Shion Uzuki Nickname(s): Do "wanker," "braindead bint," or "bane of my existence" count? Age: 22 Description: Shion is an engineer working for Vector Industries. Her big project is KOS-MOS, a busty robot chick designed to kill shit. Despite outward appearances of being brainy (the glasses), Shion is without question the dumbest person in the party at any given time. Her boyfriend is dead, so she pours all her emotion (and God knows what else) into KOS-MOS. By all rights she should have died due to her own incompetence years ago. First appearance:   Part 1

Allen Ridgeley Nickname(s): Corey Feldman Age: 24 Description: Shion's number-one assistant on the KOS-MOS project. Allen openly and obviously has a thing for Shion (God help him, the misguided soul), but it's entirely one-sided. Though he's often the voice of reason in the group, he has this nasty tendency to constantly whine in the wankiest fashion possible, hence the nickname. First appearance:   Part 1

KOS-MOS Nickname(s): none Age: 18 in appearance (ha!) Description: KOS-MOS is a big acronym that basically amounts to "buxom android babe that kicks ass and takes names." She isn't programmed to be emotional or conscientious, but Shion pretends that this is somehow KOS-MOS' fault, rather than her own. Whatever. On occasion her eyes become blue, which means that She Is Speshul. First appearance:   Part 1

Andrew Cherenkov Nickname(s): Handrew Jerkinov Age: 36 Description: A Federation marine and the second-in-command on the Woglinde. There's more to the Commander than meets the eye, but for now just think of him as Xenosaga's token super-serious, uptight, paranoid military officer. First appearance:   Part 1

Virgil Nickname(s): none Age: 32 Description: Virgil is a mean, nasty military grunt with a big scar on his face. How original. He's a seasoned veteran of the Miltian Conflict, and is also a D.M.E. addict. Maybe that's what the game designers are high on all the time. First appearance:   Part 2

Margulis Nickname(s): none Age: 44 Description: Honestly, I don't know shit about Margulis. He works for U-TIC, and they're evil. So he's...probably...evil. Mauve hair. Hideous scar. Evil, right? He does seem like one of those guys who thinks he's in charge but is really just a pawn. Yeah? I mean, I don't know. He's just there. First appearance:   Part 3

Captain Matthews Nickname(s): none Age: 40 Description: Captain Matthews is, amazingly, captain of his own ship, the Elsa. He and his crew scavenge space wreckage for beer money, and to pay off Matthews' debts. He is a BOOZER, BANZAI BANZAI, and a man after my cold, black recapper's heart, what with his kicking people and calling them "morons." How can I not love a gruff alcoholic who disses Shion constantly? Swoon. First appearance:   Part 4

Tony Nickname(s): none Age: 29 Description: As the ace pilot and gunner of the Elsa, we obviously expect Tony to be humble, modest and sensitive. But then Monolith Soft bucked convention and made him a cocky sexist butthole. In addition to this, he shamelessly and crudely hits on Shion, showing that either his taste sucks or he's gay. Probably gay. This IS a videogame. First appearance:   Part 4

Hammer Nickname(s): none Age: 27 Description: Hammer is the resident techie wizard of the Elsa. We know this already because of his glasses and definite nerd air, but the exposition fairies tell us five or six more times anyway. Hammer's console is in front of Matthews' captain's chair, so he gets kicked a lot. I approve. First appearance:   Part 4

chaos Nickname(s): CHAOS!!! Age: 16 in appearance Description: What can I say about chaos? No, really, what can I say? I would like to mention his completely contrived mystique and creepy voice and almost condescending kindness, but when I see his Polish sausage of a wang snug inside his short-shorts, every other thought in my head screams horribly and dies. That said: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGH. First appearance:   Part 4