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  -Part 1 :: [09.05.05]
  -Part 2 :: [10.31.05]
  -Part 3 :: [02.17.09]

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"Instead Samcules simply wanks about finding your inner hero yo' damn self, 'just like [he] did.' You mean, just like he did AFTER he was born with divine power. Ass."
     -Sam, Kingdom Hearts Part 5

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Part 1


"Chattur'gha, I choose you!"
The first installment of Eternal Darkness introduces us to our heroine -- young, hot, smart Alexandra Roivas. When her grandfather is murdered in a brutal and bloody fashion, she must travel to his creepy mansion in the exciting state of Rhode Island to solve the mystery. Amidst many phallic objects, she finds a book that transports me, the player, into the distant past, where a fabulous Centurion named Pious Augustus encounters even more phallic objects. And something else about essences of evil gods or something. PENIS! More »

Part 2


"Everything you wanted to know about Ancient Cambodian dancing slave girls but were jacking too hard to ask."
Another chapter, another playable character. Meet Ellia, a young Cambodian slave/dancer who somehow gets her hands on the Tome of Eternal Darkness and somehow finds the freedom to head on over to the local abandoned temple where she puts to use the reading skills she somehow acquired. But her day trip goes horribly, horribly wrong when it turns out that the temple isn't a happy picnic place, but instead a nest of traps and zombies. Well, shit. More »

Part 3


"Reading will kill you."
For this installment, we travel back in time to 814 A.D. when Emperor Charlemagne the Frank ruled a large chunk of the world and Charmander the Pokemon God had a giant bug up his butt over this. Enter Anthony, a gay pageboy who intercepts a terrifying zombification scroll intended for his master. Before Anthony rots away into a grotesque version of his formerly pretty self, will he be able to save his beloved emperor? Read and find out! (Hint: Don't get your hopes up.) More »

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