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  -Part 1 :: [02.17.06]
  -Part 2 :: [07.03.06]
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  -Part 6 :: [04.30.13]


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Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time : Cast
In order of recap appearance.
1 : 2 : 3
Deku Tree
Deku Tree

Nickname(s): Dicku Tree
Age: really fucking old
Description: Like his descendent in Wind Wanker, the Deku Tree serves as a "guardian" to the Kokiri, the forest children that presumably evolve into the Koroks. Unlike his descendent in Wind Wanker, this Deku Tree sports a rather impressive wooden pornstache and prefers to speak in "thees" and "thous." Working behind the scenes, he essentially orchestrates Twink's quest to save Hyrule. And then he dies before Twink can get his revenge. Bastard.

First appearance:   Part 1

Link
Link

Nickname(s): Twink
Age: varies
Description: Do you really not know who Link is? Jesus Christ, people.

First appearance:   Part 1

Navi
Navi

Nickname(s): Naggy
Age: ?
Description: All Kokiri receive a fairy partner at birth. Well, except for Twink. Sure, he's not a real Kokiri (SPOILER!!!) but that doesn't explain why the Dicku Tree waits eight or nine years to send Navi to Twink. Not that Twink's complaining over the delay -- turns out that Navi is the shrillest, most irritating fairy partner in the entire universe. Plus, she's a girl. If Twink isn't driven batshit by the end of the game, it'll be a miracle.

First appearance:   Part 1

Saria
Saria

Nickname(s): none
Age: ?
Description: Saria is the Kokiri Mary Sue. As such, she gets a special outfit and an Important Task later in the game. And, naturally, she has an unrequited crush on our hero. That fact by itself would be bad enough for poor Twink, but the girl also insists on stalking him. Even Twink fleeing from her in terror doesn't give Saria a clue.

First appearance:   Part 1

Mido
Mido

Nickname(s): Midol
Age: ?
Description: According to Mido, he's the leader of the Kokiri. I think we should take that with a grain of salt, given his tendency toward delusions of grandeur. For some reason, he has a bug up his butt over Twink, and goes out of his way to act like a complete shitheel to the poor guy. Probably because Twink doesn't want anything to do with his fugly ass.

First appearance:   Part 1

Know-It-All Brothers
Know-It-All Brothers

Nickname(s): Weasley Triplets
Age: ?
Description: Identical redheaded triplets who live together and provide gameplay information. They must provide some other...services to Twink. Because if he lived in a village with hot triplets who didn't want to fool around with him, he would have committed suicide long ago.

First appearance:   Part 1

Rock Humping Kokiri
Rock Humping Kokiri

Nickname(s): Brinco
Age: ?
Description: A Kokiri kid who essentially thrusts his pelvis against a rock all day. I'm pretty damn sure whoever animated him did not make it look this way by accident. The least he could do is indulge his fetishes in private.

First appearance:   Part 1

Kaepora Gaebora
Kaepora Gaebora

Nickname(s): Blathers
Age: ?
Description: This terrifying feathery fiend is supposedly the reincarnation of one of Hyrule's Old School Sages, here to give our hero advice and aid him on his quest. Because Hyrule is really in need of more sages.

First appearance:   Part 2

Malon
Malon

Nickname(s): none
Age: ?
Description: Malon is the salt-of-the-earth, non-magical Mary Sue, the one that just wants in Twink's pants because she needs a man, and not because she is in any way intertwined with his heroic destiny. Malon regularly beats up her backtalking dad, and would probably get along famously with the Great Dicku Tree. If he hadn't died.

First appearance:   Part 2

Talon
Talon

Nickname(s): none
Age: ?
Description: Malon's abused father and the owner of Lon Lon Non-Dude Ranch. Talon spends a great deal of his time sleeping on the job and doing inappropriate things with Cuccos, hence Malon's need to beat some sense into him, but he seems like a good enough dad--he even tries to hook up his daughter with Twink! And he'd be great husband material!

First appearance:   Part 2

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