]
  -Part 10 :: [08.19.05]

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"Then, because it's just not clear enough that we're not in the best possible section of town, things start getting darker. Harry mentions this in passing then lights a lighter. Honestly, Harry. I don't think whatever's waiting down this alley wants to join you in a 'Play Free Bird!' chant."
     -Kelly, Silent Hill Part 1

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Part 1


"Chapter One: Land of the Never-Ending Introductions."
Witness the excitement of playing this fast-paced game - except not. Actually, you're going to sit through more long-winded intros than watching the Oscars with this damn game. But afterwards, we're going to do something really exciting! Oh, no, wait. I'm lying again. Never mind. Just read the damn recap, won't ya? More »

Part 2


"Hellena Prison - A Leona Helmsley Property"
Join our boy Red Cloud as he goes to save his beard, I mean girlfriend Shana from the horrible prison. Marvel at his mad x-treme sneaking skills like the time he hides from the guards by walking right in front of them. More »

Part 3


"The Not-So-Great Escape."
Fat Bastard gets his ass kicked by a guy in skater kneepads, a doofus with a halberd, and a chick with a bow. That would be enough to hang up the whole "super villain" schtick, if you ask me. More »

Part 4


"That's no Guardian, that's a fucking snake!"
Red Cloud, Sergeant Pepper and Shana make their way through the treacherous Limestone Cave on their way to the city of Bale in the Duchy of Basil, the Spice Capital of Serdio. On their way, they must face down the dreaded Guardian of the Cave, who isn't wearing a red coat, or even slightly badass. In fact, all the damn thing does is give Shana a headache. I think it must be catching. I need a drink. More »

Part 5


"Welcome to Hoax! Made you look!"
Now that Sergeant Pepper's seen his dear old Mum and Red Cloud's "sampled" the wares of the fine Bale shopkeepers, it's time to travel to the great town of Hoax, where purple giraffes ride on orange unicycles to the big "Serdio's Most Gullible Pageant". Okay, not really. Actually, Shana does nothing useful and Red Cloud and Sergeant Pepper spend the night together. That's right, it's all the hot yaoi action you can stand, right here in the city of Hoax! What do you mean, you don't believe me? Oh, and Rosie the Riveter makes her comeback this time as well. I'm serious. I'd never lie to you people. More »

Part 6


"Are we there yet?"
Best take a potty break and grab a snack now, kids, 'cause we're going on one hell of a road trip. On foot. With Shana and her sprained ankle. And no, you can't play "Punchbuggy" along the way. But we will get to see Sony's answer to Mother Brain. I know I'm stoked. More »

Part 7


"Shana has been poisoned...with poison!"
Our brave lads and lass (and Shana) have made their way through the Nest of the Dragon to meet up with the Moron Mantis for a final showdown. After a prolonged fight with another winged idiot, the Moron Mantis meets his pathetic end. When all's said and done, Shana falls prey to the Dragon Breath of Doom and Red Cloud and the others are now on a quest to save her before it's too late. Yeah, just like every other day. I don't know why they bother, really. More »

Part 8


"Most. Shocking. Battles. EVER!
Red Cloud, Sergeant Pepper and Rose must now confront the guardian of the Shrine of Shirley. His name is Drake, and all resemblances to the Scarecrow aside; Drake is one bad mamajamma with the bombs and the flying daggers. After delivering the beat down, Red Cloud and the others finally come face to er, face with "The Shirley." What happens next will astound you! Upon their return to Lohan, Red Cloud is able to catch up with his old friend Haschel, who will eventually join us on our quest for a day without Shana drama to save the world. Later on, Red Cloud meets up the "Platinum Haired Swordsman" for another shocking encounter. So we've got three boss battles, a new party member and Shana. Somebody hold me. More »

Part 9


"The Passing of the Wind"
Get out your hankies folks, as the weeper scene to outdo all weeper scenes makes its way towards us faster than an F5 tornado in a Kansas cornfield and with about as much subtlety. We'll also get to see Prince Albert in the can - nekkid. There, that ought to get your attention. More »

Part 10


"To the Red-text Black Castle!"
Red Cloud and posse take up the mission to hunt down His Majesty His Grace His Imperial Highness His Lordship the Emperor Doel and try to find out just what the hell is going on with that Lucius fellow. They'll get their answers, we'll get a few heavy-handed anti-war preaching moments, and I'll abuse the font color coding tag. C'mon! It'll be fun! More »

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