Great Fairies Nickname(s): Bizarro Great Fairies Age: ? Description: : Since Wind Wanker itself is generally "just another Zelda game, but with more crack," the game's Great Fairies are no exception. They could have been blondes in white dresses, but after a few bong hits they became bodhisattvas with magic lotus blossoms. Uh huh. First appearance:   Part 5

Jabun Nickname(s): Jabba Age: ? Description: In the grand tradition of inconsistent translations in game series, Jabun is actually Jabu-Jabu from Ocarina of Time. Over the years he's become blue and grown a lantern out of his forehead. He gives Twink Nayru's Pearl in a two-minute scene, never to be heard from in the game again. First appearance:   Part 5

Ankle Nickname(s): Pink Tingle Age: ? Description: A lookalike of Tingle (possibly Tingle's brother) who slaves away in Tingle's lair of evil. Ankle is not nearly as emotionally flamboyant as Tingle, but he does tip the gay scales with his pale pink one-piece. First appearance:   Part 5

David Jr. Nickname(s): White Tingle Age: ? Description: Apparently David Jr. is not related to Tingle, but is merely unfortunate enough to look like him and got roped into becoming Tingle's indentured servant. David Jr. is the one most prone to whining about his predicament, either making him the whiniest of the four or the sanest. First appearance:   Part 5

Knuckle Nickname(s): Periwinkle Tingle Age: ? Description: Knuckle is Ankle's brother (making him possibly Tingle's brother too). He ran away from Tingle Island because it's evil and unholy, but Twink and Tingle corner his fabulous ass on Outset and make him come home, where he frolics in the flowers and gets out of laboring in the Tingle Penis. First appearance:   Part 5

Gummy Nickname(s): none Age: ? Description: He's?another sailor. On NPC Island. So that makes him, like, the fifteenth NPC Island sailor or something? He's on Twink's "list." The good list. First appearance:   Part 6

Cyclos Nickname(s): none Age: ? Description: Zephos's larger, redder, more annoying brother. True, he does teach Twink the wonderful, time-saving Ballad of Gales, but he also laughs like a crazed loon and tries to kill Twink with a tropical storm. He also needs to get his eyebrows tweezed, like, now. First appearance:   Part 7

Fairy Queen Nickname(s): Samara Age: ? Description: This creepy little girl lives inside Mother Isle and is the pimp-mommy of all the Great Fairies. Judging from her gift of fire and ice arrows to Twink, she seems nice enough, but that's discounting the creepy little girl giggling and the living in a well. First appearance:   Part 7

Laruto Nickname(s): none Age: ? Description: A Zora sage in charge of the Earth Temple, strangely enough. Her very existence is an enigma wrapped in a big steaming pile of bullshit and fanwank. Seriously, why is a Zora guarding the Earth Temple? And why did Zoras need to evolve after a flood? Oh, by the way, she's also dead. Kind of like half my brain cells. First appearance:   Part 8

Fado Nickname(s): Fabo Age: ? Description: Fado did his duty as the extremely important and not-at-all tacked-on Wind Sage of Hyrule: he prayed for the Master Sword to be powerful, kept up his foppish appearance, and of course he gave up his forest nymph candy to King Daphnes. And what did he get for his years of loyalty and "servitude"? He got whacked by a fat guy with bad skin. Lame. First appearance:   Part 9